BFN for sure

AF arrived today so it's official. I'm not as upset as I thought I would be. Getting pregnant on this cycle was going to be a bonus since it would have solved a lot of our problems (switching clinics vs. using a known donor, questioning PCOS etc.) however when I thought I did get pregnant I got really nervous and felt regret. Regret is not something I'd want to feel when I finally get my BFP and I know it was because of one thing - I am so very aware now that want to use our KD (DW's brother) and have a child that is bio related to DW. This has been more than an eye opening experience it has taught me so much about what I want and need. It's ironic that I'm the one who is hung up on genetics and not DW (who doesn't care about it at all) since I will be the "bio" mom but I feel so strongly about this that I would rather carry DW's egg with donor sperm I want it so badly. This was not an option until very recently when DW finally agreed to use her brother and her brother agreed (plus the blessing of their mother). I wanted to start right away but we did what was best and went with our leftover unknown for the last clinic try. I had asked the question - what if we get pregnant and thought it would be exactly what we wanted so who cares where the sperm came from? I guess I answered that question - loud and clear. I'd always wanted to use our KD - from day 1 so this was something BIG for me.

So we're switching to our KD but taking a break first. I have a number of things I need to clean-up from the past year of focusing only on TTC. We've also decided that in the spring next year we're going to go on a backpacking trip through Europe to celebrate our 10th anniversary. After that will start up again. By then my BIL should be in a much better place and we'll be able to start TTC again.