13 DPI

Still BFN...

Excuses are coming in my mind. Like I remember my Christmas Ticker saying 11 days until Christmas when I went in for my first IUI so I feel like today is not actually 13 DPI but I count on my calendar and it tells me I'm 13 DPI. I also hold out a bit of hope since my Ovidrel BFP which was less than 48 hours after the trigger was a super faint line when I've read others testing 6 to 7 days later to "get rid of the HCG". I wonder if I'm one of those people who will get a late BFP on a HPT (or none at all). Ultimately I know these are just excuses for a BFN. My blood test is scheduled for Monday.

Through all of this D has completely lost faith in my ability to get pregnant. It makes me so sad. She thinks we need to move on to IVF. She says this like IVF will be a walk in the park for me. I don't think she gets how much my body has already been through for this process. I need to call my insurance provider (Sunlife) to see if they'll cover injectibles. So far they have not covered Clomid or Progesterone so I doubt it. I wish D was in a position to carry because I'm sick of being the one responsible for ruining our dreams of having children. I'm also sick of constantly feeling like I've done something wrong during the 2WW to make the pregnancy not stick.

I have an appointment with the new clinic on January 13th so we'll be sitting out January. Our only option otherwise was to do an unmedicated cycle since our current clinic will be closed on my Day 3. I feel like a lost cause so there is no point for an unmedicated cycle. If I can't get pregnant with 2 great follicles then letting me go natural seems like a waste of sperm.

This SUCKS.
Fuck You 2008. What a year of disappointment.