Follow-up

Here's the story..
D spoke to her mom tonight and got the scoop of what's going on. Apparently she (MIL) has yelled at my BIL already for being stupid and irresponsible. She also said that "if he had relations she hopes he used protection" and he confirmed that he does "always". I can't say that I trust or believe that but all 3 kids were unplanned so maybe after the 3rd he learned a lesson... Hopefully. .

His side of the story is that they went to "try to make it work" I'm not sure I believe it???

REGARDLESS, there is no excuse for him taking off like that without telling anyone, leaving his kids at a babysitter while he's left the country.... AND there is no excuse for him to not tell us over the weekend. He should have known we'd be upset. He hadn't told his mom either and she was A-N-G-R-Y when she found out!

We BOTH agree that we're furious with him and that this has caused us serious doubts about his honesty however we're not sure what to think until we talk to him. It's sad that this has happened because I really wanted to help him... I still want to help the kids.

That said, DW had a meltdown because she wants him as our KD. She understands why I'm uncomfortable and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to trust him enough. Seeing my wife cry and say that she is disappointed kills me. I'm totally lost, not sure what to do. We discussed using a cryo as a designated known donor but it's expensive ($1000 intake + $400 per sample + cost for serological testing). For now we're going to take it one day at a time. IF my BIL can make me trust him again I may think of using him. I feel like the a-hole now but what can you really do? I sometimes feel punished by this process. It's not supposed to be easy for two people of the same sex to have kids and my feelings towards biology have transferred over to my wife and now she wants a bio related child as well. I mean, it's only fair. Right?

I guess the good news is that I stopped crying somewhere around mid-day. After hearing my BIL side of things from my MIL makes me feel like an idiot for wanting to believe him but this is what WE want. We're not worried that he's going to sue us or anything (for custody) but I am worried he's going to give me an STD. I think I have just cause... he also has every right to "have relations" with his wife but DO NOT PLAY IT UP LIKE SHE IS EVIL.

If only there could be a solution... if I'd gotten pregnant months ago this wouldn't even be something to discuss.