False Positive?

I'm not sure if I have good news though. I tested again this morning and it was a BFN. I went back to yesterdays test and there was clearly a second pink line so I'm not sure what this means. Both were FRER from the same package. AF is due Saturday so according to the FRER box it's 98% accurate 2 days prior. Honestly at this point I just want to know for sure one way or the other because this is too stressful - my beta is scheduled for Tuesday but if this is a BFN I really want AF to come and get this over with. I'm not upset about this yet because I keep telling myself that all is not lost because we did have plans to start using a KD and I was looking forward to that because it's my BIL and I personally like the idea of the LO being bio related to both DW and myself. We basically did this last cycle at our clinic because the sperm we had in storage had been shipped back from my clinic and therefore was no longer eligible for the 50% refund + we know there will be complications with using BIL (who is currently going through a divorce/custody issues with his own children) so really, an unknown donor technically would be the "cleaner" route. I think we'll be going on an extended break after this if this try hasn't worked. Mostly because we have to wait for my BIL to get his life back in order.

BFN

Tested again tonight and still BFN. Darn it all. The Faint BFP (FRER) was taken at 1:30 am after going to bed just before 10:00 pm so 3.5 hours without peeing. My BFN came after a full night - probably 8 hours (FRER). I just tested again and it came up BFN ($1 store test) - around 2.5 to 3 hours held. I have 2 more FRER lined up and 3 more $1 store. I googled BFN after BFP and came up with Chemical Pregnancy and it said that up to 60% of first time pregnancies are Chemicals but most people would never know except those who test early/often and may catch it. I'm not giving up yet but I do wish AF would come ASAP so we can move to the next phase of our journey... I don't like not knowing.

BFP!!!

I bought a P-Stick yesterday morning on our way to the water park and just woke up about a half an hour ago with about 2.5 hours of saved up goodness.... peed in a cup... dipped the stick in the cup.... (I'm really not one to use the stream) and guess what....??? OMG a second line. DW didn't believe me because it's super faint but I have spent enough time looking at BFN to know this isn't one. So it looks like as of 11 DPO we have a faint BFP!

Am I pregnant?

I do not have any p-sticks in stock so no news as of yet. I'm having some awful panic attacks right now about being pregnant - something I haven't experienced my previous 5 attempts even the time I read false positives out of the garbage can. I called my mom yesterday and she said it was probably because after all of the trying and disappointment over the past year I'd forgotten what the end result was.

OMG

In the past I may have thought I had symptoms in the past but now I feel like I actually do... and I'm freaking out! This morning I woke up and was so sick. I threw up (mostly dry heaving) on and off over an hour. I also feel like AF is hear right now.... I hope that throwing up is NOT a symptom because I'm not up for a lot of morning sickness but.... could it be? I think I may actually be pregnant this time!

What?

I can't believe this but my clinic actually called and asked me to come in for b/w. I think it's because I bitched at my RE's receptionist while my RE was on vacation and told her about my fallout with the nurse regarding PCOS. So I guess I'm getting special b/w to test for that? I want to get a dx before moving to a known donor so this will help!

3 DPO

I'm very happy to be 3 DPO. My IUI on Saturday sucked. The doctor was one I had never seen before and he did not make a great impression on me. After being late he did my IUI (it hurt a lot) and mumbled "hope it works" as he left. He didn't give me my results and the nurse wouldn't either -she said they'd call with them but of course they didn't. I was pretty upset and felt that this cycle was a waste. I pretty much went from the clinic directly into a swimming pool. I'm not sure if swimming is the best thing to do after an IUI but I had my nephew and it was sooo hot out! Sunday made up for the suckiness of Saturday. The doctor that day was awesome. I didn't think I'd ever say that! He was so friendly and the procedure didn't hurt at all. The best part was that he looked at my sample under the microscope - for the first time I actually saw my swimmers!! It was amazing. Although I'm still in shock over how small sperm is - that may sound stupid but it's really really small. I also found out that my follicle was 22 mm before ovulation and I had ovulated overnight. which means this cycle wasn't a bust.... I have everything crossed that this one has worked!!!

New Clinic

I saw my Dr. on Thursday and she's referred me to a new clinic (wait 4-6 weeks) and suggested I write a letter to the clinic explaining why I am unhappy. She said she is working with the fert clinics to help make them more "gay friendly" and my input would help a lot. I may need some advice so I don't get too emotional but I need several days before I can even think about it.

As for my current cycle from hell... I've been called in for my IUI for Saturday and Sunday. I hope this is a viable cycle and I'm not wasting more money.. needless to say I'm going to do it. The funny thing is that we have my 2.5 year old nephew for the weekend. He's going to have a fun time going to the fertility clinic 2x a day. It's likely going to rain so it's not like there is going to be anything else to do!

Now I'm angry!

I was in this morning for my u/s and b/w and I saw on my chart "1.3 cm cyst" from my Monday u/s. Why wouldn't they tell me I had a cyst when they gave me my results? I went in to talk to the cycle monitoring nurse. I asked her why the u/s techs kept asking me if I had PCOS or if I was on metaformin and she said it was because I have numerous follicles which is an indication. She said "PCOS as you're calling it".... with attitude. She said I need to "get used to them asking those questions" and if I have any concerns about PCOS I should talk to my Doctor, also with attitude. I flat out asked how I was supposed to know if there was something wrong to even ASK the questions if I'm not being told in my results that there is something I should be concerned about. Should I be hearing this from the u/s technicians? She actually said... "well if that's what they're saying you should speak to your dr.".... WTH!!!!!! So the 80+ transvaginal u/s and blood draws taken over the past 12 months have not given my RE the information she needs to mention there may be a problem???? I guess I have to go an ask her on a hunch or worse yet based on information that I'm not supposed to be relying on. There is a huge sign in the room that says "u/s technicians are legally not permitted to give results". I wonder if there is a small print that says they will give a diagnosis when your RE is ignoring you?
I've had problems for ages with this clinic and I keep going back because it's just easier than being wait listed for a new one. Plus I know another couple on here used them and had such a good experience. I keep wondering what is wrong, why am I not being treated the same way? To make matters even worse is the fact that we're starting to question if there is something wrong just as we're heading in to using a KD. Knowing that there could be a problem and that they are not telling me makes me feel like they do not care at all. If they did they wouldn't let me spend thousands of dollars... unless all I am to them is another patient to make them money.
I was able to book a Doctor's appointment with my family doctor tomorrow and I'm asking to switch clinics!!

PCOS?

I just heard from the clinic and my follicles are not growing and they mentioned canceling my cycle if things are not "progressing" by Wednesday. I'm not upset yet because they said the same thing last time and I made a rebound. However.. if it does get canceled I'm going to be pretty miffed. They won't store my vials at the clinic. I've paid $100 twice shipping this vial back and forth. If it goes back and I need to send it to the clinic again it will be $300 in shipping for one try! Not to mention the fact my boys are really putting in the mileage with UPS.

I may be getting myself into a bit of a panic here but I saw "PCO" in large letters written across my chart this morning.I think I have PCOS. The u/s techs have made comments more than once implying it but I've never been told by my RE that there is a problem. I'm also a bit worried that Clomid has messed up my system. I used to have very text book ovulation and now it's all over the place. I'm so frustrated that I'm forever going to be on try #6. I really wanted this to be my month.

Blogging over iPod touch

CD 14

I had b/w and u/s this morning and I have 3 follicles but they're only 10mm, 10mm, 11mm. Hopefully all three grow at the same rate. Since today is CD14 I guess I'm having another long cycle. bleh. the good news is I do not have to go back in until Monday so I get to sleep in tomorrow!
We've decided we are not going to use our KD this month. The sperm may be free with our KD but we'll have lawyer fees and we'll need to do a second parent adoption - which we do not have to do for our anonymous donor in Ontario. If we get pregnant this cycle (which we want to, of course) we'll buy up a good batch for #2 and if we don't we'll use our KD moving forward. If we need to go the KD route I'm going to be a total newbie again since we won't have cycle monitoring anymore. I'll need to figure this all out on my own! I'm not going to worry about that yet because THIS is the cycle I'm going to get my BFP!!!

Our Donor (#3)

We've switched it up again this time and have bought the ID release donor. I feel like I'm really getting around. I've been with 3 guys (sperm) this year! Gross!

Anyhoo... here is our new donor. He has 1 chance to be the one becuase after this we're moving on to a known donor. I'm hoping and praying it works this time!!

CD 8

I went in this morning for CD 8 b/w and u/s and then spent the ENTIRE day waiting for my call. I was hoping to hear my follicle count but instead I was told they were still small. bleh. Not a very exicting update!! DW and I have decided that if this try doesn't work we're going to stop going to the clinic and start ICI with a KD. I've run out of insurance money so this try is costing us $1700 out of pocket and we're starting to feel a financial strain. I would really prefer to go to the poor house AFTER we have kids, not before.

Good to go!

I just got my call and I'm clear to go this cycle! I'm so happy! I was told to start taking my Clomid TODAY which is day 3 but my perscription says to take it day 5-9. I'm going to have to go home and back out again tonight to get it filled. They have me back again on Monday for another u/s so I know they are not confused about when I should start. When I was on Clomid days 5-9 they had me back in on the 10 so the timing works out the same. Strange but OK as long as I'm in this cycle!