Soooo Happy!

I am so happy! We heard the heartbeat for the first time. 165 bpm!!!
Our OB is amazing. He is very friendly, talkative and he's openly Gay. It's awesome. I admit that I was not happy getting there because the clinic is in the bowels of the hospital but once inside it was fine. At one point we had the nurse, Dr. and a med student in the exam room with us. Talk about getting FULL attention! The appointment was also exactly on time. Overall the experience was great! We'll have our OB throughout the entire pregnancy but may have someone else at delivery. I'm going back in 2 weeks for 16 week blood work. I wouldn't normally have to but they didn't have the results from my First Trimester Screening and I mentioned the issue with the blood lab refusing my requisition. They agreed (Nurse and Doctor) that it would be best to do the extra tests just in case there was an issue. Sadly there won't be another u/s until 18 weeks. Darn it. I thought I had a loophole!

We're off to Doula Speed dating tonight!!!

Meet Stanley

Meet Stanley, our new car. Named by D. She has a knack for naming things spontaneously and once it's out of her mouth I feel compelled to agree. I fear we're going to have a great list of baby names and then the baby will come out and D will proclaim them to be "Fred" or "Petunia". Uh oh... cause you know I'll say it was fate and that's what their name will have to be!

Here's Stanley:


I haven't actually seen or driven the car since we brought it home this weekend. I was planning on driving to work this week but then reality hit and I figured it was easier to take the subway (and cheaper). This is what I had long suspected when we'd discussed buying a car in the past. It will likely sit in our garage 5 days a week only to be used occasionally on weeknights but mostly on weekends. Of course things will change once we have a little one but for now Stanley can rest in the garage and wait for our weekend adventures this summer! We're actually off work after today until Monday so we'll have a lot of time to enjoy the car this week!

Anyway.. off to work and then my first OB appointment this afternoon at 2:00 pm. I can't wait!!

Pride... Pregnancy etc

Pride is in full swing in Toronto but we haven't really spent any time in the village. I guess it's a bit different for us because we LIVE in the middle of the celebration and our neighbourhood is fairly gay year round! We did meet up with some friends to say "hi" but we left after about 5 minutes. I am so over loud parties! I can't stand them at all. We didn't even make it to the Dyke March. Instead we were picking up our car (yipeee). The drive home was sweet.
In pregnancy news... I've been feeling y-u-c-k-y! I'm pretty sure people said I'd be feeling better by now! When is that going to happen? I'm not nearly as tired and the constant car sickness is gone but I'm throwing up so much! I'm guessing that the diclectin I've been taking has prevented me from being sick over the last couple of weeks. Well, I ran out and figured that I'd had "enough" so I didn't re-fill the prescription. That was a mistake! I've been sick so many times over the last few days. I picked up more on Friday! I hope it works because I'm starting to feel homesick in my own body. It's a very weird feeling not being able to control or make yourself feel better.
And.. I wasn't going to mention this but I have to get it off my chest. When am I going to stop feeling so jealous and bitter towards other pregnant women? One of my friends posted a picture of her and two other pregnant friends. I felt a huge pang of jealousy. Especially since they are all on #2. TTC is behind us for now but it isn't gone from our lives forever. We are about 2 years from TTC #2 and I'm so worried that we're going to go through the same pain again. I hate how it seems so easy for some people while others struggle so much.
Maybe once I'm big and round I'll feel like I've succeeded. Until then.. I'm jealous.

WTF?

I'm officially OUT as being knocked up and it's pretty cool. We're at 13 weeks and I'm showing more than I'd like to admit (I'll post a picture when I get home).
I posted on Facebook (my u/s photos) on Monday night and have received many congratulations from friends and people at work who have found out. Everything was going great until my first WTF experience. My co-worker (that I BLOCKED from Facebook before I posted) found out and wrote me a cute little e-mail:
Heard the news today! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! I’m really excited for you (and I’m not talking about the purchase of your new car – but congrats on that too)!
Really great news!!! When’s the bambino due!!!???
BEFORE I could respond she CALLS me and started to ask questions. She asked if we had done IVF and when I said "No" she asked if it was "like with some anonymous guy in a room that they made me have sex with". RIGGGHHHHHHTT
People like this do not really exist, do they? This is a MANAGER with an MBA. She's not stupid. WTF?
Anyway... regarding that anonymous guy I had "sex with"...I just bought my last 4 vials so we're now the proud owners of 6 vials for baby #2!!!! YAY..

Intelligender

Well folks... here are the "results". lol
First I need to mention:
Chinese Gender Chart = GIRL
Heart Rate= GIRL
Intelligender= GIRL????

I had to go to the intelligender website to see examples of what a "boy" looked like because in my opinion you could read this either way if you really wanted a certain outcome. It does look like "boy" is a very dark green not just a murky unattractive urine-like orange colour. You can check it out HERE if you want to see the examples.
I couldn't wait to throw this down the garbage chute this morning. I think it may be toxic because it got really really hot. We'll have to save the BOX for memories.

ETA: Before I tossed it I decided to stir up the bottom and the contents turned Dark Green. So it was a murky orange colour to begin with but once shaken it was Green. The instructions specifically said not to disturb the contents before reading the results so I honestly have no idea! D is all for team pink and I have my fingers crossed for team blue!!! I guess we'll have to wait another 6 weeks to find out!

Spoiled Brat

We did it! We finally bought our car. We ended up going with the Nissan Versa Sedan. Our options were Dark Grey, Silver or Black. We chose Silver which is so BORING but it looked so much sharper than the others. I guess sometimes boring is OK. Who knew? We’ll just need to pay extra attention when parking in large lots otherwise we’ll lose it in the sea of other boring normal cars.
My title Spoiled Brats doesn’t really relate to us – I’ll get to that later. We thought through buying a car for years and feel we’ve made our decision at the right time. There was no moment of panic or buyers regret. We’ve always said we’d buy a car when renting became inconvenient and it has. I partially blame the discount code I’ve been using at the airport ($10/day) since it makes renting extremely cheap but completely inconvenient (travelling to the airport from downtown). It’s a tough sell to say let’s rent down at Union Station (where we used to rent) for 3x the amount of the airport. In the end we’ve stopped renting and we have a huge backlog of chores that require a car. This may have given us the jump start but there are many other reasons. It’s time. I’m sick of being trapped in the city (I hate inner city grocery stores). This is going to give us ultimate freedom! Also, considering the current strike of outdoor workers in Toronto which means no pools, we’re getting the car just in time to drive to my dad’s house to enjoy his beautiful pool every weekend!!
Now, Spoiled brat…
That would be my brother! Ugh. He’s been so obnoxious over our last few visits and he’s just getting worse. I blame my parents!! I really think they need to get him involved in activities with other children. He’s booked constantly with performances and he misses out on things like birthday parties and school fairs. I’ve started to see his involvement in these things as detrimental and somewhat selfish of my parents. For example, they have a ritual of going out on Friday night to a couple of bars/clubs. My brother joins in on a jam session at both (one is traditional Irish) but if you look at it he’s in a bar while my parents eat fish and chips/wings, drink beer and brag about him. His world is about him being a musically talented and my parents love the attention as well. He’s young and he plays well but he isn’t committed to lessons – just gigs and jam sessions where he makes money. I digress. The point of this rant is that he is a BRAT. He thinks the world revolves around him. He walks all over my parents and gets whatever he wants. They bought him a $900 laptop this past weekend. He’s 10 years old… he doesn’t need his own laptop! This kid needs a new soccer ball and some friends to play with!!! Seriously!
ANYWAY – my point is that my brother is turning into someone I do not like. I’m sad that he is not a normal kid. I’m so sick of how overprotective my father is. They are always together and have been since day 1 (my father is a SAHD). I wish my brother could experience summer camp or team sports! I wish he had activities like swimming lessons or art classes. These are all things I had when I was his age. I know that times are different but when I was a kid I was out with my friends ALL THE TIME. We’d alternate weekends sleeping over at friends houses and play at the park until the streetlights turned on. Will my brother, at 10 years old, have a chance at a normal childhood? I doubt it and it makes me very sad. I may not LIKE my mother right now but I appreciate how structured my childhood was. My mother may have been aloof and rarely around but I had camp all summer, community centre programs and lots of FRIENDS. I have very fond memories of my childhood. I hope that we do the same for our children. How do you make sure you do not turn into your parents? Lol

BTW, the Intelligender arrived today! We’ll be trying it soon and will post the results!

12 weeks & First Trimester Screening

We had our First Trimester Screening today. I have a feeling we may have messed it up because the blood lab refused my requisition form. I ended up getting blood taken at my doctors office but they seemed totally clueless about what I actually needed. I'm not all that concerned because if need be I'll go for another ultrasound (no problems with that)!!
Overall I found this ultrasound to be a bit more stressful. The good news is that the clinic I went to had a flat screen tv mounted specifically so the patient can watch the procedure. I was able to see EVERYTHING which of course made me panic! The baby wasn't moving a lot and the tech had a hard time getting the measurements she needed. She kept shaking my belly to get the baby to move around and it wouldn't. We did see some leg kicking/arm waving and at one point it looked like it had hiccups (is that possible at 12 weeks?). I'm pretty sure I saw the heartbeat was at 180bpm and the measurement was 5.63 cm crown to rump. This was the first ultrasound where I felt a bit giddy (between panic sweats). The baby LOOKS like a baby! Hopefully that magic day when I'm ready to chill out and believe this is REAL will come soon!

Here are a couple of pictures. The first is a giant poster on the side of the hospital we're using. I have my first OB appointment there on June 30th! The tall burgundy building is D's office tower. She has the most amazing view of the city (in my opinion it is better than the CN tower)!



The second is our 12 week picture.

The Car - my Dad & our Donor

We’re going to buy our car this weekend and I’m so excited! We’ve narrowed down our choices to the Toyota Yaris and the Nissan Versa (both Sedan). Without actually test driving the cars available we know that our preference is the Versa. It has a bit more power and more interior room. I also think the interior is a lot nicer than the Yaris (I’m not a fan of the center console). These are two of our favourite rental cars so it will be hard to choose. We’ve never driven a long distance in the Yaris but we’ve had the pleasure of driving to New York City in the Versa and it performed well. Especially in the white-out condition blizzard on the way home! As far as the Yaris, it has proven itself as a handy little city car although I will admit I drive it hard and I’m not sure if that is good or safe in the long run.
I’m not going to ask for advice because I’ve found that people are REALLY touchy when it comes to their cars. I’m sure many people IRL are laughing at my desire for a sub-compact car and in return I have to say that I am amazed by how much people are willing to spend on their cars. I’m buying a used 2008 and I’m dipping into my savings to pay cash. My one friend is trying to convince me into leasing because “I won’t want the car in 3 years anyway”. I can’t justify paying over $300 in monthly leasing for a car I’ll owe thousands on if I want to keep in the end. Buying used with cash makes so much more sense for us!

In other news, my father has FINALLY asked about our donor. I was very surprised when he accepted my explanation of “we went to a clinic” when I told him I was pregnant. 7 weeks later he’s curious and I suspect he was suddenly worried about what the guy looked like. He was cute about it. He said he had to ask me what I thought the baby would look like. My first response was that "he’d" be the tallest member of our family! My dad is 5’8ish maybe 5’9 (although I doubt it). He was a bit shocked when I said our donor was 6’2 and asked why we’d do that. I left out the status of his size 14 feet and didn’t tell him that height is apparently a coveted feature for donors since most are taller than I’d have wanted. He asked what nationality he was and amazingly I still can’t answer this question with any accuracy! I said Irish and my Dad was happy about that. I also sent him the picture we have (after he begged) and when he saw the brown hair and brown eyes he said that the baby could have red hair and brown eyes just like "his brother"... oops he meant to say "his UNCLE" (MY brother). Oh and he said “He”, “His” or “Him” throughout the entire call. Do you think he’s hoping for a grandson?
QUESTION: Have people asked you about your donor (Family, close friends, etc)? My mother could care less and doesn't want to even see a picture. Would you share the picture or give details? I asked my dad NOT to show my brother. I think that would be too confusing for him. I don't want anyone to think of our donor as the "father" and I doubt my 10 year old brother will understand it any other way.

I told my manager

I told my manager today and it went really well. He is such a sweet guy who really loves his kids and will always put them first. That is a good thing when you are new to a job and are saying you have 6 months before you're off for a year. I also had to come out to him because I'd said "we'd been trying for a while" and he said he didn't know I was even with anyone. At that point I had to say I was married and I told him to a woman because I never want to hear the word "husband"!
I think that this pregnancy will out me to everyone and I don't care because I have no issue with people knowing. My issue is that I do not like telling people because I think it is irrelevant. Also, I do not hide anything at all about my life and it's not my fault people ASSume things that are incorrect. The fact is people may not be able to comprehend my pregnancy without more information so I've enlisted a couple of friend/co-workers to help move accurate rumors. I have NO problem with people talking accurately about me behind my back. I also do not have a problem with telling anyone if they ask!! Hopefully people will ask and not gossip!

Update

Thank you for your kind words.
I had a good appointment this afternoon and I'm relaxing with a nice big glass of watered down Pedialyte (which is repulsive) in an effort to re-hydrate. I was also given a prescription for Diclectin which I had from the clinic as well but never filled. My doc thinks my illness is not pregnancy related but a virus. The Diclectin should help with my vomiting and she said I'm FINE. I just need to take care of myself so I feel better.
There was also NO problem switching out my referral to avoid the scary OB. When I'm at my u/s next week I'm going to wander into the maternity ward at the hospital we'll use. I hope it doesn't scare me away because I'm not sure what we'd do then!
This all seems too real too soon and I'm getting nervous. I have 6 months to worry about hating the hospital!!
I think the reality of being pregnant has hit. After we're safely past the 3 month mark we're going to have to get on some wait lists for daycare. Isn't that NUTS? There is no relaxing when it comes to making babies!!!

Not Feeling Well

Last night was the worst experience I've had so far this pregnancy. I've had a headache since Sunday night but yesterday it became unbearable. Thankfully I had a Dr.'s appointment but there isn't much you can do for a headache, right? I was told that I could take a normal dose of 2 extra strength Tylenol. Great.
Walking home from the appointment I was gagging and throwing up (on the street). By the time I got home I felt terrible. I took a single extra strength Tylenol (not comfortable with 2) and felt better after eating some food. I went to bed as soon as I could but woke up crying for my Mom at 11:00pm. I even yelled downstairs for "Mom" not "D".
All hell broke loose at that point. It was gross so I won't even describe it but I was SICK SICK SICK!!
I'm home today and alone until about 10:00pm since D has night school. I wish so much that I had someone with me because I'm feeling very sad and lonely. Even someone to talk to would be good enough but I've called my Mom and I can't get in contact with her. It's times like these that I do not like being alone in the city. It's hard not having family near you when you need them.
In other news, I found out last night that I am scheduled for my first OB appointment on June 24th. I had no idea I had this appointment so I guess its a good thing I went in for my check-up yesterday! I was happy to hear I did not have to wait until 20 weeks to meet with them but my happiness ended soon after I got home and read the reviews on Rate MDs. SCATHING best describes them:

Condescending when curtly answering questions. Seems knowledgeable although have had limited exposure. Not friendly nor funny. Someone should remind her that as a public servant, we fund her salary. Perhaps a pay-for-performance/rating salary would motivate her. Saw her treat her receptionist in a poor fashion.

I have had not so positive experiences with her. I feel that her staff and herself could use a refresher course on PR skills. I feel that she has TERRIBLE bedside manner. Her secretary is CURT<>

I had the unpleasant experience of dealing with Dr. xxx when she was the on call at Mt. Sinai. don't EVER attempt an unmedicated birth with her and don't try to reject her interventions. As an OB you should never tell your patients that their baby will die unless there is a true emergency. it is NOT the way to talk them into an epidural. i have a complaint in against her and i know of two other women who have also filed complaints. she is horrid. she had me in tears, she yelled at me and she was so mad at my attempts for a natural delivery that she refused to numb me before stiching up a tear.

I could go on. There were 27 reviews and most were along this line. Others mentioned 2 hour waits for appointments on top of rude and that the receptionist will not return your calls no matter how many times you leave messages. Do you think I want her as my Doctor?????? HELL NO.
In all honesty THIS is probably what made me so sick last night. Sure I had a headache but this is STRESS that I do not need!! I PROMPTLY called my GP and told her receptionist that there was NO WAY I was accepting the referral!!! After going through the negative experience I had with clinic #1 I now know when to draw the line. Sorry but I'm not going to give her a chance. So far RateMDs has been accurate for every doctor I've ever seen (good and bad).
I've decided to go with the Dr and Hospital my GP recommended even though I had said that (Hospital) was the last place on earth I'd want to give birth. THAT opinion changed quickly!!!! The fact is that Clinic #1 was my fault. My GP recommended Clinic #2 and I said no, I wanted Clinic #1. I've decided that she was 110% right last time so I should just go with her opinion this time. YES I'll be giving birth in the ghetto but maybe I need a wake-up call and should get off my high horse! I'm sure everything will be fine there.
I have an appointment with my GP again this afternoon. She's probably going to roll her eyes when she sees me but I can't deal with this. I'm going to settle all of the OB drama TODAY and move on. I had hoped to do it over the phone but I want to make sure my intentions are clear. I'm not going to that appointment on June 24th.

Sucker!!!

Yep, that's me.
I read this article on CNN this morning and being the sucker I am I bought one of these: (from ebay with free shipping, not from this site)

I'll be trying this out "just for fun".They do claim 80-90% accuracy (at 10 weeks) although there was a disclaimer about PCOS and the test always showing "boy". I was never diagnosed so hopefully I do not fall under that category. That said, if the test reads "girl" I'll be more likely to believe it than if it reads "boy". Regardless, I must be aching to waste more money on something to pee on!!!!!

Tongue Tied

I'm having a really hard time with blogging lately. I guess I've come to understand what many TTC bloggers before me have already discovered. Moving on from a TTC blog to a Pregnancy blog is tricky.
Nothing much is happening. I'm holding my breath between milestones.
I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow. I'm not sure what these appointments are for and I hope to be with the OB soon. In the meantime we've started to shop around for a Doula. This is our compromise for choosing an OB over a midwife. I know that I will not receive the attention I'll need otherwise. I'm admitting it right now. I'm NEEDY. Since D and I will both be new to this we figured that it would be nice to have an external voice of reason. Doula's do not offer medical support but they are there for you emotionally. That's just what I need!

Graduation Day!

We've had our last RE visit and are moving to the care of our GP until 20 weeks and... NO MORE PROGESTERONE!! Yipeee! The appointment was quick. We did the ultrasound and then waited to see Dr. P. I'm currently at 10 weeks and the baby is measuring 10 weeks 1 day. The heartbeat was at 182 which Dr. P said was high but "strong".
Unfortunately I wasn't able to see the u/s monitor due to the way it was positioned. I was able to see D's reaction and I kept seeing her eyebrows go up in shock. I started to worry what she was seeing!!!! Apparently our babe was moving around and was wiggling its legs and waving its arms. Pretty cool! I did have some pain during the u/s which was odd (it happened last time too) but I was told there was nothing to worry about because it only happens during the u/s. I'll mention it to my GP to see what she says. Maybe I can weasel another u/s out of her!!
Overall excellent news... Here's our picture:



Btw, my Dad has offered up a name suggestion - SEAMUS (SHAY-mus) WTH!! He said I need to find a nice Irish name. We'll see dad... we'll see.

Our Donor

Units became available today (they sent me an e-mail). I was so excited I replied back that I wanted 5 vials – we already have 1 in storage. Unfortunately they only have 1 washed unit available!! Damn it!!! I was assured that he is “still in the program” and more will become available. I’ll also stay at the top of the wait list.
I guess this is good news. I’m happy to hear our donor is still donating. I’m also happy that we now have 2 units available instead of just 1.
What does suck is that I’m already worrying about future TTC attempts when I’m still barely confident about being pregnant with #1! I realized this the other day as we were dreaming up future vacations (we’re on a vacation freeze this year as a new year’s resolution). I was thinking about summer 2 years from now and I realized with a good dose of terror that we’d likely be TTC again by then. Trust me -- I’m giving myself a good slap across the face for being so stupid. I feel blessed that we have so far been successful once and I need to RELAX and not think about anything else. The point of my ramble is that as I prepare for the future I wonder if I can even go through this again. Being pregnant does not take the pain away from what you’ve experienced. In fact, I think what I’ve experienced has taken the pleasure out of being pregnant.
Tomorrow is my 10 week scan and (FX) my graduation day from the clinic. Hopefully after this appointment I'll feel more confident and maybe even believe this is going to happen!!