I called in for my results this morning.
Less than 5.
Negative.... tears... and I'm at work.
I guess I thought that because AF hadn't arrived I still had a chance. Normally AF confirms the truth and pretty much on schedule. One other time I was late too.
I feel awful. I'm so disapointed this try didn't work. I had 2 perfect follicles that both released. What is wrong with me?
I e-mailed to find out my donor's availability but I haven't heard back yet. I can't even imagine being on donor #5. I hope I can still buy more.
JDZ: Two Moms, One Toddler
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Insurance
D contacted her insurance company today. Her renewal is at the end of February for April 1st. We originally thought we’d have $4000 but our coverage is only $3000. The $3000 is per lifetime for fertility medication (which means 1 try) and there is no other coverage for the IVF procedure. I’m completely annoyed that D’s coverage includes $500 per-year-for life for Erectile dysfunction but only $3000 total for infertility. I’m glad to know the men at her work will have a lifetime supply of Viagra!!!!!! It’s clear who prioritized THIS policy.
BTW, Still no AF. What a bugger being late this month (although not a first). I went in for my bloodwork today. This is my first time ever going for the BETA. Do I still feel a glimmer of hope? Yes. Am I in denial? Yes.
BTW, Still no AF. What a bugger being late this month (although not a first). I went in for my bloodwork today. This is my first time ever going for the BETA. Do I still feel a glimmer of hope? Yes. Am I in denial? Yes.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
IVF etc
D will be contacting her insurance provider tomorrow to find out if they cover IVF meds and to confirm her company is still on an annual renewal. I'm not sure how much information we'll be able to get from them since we do not know what meds I'll take but we're just investigating at this point. I'm going to have to move over to her insurance regardless because her insurance covers $4000 for infertility treatments (over a lifetime). My insurance is awful and doesn't even cover Clomid so $4000 sounds amazing. The only good thing about my insurance is the $700/year health spending account. Thankfully I'll retain that when moving over. I was certain D's company was on a 2 year renewal plan but D thinks it is a 1 year renewal that is up in March. That would work out well for us to try an IVF cycle in April or May. In the meantime I plan to stick with IUI otherwise I have no chance for a baby in 2009.
I really want to yell at my KD right about now. We had intended on trying again in October before he screwed us over by deciding he wanted nothing to do with a resulting pregnancy. I really wanted to try with a KD. I didn't want to be forced back into the clinic using a sperm bank only to find out our donor was sold out (even though I'm happy with our new donor). God, I hope something GOOD happens soon because I'm really fed up.
I spent a good 45 minutes on the phone this afternoon recording my results from my previous 3 cycles. I hope that will help move things along and I will not have to monitor at the new clinic. An interesting note was that my LH surge was 18 on cycle #6. Normally it is much higher (in the 40-50 range). I wonder if this somehow impacted the timing and made the difference? I've always ovulated between 7:00 am the day of my first IUI and 7:00 am the day of my second IUI so I'm not sure what this could mean but something did work that time.
I'm going in for my Beta tomorrow because I want to stop taking my progesterone. So far no AF but many BFN.
I really want to yell at my KD right about now. We had intended on trying again in October before he screwed us over by deciding he wanted nothing to do with a resulting pregnancy. I really wanted to try with a KD. I didn't want to be forced back into the clinic using a sperm bank only to find out our donor was sold out (even though I'm happy with our new donor). God, I hope something GOOD happens soon because I'm really fed up.
I spent a good 45 minutes on the phone this afternoon recording my results from my previous 3 cycles. I hope that will help move things along and I will not have to monitor at the new clinic. An interesting note was that my LH surge was 18 on cycle #6. Normally it is much higher (in the 40-50 range). I wonder if this somehow impacted the timing and made the difference? I've always ovulated between 7:00 am the day of my first IUI and 7:00 am the day of my second IUI so I'm not sure what this could mean but something did work that time.
I'm going in for my Beta tomorrow because I want to stop taking my progesterone. So far no AF but many BFN.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Christmas
I was determined to not let a BFN ruin Christmas and it hasn't. I thought I'd be more upset but I think I'm just completely worn out by this process and no longer have the strength to be upset by it.
Christmas Eve
We both had to work Christmas Eve but we were out of work by noon. I hope the same will hold true for New Years eve! We had the entire afternoon to prepare for a trip into Hamilton and Burlington to visit our family. First up was seeing D's mom. Due to the family drama we had to see her Christmas Eve instead of Christmas day. She was going to be at D's brother's house for Christmas and we're not allowed there! She got us a new Dishwasher!!
Afterwards we went to my father's house. He has an open house on Christmas Eve which is a lot of fun. My Aunt was there (mom's sister) and I can't even believe the present she gave me! About 13 years ago my Nana had given me a heart shaped locket. It was a present from her brother to her on on her 18th birthday. My mom was so upset and she refused to let me keep it. She said my Nana had said she could have it. Well my Nana passed away in March 2005 followed by my Papa in September 2007. My mother and her sisters sorted out the estate and in the end I was left with nothing. I asked my mother about the locket many times and she kept saying she didn't know where it was. I had actually given up on it. Imagine my surprise when my Aunt gave me the small box. I wasn't sure if it was going to be the locket but it was! She said that I was meant to have it. I asked if my mother would be upset and she told me "never mind, this was meant to be yours". Could anyone ask for a better present? I love it so much!
D and I then spent the night at my dad's so that I could be with my brother when he opened his presents.
Christmas Day
My brother slept in until 7:45 am. What a relief! We thought for sure he'd be up at 5:00 am. The morning was very hectic. My brother loved the Guitar Hero for DS I bought him. He loved it so much I think it may have been his favourite present (much to the dismay of my parents). D and I were spoiled as usual. We got a Wii Fit (I've known about that for months), a new blender, a Fire Box and a bunch of other cool stuff. We stayed for Christmas Dinner before heading home. Since we normally go to my dad's for Christmas we open presents Christmas night. We were supposed to only have bought stocking stuffers this year because of New York City but we didn't follow that rule. The good news is that I think we maintained a reasonable budget and didn't got crazy. D got me an American Girl Doll. Yes, it's silly but I've always wanted one. Anyway, she got me Kit because I look most like her.
D got me the movie Kit Kittridge as well. Sort of as a joke because of the doll but it is a cute movie. I also got Mamma Mia on Blu-ray and was pleased to see it came with a digital copy for my iPod Touch. I got D American Idol for PS3, Guitar Hero World Tour, Sleeping Beauty and the first Season of Chuck on Blu-Ray.
Boxing Day
Christmas is exhausting. I slept most of the day on Boxing day but we had to return our rental car (bummer). Since we returned it at Union Station we walked through the mall (Eaton Centre) on our way home. It was sooooo busy! I had bought D a $30 gift Card to Future Shop so she could buy a new Sims game but it was just too busy to even think about shopping. We went home instead and started watching our new movies and played American Idol.
It's back to work on Monday. Oh well. I'm looking forward to New Years Eve because we have tickets to see the Raptors. Only a few more days!
Christmas Eve
We both had to work Christmas Eve but we were out of work by noon. I hope the same will hold true for New Years eve! We had the entire afternoon to prepare for a trip into Hamilton and Burlington to visit our family. First up was seeing D's mom. Due to the family drama we had to see her Christmas Eve instead of Christmas day. She was going to be at D's brother's house for Christmas and we're not allowed there! She got us a new Dishwasher!!
Afterwards we went to my father's house. He has an open house on Christmas Eve which is a lot of fun. My Aunt was there (mom's sister) and I can't even believe the present she gave me! About 13 years ago my Nana had given me a heart shaped locket. It was a present from her brother to her on on her 18th birthday. My mom was so upset and she refused to let me keep it. She said my Nana had said she could have it. Well my Nana passed away in March 2005 followed by my Papa in September 2007. My mother and her sisters sorted out the estate and in the end I was left with nothing. I asked my mother about the locket many times and she kept saying she didn't know where it was. I had actually given up on it. Imagine my surprise when my Aunt gave me the small box. I wasn't sure if it was going to be the locket but it was! She said that I was meant to have it. I asked if my mother would be upset and she told me "never mind, this was meant to be yours". Could anyone ask for a better present? I love it so much!
D and I then spent the night at my dad's so that I could be with my brother when he opened his presents.
Christmas Day
My brother slept in until 7:45 am. What a relief! We thought for sure he'd be up at 5:00 am. The morning was very hectic. My brother loved the Guitar Hero for DS I bought him. He loved it so much I think it may have been his favourite present (much to the dismay of my parents). D and I were spoiled as usual. We got a Wii Fit (I've known about that for months), a new blender, a Fire Box and a bunch of other cool stuff. We stayed for Christmas Dinner before heading home. Since we normally go to my dad's for Christmas we open presents Christmas night. We were supposed to only have bought stocking stuffers this year because of New York City but we didn't follow that rule. The good news is that I think we maintained a reasonable budget and didn't got crazy. D got me an American Girl Doll. Yes, it's silly but I've always wanted one. Anyway, she got me Kit because I look most like her.
D got me the movie Kit Kittridge as well. Sort of as a joke because of the doll but it is a cute movie. I also got Mamma Mia on Blu-ray and was pleased to see it came with a digital copy for my iPod Touch. I got D American Idol for PS3, Guitar Hero World Tour, Sleeping Beauty and the first Season of Chuck on Blu-Ray.
Boxing Day
Christmas is exhausting. I slept most of the day on Boxing day but we had to return our rental car (bummer). Since we returned it at Union Station we walked through the mall (Eaton Centre) on our way home. It was sooooo busy! I had bought D a $30 gift Card to Future Shop so she could buy a new Sims game but it was just too busy to even think about shopping. We went home instead and started watching our new movies and played American Idol.
It's back to work on Monday. Oh well. I'm looking forward to New Years Eve because we have tickets to see the Raptors. Only a few more days!
Friday, December 26, 2008
13 DPI
Still BFN...
Excuses are coming in my mind. Like I remember my Christmas Ticker saying 11 days until Christmas when I went in for my first IUI so I feel like today is not actually 13 DPI but I count on my calendar and it tells me I'm 13 DPI. I also hold out a bit of hope since my Ovidrel BFP which was less than 48 hours after the trigger was a super faint line when I've read others testing 6 to 7 days later to "get rid of the HCG". I wonder if I'm one of those people who will get a late BFP on a HPT (or none at all). Ultimately I know these are just excuses for a BFN. My blood test is scheduled for Monday.
Through all of this D has completely lost faith in my ability to get pregnant. It makes me so sad. She thinks we need to move on to IVF. She says this like IVF will be a walk in the park for me. I don't think she gets how much my body has already been through for this process. I need to call my insurance provider (Sunlife) to see if they'll cover injectibles. So far they have not covered Clomid or Progesterone so I doubt it. I wish D was in a position to carry because I'm sick of being the one responsible for ruining our dreams of having children. I'm also sick of constantly feeling like I've done something wrong during the 2WW to make the pregnancy not stick.
I have an appointment with the new clinic on January 13th so we'll be sitting out January. Our only option otherwise was to do an unmedicated cycle since our current clinic will be closed on my Day 3. I feel like a lost cause so there is no point for an unmedicated cycle. If I can't get pregnant with 2 great follicles then letting me go natural seems like a waste of sperm.
This SUCKS.
Fuck You 2008. What a year of disappointment.
Excuses are coming in my mind. Like I remember my Christmas Ticker saying 11 days until Christmas when I went in for my first IUI so I feel like today is not actually 13 DPI but I count on my calendar and it tells me I'm 13 DPI. I also hold out a bit of hope since my Ovidrel BFP which was less than 48 hours after the trigger was a super faint line when I've read others testing 6 to 7 days later to "get rid of the HCG". I wonder if I'm one of those people who will get a late BFP on a HPT (or none at all). Ultimately I know these are just excuses for a BFN. My blood test is scheduled for Monday.
Through all of this D has completely lost faith in my ability to get pregnant. It makes me so sad. She thinks we need to move on to IVF. She says this like IVF will be a walk in the park for me. I don't think she gets how much my body has already been through for this process. I need to call my insurance provider (Sunlife) to see if they'll cover injectibles. So far they have not covered Clomid or Progesterone so I doubt it. I wish D was in a position to carry because I'm sick of being the one responsible for ruining our dreams of having children. I'm also sick of constantly feeling like I've done something wrong during the 2WW to make the pregnancy not stick.
I have an appointment with the new clinic on January 13th so we'll be sitting out January. Our only option otherwise was to do an unmedicated cycle since our current clinic will be closed on my Day 3. I feel like a lost cause so there is no point for an unmedicated cycle. If I can't get pregnant with 2 great follicles then letting me go natural seems like a waste of sperm.
This SUCKS.
Fuck You 2008. What a year of disappointment.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
10 DPI
I haven’t been online because D and I were in NYC. We had fun although it was very, very cold. I’ll do a write-up of the trip (with pictures) later.
I just realized that I’m in the home stretch of the 2WW. For some reason I thought I was at 8 or 9 DPI but today is actually 10 DPI. I’ve tested twice but not for obsessive reasons. The first was less than 48 hours after I took the Ovidrel shot. I wanted to see what a BFP looked like. The line was there but I expected it to be darker. It looked exactly like my BFP in July. The second try was on Monday morning. I wanted to make sure all of the HCG was gone and it was.
Now that I know its 10 DPI I’m itching to test for real and may pick up some P-sticks tonight. When I got the BFP in July I was having symptoms and right now I feel pretty normal. I am hoping and praying that this is the try that works. We haven’t really discussed what to do next if it is a BFN. I don’t even want to think about that.
I just realized that I’m in the home stretch of the 2WW. For some reason I thought I was at 8 or 9 DPI but today is actually 10 DPI. I’ve tested twice but not for obsessive reasons. The first was less than 48 hours after I took the Ovidrel shot. I wanted to see what a BFP looked like. The line was there but I expected it to be darker. It looked exactly like my BFP in July. The second try was on Monday morning. I wanted to make sure all of the HCG was gone and it was.
Now that I know its 10 DPI I’m itching to test for real and may pick up some P-sticks tonight. When I got the BFP in July I was having symptoms and right now I feel pretty normal. I am hoping and praying that this is the try that works. We haven’t really discussed what to do next if it is a BFN. I don’t even want to think about that.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
2WW
I'm at 3/2 DPI right now and I'm feeling pretty numb. We're talking about names and are joking about twins but deep down I'm preparing myself for a BFN.
Way back in the spring my friend told me she was pregnant. She conceived on the cycle of my 5th try with a due date a few days off what mine would have been. That was the last cycle I checked due dates. It's just too upsetting when they come and go.
Time goes by so quickly - she had her daugther on Monday. Honestly, I feel like I've been left behind by so many people and it will never be my turn.
Way back in the spring my friend told me she was pregnant. She conceived on the cycle of my 5th try with a due date a few days off what mine would have been. That was the last cycle I checked due dates. It's just too upsetting when they come and go.
Time goes by so quickly - she had her daugther on Monday. Honestly, I feel like I've been left behind by so many people and it will never be my turn.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
1 DPI
I'm just back from my second IUI. BOTH follicles released.
Now I sit and wait.
I've got plenty to keep me busy with traveling to NYC and Christmas of course. My official day for my pregnancy test is December 28th!
I hope and pray this one works!
Now I sit and wait.
I've got plenty to keep me busy with traveling to NYC and Christmas of course. My official day for my pregnancy test is December 28th!
I hope and pray this one works!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
0 DPI
I had my first IUI this morning at 11:30 am. I liked the doctor who performed it because she was extremely gentle.
My LH was still on the low side, only 45. Normally I'm much higher for the first IUI. Needless to say I do not regret having the second vial for tomorrow - at all. Two insemination's is a really hard habit to break.
We are hemorrhaging money right now. Just today I spent $100 on the Ovidrel shot and $144 on Progesterone. Add to that another $150 to reactivate my cellphone and pay my past due bill. I forgot that I had a pre-auth payment plan so when I lost my wallet back in October I didn't give them my new Visa number. I actually thought the payment was coming out of my debit account but everything is so automated I missed it.
I hope someone gives us money for Christmas!!
My LH was still on the low side, only 45. Normally I'm much higher for the first IUI. Needless to say I do not regret having the second vial for tomorrow - at all. Two insemination's is a really hard habit to break.
We are hemorrhaging money right now. Just today I spent $100 on the Ovidrel shot and $144 on Progesterone. Add to that another $150 to reactivate my cellphone and pay my past due bill. I forgot that I had a pre-auth payment plan so when I lost my wallet back in October I didn't give them my new Visa number. I actually thought the payment was coming out of my debit account but everything is so automated I missed it.
I hope someone gives us money for Christmas!!
Friday, December 12, 2008
bleh
"Bleh" describes how I feel.
I went to the clinic for 12:30 and when put in the room waiting for the Doctor I started to cry so hard. I sat there crying and crying.
When she finally came in I was a wreck. My LH was 28 which means I'm surging now. She said I could take my Ovidrel right away (which I did) and I was told to go back in tomorrow for my first IUI. I may end up doing 2 since I have the extra vial.
Do you ever have a cycle where you think it's so good you better not fuck it up? This is the first time I've had such great follicles. The last two cycles were almost canceled because I performed so badly and had cysts.
As I cried to my Doctor "I just want this time to work so badly" but doesn't everyone? She tried to make me feel better by telling me one of her Lesbian couples just got pregnant. Yeah, that didn't make me feel all that great. I know it's possible for Lesbian couples to get pregnant. I just want to know why this one (ME) can't! I had really hoped that triggering would help. I'm not even sure it matters now since I've surging on my own.
Sigh.
I'm going to go and try to relax now... which means I'm going to sleep.
I went to the clinic for 12:30 and when put in the room waiting for the Doctor I started to cry so hard. I sat there crying and crying.
When she finally came in I was a wreck. My LH was 28 which means I'm surging now. She said I could take my Ovidrel right away (which I did) and I was told to go back in tomorrow for my first IUI. I may end up doing 2 since I have the extra vial.
Do you ever have a cycle where you think it's so good you better not fuck it up? This is the first time I've had such great follicles. The last two cycles were almost canceled because I performed so badly and had cysts.
As I cried to my Doctor "I just want this time to work so badly" but doesn't everyone? She tried to make me feel better by telling me one of her Lesbian couples just got pregnant. Yeah, that didn't make me feel all that great. I know it's possible for Lesbian couples to get pregnant. I just want to know why this one (ME) can't! I had really hoped that triggering would help. I'm not even sure it matters now since I've surging on my own.
Sigh.
I'm going to go and try to relax now... which means I'm going to sleep.
I hate this process
I think I may have said that a few times.
So I go in today and the woman at the blood lab who knows me pretty well since this is my 9th monitored cycle asked if "today was the day" . When I said no she looked puzzled and told me my LH went up yesterday. Following this the u/s tech told me she could tell I was about to ovulate because of fluid build up. She asked if it was my day for my IUI and when I said no she suggested I talk to the nurse.
Can anyone really blame me for being so confused? I'm on the verge of tears. Here comes the TTC hysteria again.
Luckily the doctor who is performing the IUI appointments today is my doctor. I talked to the nurse (I think she hates me) and asked if I could sign-up to speak with the doctor and see my results. She said I could so I'm going back at 12:30. The last thing I want to hear is that my LH is high and go in tomorrow to see that I've ovulated.
On one hand I do not want to do this because I feel like I shouldn't be questioning authority. I feel like I could mess up my cycle by not trusting them. On the other hand I think it can't hurt to at least ask the questions and see my results. After all, I have reason to be worried because they have missed my ovulation in the past so I know it can happen.
I also ordered a second vial of sperm which is on the road RIGHT NOW to arrive at my clinic at 11:00 am. Therefore if my LH is high today, I'll inseminate, trigger and go back in for a second IUI tomorrow. Even if my LH is low today and I decided to trigger and go in tomorrow I will not regret having the second vial. This was the last unit they had on hand for this donor and if this cycle does not work I'll want to try with him again anyway so we'll just send it back and store it. It's a win-win situation in my opinion.
I've also decided that this is the last try at this clinic. I had thought about switching doctors but I already have a referral to a second clinic. For the longest time I kept talking myself into thinking it's not so bad but then I get into a cycle and want to trust them and I get mixed signals. There is a huge barrier at this clinic between patient and doctor. You ask your doctor a question and they say they can't answer it because your file is with cycle monitoring, you ask the cycle monitoring nurse a question and she tells you to speak to your doctor.
I think I need a smaller setting so I've switched to a clinic that is not "cattle call". I've heard good things about it. It may cost more but at this point I do not care. How can you put a price tag on trust and comfort? I e-mailed them today and asked for an appointment in the new year. I am not saying this cycle is a write-off because I do not think it is. Really, it's another win-win situation. I either get pregnant and cancel the consultation or I get to go to a new clinic by my next cycle.
So I go in today and the woman at the blood lab who knows me pretty well since this is my 9th monitored cycle asked if "today was the day" . When I said no she looked puzzled and told me my LH went up yesterday. Following this the u/s tech told me she could tell I was about to ovulate because of fluid build up. She asked if it was my day for my IUI and when I said no she suggested I talk to the nurse.
Can anyone really blame me for being so confused? I'm on the verge of tears. Here comes the TTC hysteria again.
Luckily the doctor who is performing the IUI appointments today is my doctor. I talked to the nurse (I think she hates me) and asked if I could sign-up to speak with the doctor and see my results. She said I could so I'm going back at 12:30. The last thing I want to hear is that my LH is high and go in tomorrow to see that I've ovulated.
On one hand I do not want to do this because I feel like I shouldn't be questioning authority. I feel like I could mess up my cycle by not trusting them. On the other hand I think it can't hurt to at least ask the questions and see my results. After all, I have reason to be worried because they have missed my ovulation in the past so I know it can happen.
I also ordered a second vial of sperm which is on the road RIGHT NOW to arrive at my clinic at 11:00 am. Therefore if my LH is high today, I'll inseminate, trigger and go back in for a second IUI tomorrow. Even if my LH is low today and I decided to trigger and go in tomorrow I will not regret having the second vial. This was the last unit they had on hand for this donor and if this cycle does not work I'll want to try with him again anyway so we'll just send it back and store it. It's a win-win situation in my opinion.
I've also decided that this is the last try at this clinic. I had thought about switching doctors but I already have a referral to a second clinic. For the longest time I kept talking myself into thinking it's not so bad but then I get into a cycle and want to trust them and I get mixed signals. There is a huge barrier at this clinic between patient and doctor. You ask your doctor a question and they say they can't answer it because your file is with cycle monitoring, you ask the cycle monitoring nurse a question and she tells you to speak to your doctor.
I think I need a smaller setting so I've switched to a clinic that is not "cattle call". I've heard good things about it. It may cost more but at this point I do not care. How can you put a price tag on trust and comfort? I e-mailed them today and asked for an appointment in the new year. I am not saying this cycle is a write-off because I do not think it is. Really, it's another win-win situation. I either get pregnant and cancel the consultation or I get to go to a new clinic by my next cycle.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
More bitching
I'm really upset that my IUI is not tomorrow. I don't understand the point of the trigger if they're going to wait for my LH surge anyway? If I ovulate before Saturday I'm going to be really pissed off because this was a perfect try. Two great follicles!! Ugh.
THIS is the reason that I wanted to use a known donor. It's the only way you can have access to sperm outside of a fertility clinic in Canada and the only way to have any control over the process.
THIS is the reason that I wanted to use a known donor. It's the only way you can have access to sperm outside of a fertility clinic in Canada and the only way to have any control over the process.
For crying out loud...
Why won't they let me trigger?????
I just got my results and my LH is 6, Estrogen 1452, follicles 2.0 Right, 2.0 Left.
WTH!!! Tomorrow is my 6th day in a row at the clinic and I'm exhausted.
Am I missing something or isn't the point of the Ovidrel trigger to induce ovulation in the absence of an LH surge? My follicles are 2.0 cm!! What's the problem?
I am so annoyed.
Also, my LH is known to skyrocket out of nowhere. LH 6 is a jump from LH4. That is an indication it is starting to rise.
Once again... for crying out loud!!!
I just got my results and my LH is 6, Estrogen 1452, follicles 2.0 Right, 2.0 Left.
WTH!!! Tomorrow is my 6th day in a row at the clinic and I'm exhausted.
Am I missing something or isn't the point of the Ovidrel trigger to induce ovulation in the absence of an LH surge? My follicles are 2.0 cm!! What's the problem?
I am so annoyed.
Also, my LH is known to skyrocket out of nowhere. LH 6 is a jump from LH4. That is an indication it is starting to rise.
Once again... for crying out loud!!!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
And we keep on monitoring....
I have my Ovidrel in hand and I wish they had told me to use it today. By the sounds of it they are going to trigger me tomorrow. I'm certain I'm close to surging on my own so I'm hoping that will show in my b/w tomorrow and I'll trigger just to ensure both follies pop. I have a 1.9 follicle on the left and right. Twins, baby, twins! That would be too funny after all these months of stress that I'd get pregnant with twins. I think we'd be done and I'd be OK with that!
D is sick and I'm starting to feel like I'm coming down with something too. I hope I get it ASAP if I'm going to. I don't want a bug to interfere with NYC.
In other topics, Christmas Shopping - I'm now officially done.
I had to buy my brother a couple of "fun" things to add to his gift. I bought him Guitar Hero for Nintendo DS after giving up on Lego since it is so expensive. I also got him a Crayola Star Wars colour explosion kit and the book Guitar Heaven which tells you about different guitars and who has made them famous. I already had a couple of shirts and a Star Wars reference guide.
I bought D a few things as well but I'm not going to post that on here because she may be reading!! Of course we're not supposed to be buying presents but I'm ignoring that!
D is sick and I'm starting to feel like I'm coming down with something too. I hope I get it ASAP if I'm going to. I don't want a bug to interfere with NYC.
In other topics, Christmas Shopping - I'm now officially done.
I had to buy my brother a couple of "fun" things to add to his gift. I bought him Guitar Hero for Nintendo DS after giving up on Lego since it is so expensive. I also got him a Crayola Star Wars colour explosion kit and the book Guitar Heaven which tells you about different guitars and who has made them famous. I already had a couple of shirts and a Star Wars reference guide.
I bought D a few things as well but I'm not going to post that on here because she may be reading!! Of course we're not supposed to be buying presents but I'm ignoring that!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Results
I'm not surging. My LH was only 4 today and my lead follicle is 1.9 cm. It drives me nuts when the u/s techs make comments because I'm a worrier. The one piece of advice that really irks me is when people tell me to "relax" and let it happen. Anyone going through this knows there is nothing relaxing about ttc using a fertility clinic. That said my 4 month TTC vacation has rejuvinated me and I am taking things more in stride. When I went to speak with my RE's receptionist to ask about the trigger shot I did not freak out. When she told me to speak to the cycle monitoring nurse I decided to leave. I left because I knew that seeing the nurse wouldn't get me anywhere and it wasn't wort the stress. Well lo and behold guess what the nurse instructed me over voice mail this afternoon? She told me to pick up my Ovidrel tomorrow so that I have it for when I'm instructed to use it. This is pretty much proof that they are NOT on top of things. My questioning this morning clearly woke someone up because Ovidrel has been on my protocol for 3 cycles and this is the first time I've been given any instructions. I told D that if this is another BFN we really need to go to a different clinic. I know it's going to be a pain to transfer my file and start over again but the place I'm at is a lost cause. Needless to say I will not be sending them a baby picture to put up as a success story. A poopy diaper, maybe.
O.M.G.
This morning really sucked. I told D I wasn’t in the mood to jockey for a spot on the elevator before 7:00 am so we decided to arrive at 7:00 am instead (when the clinic opens). That meant I’d be about 12th on the list and need to wait about 30 min to get in for my u/s. The women at my clinic are early risers and usually get there well before the clinic opens. So we get there at about 7:05 and the fire alarm is ringing and it’s clear that nobody has made it upstairs. The lobby was packed! We waited and waited and waited until we were told at 7:30 that it would be another half an hour. By this point the lobby was overflowing with hormonal women with blackberry/cells in hand that were typing away and calling their offices saying they’d be late. Naturally when the elevators finally started working everyone wanted to be the first on.
In the end it seemed like the fertility gods were on my side. When I finally got upstairs to the clinic the sign-up sheet for u/s was not on the u/s desk so everyone was running to the blood lab. Since blood takes about 5 min and u/s about 15 I waited to sign-up for the u/s first. Lucky thing I did because I was top 10 on the u/s list and top 20 for blood work. I got into both in a reasonable amount of time and was out of there by 8:30.
As for my u/s, it caused me stress. The tech asked if I was having my IUI today. I hate when they do that! Of course I now think I’m going to ovulate before my IUI. I’m trying to stay calm. I bet I won’t be having a trigger shot again this cycle. I’m pretty sure my call today will tell me I’m surging and my IUI will be tomorrow. Darn it all.
In the end it seemed like the fertility gods were on my side. When I finally got upstairs to the clinic the sign-up sheet for u/s was not on the u/s desk so everyone was running to the blood lab. Since blood takes about 5 min and u/s about 15 I waited to sign-up for the u/s first. Lucky thing I did because I was top 10 on the u/s list and top 20 for blood work. I got into both in a reasonable amount of time and was out of there by 8:30.
As for my u/s, it caused me stress. The tech asked if I was having my IUI today. I hate when they do that! Of course I now think I’m going to ovulate before my IUI. I’m trying to stay calm. I bet I won’t be having a trigger shot again this cycle. I’m pretty sure my call today will tell me I’m surging and my IUI will be tomorrow. Darn it all.
Monday, December 8, 2008
CD 13 and Growing
I have nothing much to say today but wanted to record my results. The follies are growing and are 1.7, 1.6, 1.5 & 1.5 cm. Thankfully one good thing about having a single IUI is that its easier to hide the appointment when its on a work day.
I'm off to watch How I met Your Mother and to eat dinner!
I'm off to watch How I met Your Mother and to eat dinner!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Good News
Wow, it feels like such a long time since my body has done something so perfect! When I wasn't on Clomid my cycles were identical. I could count on ovulating on CD15 and my follicles (1 per try) grew at the expected rate of 0.2 cm per day. Then presumably clomid screwed that up with my last 2 monitored cycles being disastrous.
That said, I was really upset leaving the clinic this morning because I saw my chart and thought my follicles for CD12 were 1.0, 1.0, 0.9cm. Shiteous development. I was worrying the whole way home that I was a lost cause and I'd somehow irrevocably messed with my cycle... I'd never get pregnant!
Well.... not so! I was reading Friday's results! My results for today were 4 follicles: 1.4, 1.4, 1.3 and 1.2 cm. Officially the BEST clomid results to date! The 1.2 cm follicle may not catch up but I have at least 2 follies growing at the same rate! HOLY CRAP!!!! Needless to say I'm thrilled!!
As for the metformin - I've had no side effects. My doctor has me tapering on adding 500 mg per week so right now I'm only on 500 mg. It feels so good to finally be starting this protocol. I do admit I'm still skeptical over what it's going to do since 1) I already ovulate on my own and 2) I have regular cycles. We shall see! For now I'm on a happy follicle high! It looks like I'll get to inseminate before the end of the week!
That said, I was really upset leaving the clinic this morning because I saw my chart and thought my follicles for CD12 were 1.0, 1.0, 0.9cm. Shiteous development. I was worrying the whole way home that I was a lost cause and I'd somehow irrevocably messed with my cycle... I'd never get pregnant!
Well.... not so! I was reading Friday's results! My results for today were 4 follicles: 1.4, 1.4, 1.3 and 1.2 cm. Officially the BEST clomid results to date! The 1.2 cm follicle may not catch up but I have at least 2 follies growing at the same rate! HOLY CRAP!!!! Needless to say I'm thrilled!!
As for the metformin - I've had no side effects. My doctor has me tapering on adding 500 mg per week so right now I'm only on 500 mg. It feels so good to finally be starting this protocol. I do admit I'm still skeptical over what it's going to do since 1) I already ovulate on my own and 2) I have regular cycles. We shall see! For now I'm on a happy follicle high! It looks like I'll get to inseminate before the end of the week!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
I took the Pill....
And I liked it...
I lie. I didn't like it. I've be fretting over it since August but that damn pill is in my tummy and better be making baby magic!
My results for CD10 were vague and the nurse spent most of her voice recorded update making the point that I switched donors. She said something about my follicles being 1.0 cm but didn't say how many or where. This would be normal for me since I would start going into the clinic on CD12 and see a follicle at about 1.2 cm. Of course, that is "normal" when I wasn't taking clomid. I swear that stuff does not work for me!
Anyway.. she made this huge deal that the donor I'm using is different than the one in July and repeated the donor number 3 or 4 times. She also told me about 5 times that I had to resign my donor consent form because "I had switched donors". I'm going to be a big girl and go in and sign the consent form and I'm not going to make any comments towards their inconsistent policies. The petty side of me would LOVE to point out that this is my 4th donor and the first time they've asked me to re-sign my donor consent form.
Oh well. I'm on Metformin now and I'm going to get pregnant this time with the donor I really like and I'm going to tell them to stuff it..... and I'll never go back. hehe
I lie. I didn't like it. I've be fretting over it since August but that damn pill is in my tummy and better be making baby magic!
My results for CD10 were vague and the nurse spent most of her voice recorded update making the point that I switched donors. She said something about my follicles being 1.0 cm but didn't say how many or where. This would be normal for me since I would start going into the clinic on CD12 and see a follicle at about 1.2 cm. Of course, that is "normal" when I wasn't taking clomid. I swear that stuff does not work for me!
Anyway.. she made this huge deal that the donor I'm using is different than the one in July and repeated the donor number 3 or 4 times. She also told me about 5 times that I had to resign my donor consent form because "I had switched donors". I'm going to be a big girl and go in and sign the consent form and I'm not going to make any comments towards their inconsistent policies. The petty side of me would LOVE to point out that this is my 4th donor and the first time they've asked me to re-sign my donor consent form.
Oh well. I'm on Metformin now and I'm going to get pregnant this time with the donor I really like and I'm going to tell them to stuff it..... and I'll never go back. hehe
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Another step toward Metformin
Maybe if I trusted my doctor I'd be more willing to try Metformin? Well after reading Queerstork's last blog entry (thank you for the inspiration/motivation) I decided to go and fill that darn prescription. I was sooooo confident all the way to the drugstore and even coming home. I thought I'd take the first pill tonight!
but...now I have it at home now and I'm about to walk it upstairs to hide it in the linen closest (away from D who will force me to take it). Why does this drug sound so freakin' scary to me? The paper they gave me with all the scary warnings tells me to wear a medic alert bracelet. Why?
I googled "Metformin and TTC" and I got pages of women thanking Metformin for helping regulate their cycle (and a few pages about the aforementioned scary side effects). I have a regular cycle. I've NEVER missed a period. We know someone how had great success with Metformin (she's on her 2nd pregnancy), so who knows, maybe it would work?
but...now I have it at home now and I'm about to walk it upstairs to hide it in the linen closest (away from D who will force me to take it). Why does this drug sound so freakin' scary to me? The paper they gave me with all the scary warnings tells me to wear a medic alert bracelet. Why?
I googled "Metformin and TTC" and I got pages of women thanking Metformin for helping regulate their cycle (and a few pages about the aforementioned scary side effects). I have a regular cycle. I've NEVER missed a period. We know someone how had great success with Metformin (she's on her 2nd pregnancy), so who knows, maybe it would work?
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Donor History
Clearly the most difficult part of our TTC has been selecting our donor. We've used 3 donors with Fairfax and are moving on to our first Xytex donor. We also had plenty of Known donor drama but I'm not going to get into that. I'm utterly shocked that we've switched donors 3x already and even more shocked that I'm not completely freaking out about it. I didn't want ANY sperm. I was aiming for immaculate conception.
Donor #1 - D's #1 choice, my #2 choice. Purchased 8 vials in July 2007. Used for Try #1-#4. Sold back 3 unused vials when told this donor was becoming extinct. I've been in contact with a mom who used this donor and she has indicated he is no longer available in the US however he is still listed as available in Canada. I do not regret selling him back.
Note: This is a deceiving baby picture. He actually had brown hair and hazel eyes as an adult.
Donor #2 - My #1 choice, D's #2 choice. Purchased 2 vials in March 2008. Used for try #5. I really liked this donor but his count and motility was much lower than Donor #1. We also were starting to feel guilty about not using an Open ID donor (thanks Oprah) and decided that if this try was a BFN we'd switch to our Open ID selection, Donor #3.
Donor #3 - 3rd choice. 2 vials purchased June 2008. Used for Try#6 - Chemical pregnancy/False Positive. We attempted to buy more for Try #7 however he is completely sold out. Not a surprise considering Fairfax has an extremely limited selection of Open ID donors. My feelings on this donor are mixed. I felt I had to try him. Ironically he may be the one that had worked.
He's not choice #4. He's a new chapter in our Journey and our #1 choice in that journey. We both feel he meets our criteria better than the other 3 donors combined. He is left Handed (like D) and has detached earlobes (like D) and has the right hair colour and complexion (like D). Its funny that something as small as detached earlobes would ever be something to consider as criteria in selecting a donor but since I have attached earlobes D felt strongly our donor should have detached.
I really hope he is the one!!
Donor #1 - D's #1 choice, my #2 choice. Purchased 8 vials in July 2007. Used for Try #1-#4. Sold back 3 unused vials when told this donor was becoming extinct. I've been in contact with a mom who used this donor and she has indicated he is no longer available in the US however he is still listed as available in Canada. I do not regret selling him back.Note: This is a deceiving baby picture. He actually had brown hair and hazel eyes as an adult.
Donor #2 - My #1 choice, D's #2 choice. Purchased 2 vials in March 2008. Used for try #5. I really liked this donor but his count and motility was much lower than Donor #1. We also were starting to feel guilty about not using an Open ID donor (thanks Oprah) and decided that if this try was a BFN we'd switch to our Open ID selection, Donor #3.
Donor #3 - 3rd choice. 2 vials purchased June 2008. Used for Try#6 - Chemical pregnancy/False Positive. We attempted to buy more for Try #7 however he is completely sold out. Not a surprise considering Fairfax has an extremely limited selection of Open ID donors. My feelings on this donor are mixed. I felt I had to try him. Ironically he may be the one that had worked.FX for Lucky #7 - Donor #4
He's not choice #4. He's a new chapter in our Journey and our #1 choice in that journey. We both feel he meets our criteria better than the other 3 donors combined. He is left Handed (like D) and has detached earlobes (like D) and has the right hair colour and complexion (like D). Its funny that something as small as detached earlobes would ever be something to consider as criteria in selecting a donor but since I have attached earlobes D felt strongly our donor should have detached.
I really hope he is the one!!
Sonohystogram
I'm back from my Sonohystogram and it went well. I've had one before so I knew what to expect. It did hurt a bit more this time but I think that may be because it was my Doctor performing the procedure and I think she's a bit rough inserting the catheter. I only say this because of the 9 IUI's I've had only 1 has hurt and it was the one my own RE performed. Go figure.
Anyway... I feel like I'm being very productive this cycle and I can't wait until Friday to see how many follicles I have. We've rented a car this weekend because chances are I'll be at the clinic Friday, Saturday and Sunday morning. My RE has been good with the last couple of cycles and has given me a bit of a break however she used to have me in every single cycle day past 10 to monitor. We're also helping our friend move into her new condo and I'm going to visit my parents. I could have taken the TTC to my friends but it involved a cross city subway and a bus. I also could have taken a bus to see my family but although I love public transportation I hate riding the bus!! I define public tranist as a Streetcar, Subway or Train. One day I should write about the time I took a RETURN bus to Florida (36 hours each way).
I'm going to go take a nap. I'm really feeling the gravol and motrin. I can barely keep my eyes open!
Anyway... I feel like I'm being very productive this cycle and I can't wait until Friday to see how many follicles I have. We've rented a car this weekend because chances are I'll be at the clinic Friday, Saturday and Sunday morning. My RE has been good with the last couple of cycles and has given me a bit of a break however she used to have me in every single cycle day past 10 to monitor. We're also helping our friend move into her new condo and I'm going to visit my parents. I could have taken the TTC to my friends but it involved a cross city subway and a bus. I also could have taken a bus to see my family but although I love public transportation I hate riding the bus!! I define public tranist as a Streetcar, Subway or Train. One day I should write about the time I took a RETURN bus to Florida (36 hours each way).
I'm going to go take a nap. I'm really feeling the gravol and motrin. I can barely keep my eyes open!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Sleepless
I haven't slept well the last couple of nights. I checked and apparently insomnia can be a symptom of Clomid. I wonder if that's it? I'm working from home tomorrow so at least I do not have to get up early.
To pass the time I have been searching people on Facebook to see what they are up to. I haven't requested a lot of friends and I've ignored more than a few requests. I prefer to lurk.
Through the years I've had 4 or 5 "best friends". I've kept casually in contact with them. Its strange for me to lurk around and see the same old cliques hanging out together. Like when I see pictures of a baby shower and it is a flashback from High School with all the same people. Maybe if I hadn't moved to Toronto I'd still be hanging around the same friends? Honestly, I doubt it.
Anyway.. we'll see what happens on Friday night when I visit my parents. I'm stopping by my friends birthday party and I know there will be a few faces I recognize. Maybe this is my opportunity to reconnect with High School friends.... or not!
Oh, and have I mentioned my other little hobby while not sleeping??
MESSING UP MY BLOG TEMPLATE.
I can't seem to get the Pyzam layouts to work and my HTML skills belong in 1998. I'm pretty useless here.
To pass the time I have been searching people on Facebook to see what they are up to. I haven't requested a lot of friends and I've ignored more than a few requests. I prefer to lurk.
Through the years I've had 4 or 5 "best friends". I've kept casually in contact with them. Its strange for me to lurk around and see the same old cliques hanging out together. Like when I see pictures of a baby shower and it is a flashback from High School with all the same people. Maybe if I hadn't moved to Toronto I'd still be hanging around the same friends? Honestly, I doubt it.
Anyway.. we'll see what happens on Friday night when I visit my parents. I'm stopping by my friends birthday party and I know there will be a few faces I recognize. Maybe this is my opportunity to reconnect with High School friends.... or not!
Oh, and have I mentioned my other little hobby while not sleeping??
MESSING UP MY BLOG TEMPLATE.
I can't seem to get the Pyzam layouts to work and my HTML skills belong in 1998. I'm pretty useless here.
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