Catching Up

This weekend has been amazing. We've been doing what we want to do on our schedule! It's great that we've made plans to do so many things lately but it's exhausting. We have 1 more concert to go to and then we've used up the stack of event tickets we've been holding onto. Last weekend was insane. We drove to Auburn Hills (Detroit) to see New Kids on the Block on Saturday night and then came back first thing Sunday morning so we could see SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE in Toronto. Both shows were fun but it left me exhausted for Monday morning! On top of all of that running around this week was not kind to me. I had to work late Tuesday and Wednesday night and then we had tickets to A Chorus Line on Thursday. Needless to say I was so happy by the time Friday came around!
I've been mindlessly blogging for the last little while because I felt too overwhelmed with things that were not going right for us. I was so sick of donor issues and also sick of the problems with my BIL. We have updates on all of the above including a half-ass attempt at trying this cycle. Basically BIL is still not talking to us. It's been over a month and a half since we've heard from him our seen the children. It's breaking my heart but there's nothing we can do and I feel that my MIL is being heartless about it. She'll call and tell us how she's seen the kids or that she took my nephew to a football game. Clearly she doesn't get how much it hurts us that we've been cut out. D has also finally admit that she is upset with her brother and "is not talking to him". We're making no attempt at contact - through Facebook, e-mail or calling.
As for trying this month - we called the clinic and set up our Day 3 monitoring but ended up canceling it after we found out our donor is no longer available. This was the donor we used our last attempt which was a chemical pregnancy so I really felt like "he was the one" and the next time we tried we'd get pregnant. I've been on break for 3 months and in that time I've done nothing to improve my odds. I could have gone on Metformin and I could have lost weight but I didn't. I kept thinking that we were going to use a KD and the "fresh stuff" would be the ticket to getting pregnant. Since our KD (both of them) fell through I at least thought if we tried using the same protocol as our last anonymous donor attempt we'd have a shot. Now without him as well I felt like we'd just be wasting more money and energy on something that wouldn't work.
The good news is that we've selected our next donor and we both really like him. We ended up switching to Xytex because we couldn't agree on another Fairfax donor. Apparently we used the only 3 donors at Fairfax we'd even consider. D likes this new guy a lot because he's left handed like her.
I hate this process so much. The fact that during our time TTC 2 of the donors we've used are now sold out brings up the issue of buying for the future and not just the present. We've already been down this path and I hate that we're on it again. When we first started TTC we bought 8 vials of donor #1. We ended up using 5 and selling back 3. At that point we were using 2 vials per try and try #5 would have used up 2 of our final 3 leaving 1 vial for a future pregnancy. We felt we had no other choice but to sell back and start over with a new donor. At that point we decided to buy "one attempt at a time" and then once pregnant we'd buy several and put them in storage. In retrospect I'm glad we did this because had I bought another grouping of vials only to find out 3 months later our donor would be sold out I'd feel like we were right back to the situation with donor #1.
I guess our issue is that we need to become more disconnected with the anonymous donor we choose. Unfortunately we've already become attached to the donor we hope to use next and I'm not even certain he is available. After 30 minutes and just by reading his essay I was able to identify him "in real life". I always wondered how people were able to find their donors. Clearly Xytex provides more information than Fairfax because it was pretty easy.
Anyway... we're trying to fit a try in December. Our clinic is closed for 2 weeks but my cycle will start in November so I think we'll be able to fit an attempt in. FX.
As for what I'm doing to improve my odds? Well, I'm going on Metformin and I'm cutting carbs. I'm going to be a cranky bitch!!