December 7th - Part 2

Update: I was lucky and my Aunt called us tonight because she'd received our thank you card from the shower. That made things a bit easier since everyone is so hard to get in contact with these days. I asked if she'd spoken with my mother recently and she said she hadn't. I guess my mom has been keeping her phone off the hook, avoiding calls. So typical. I felt bad for being a downer and telling her what happened and there was even a bit of judging on my aunt's part (suggesting I may have provoked her). My mother and her sisters are so close it is actually strange. She said she didn't know what was said but she'd get to the bottom of it. I made a point of saying my mother made a completely unprovoked statement and that it was in the morning so there was no alcohol involved (I hope). The good news that came out of the call was that my aunt who normally vacations in Arizona over the winter months is staying home this year. THANK GOODNESS. At the very least my mother will not be alone this year!! That takes a huge weight off off my shoulders. Huge.

As for her motive - was she being manipulative? I'm not sure. Re-reading what I'd written made it sound so dramatic and to be 100% honest it was. So much so that I don't think it could be manipulation. Manipulation was when my mother tried to encourage her sisters and my cousins not to attend my baby shower. Manipulation is playing the "who will call first game". This was my mother in deep despair and self loathing over her OWN choices. She didn't go to our baby shower because it was hosted by my step-mother and she's not coming to the hospital because my dad may be there. She's suffering over something that happened 3 decades ago and making me feel like I'm part of some really messed up child custody battle. My guess is that she has been digging this hole since the baby shower knowing that she was missing something she wanted to attend and that her family was there without her. At the same time my Aunt became a grandmother and was there with her daughter. HER choices are preventing her from experiencing these things and now she's paying for it. Her resentment for my father is palpable. Just like everything else in her life the easiest thing she knows is to run. NOT to be a grandmother is easier than being a grandmother that is missing out.

For now I'm going to let things rest. I'm seeing my dad tomorrow when he comes in to pick up our crib and drop off our glider. We're also going to dinner for his birthday. I'm keeping focused on the GOOD. It's all I can do.