I'm surrounded by pregnant women. It seems like 1/3 of the women on my floor at work have round bellies.
Plus my cousin is pregnant with #2, and my high school BFF is pregnant with #2 (18 months apart!) and bloggy pregnancies and bloggy TTCers.
I was pretty worried about how I'd feel when my cousin announced #2. I was worried I'd feel left behind. I had enjoyed being pregnant with her and our kids are going to be so close growing up BUT there is still that ever present jealousy of her instant success.
I knew it was coming because I knew she was trying. So when she announced I wasn't surprised.
This is the part when everyone reading this thinks I'm a bitch because I was happy when she found out she was having a second boy (and thought it would be a girl).
I'm a bitter awful bitch and I can admit that... but honestly, the real deal is that I'm dragging my feet concerning #2 because I'm terrified of going through the horrible disapointment again and especially with only 6 vials of Sadie's donor left. TTC sucks. Even thinking about it sucks. For those of you who have been there and are doing it again... you are braver than I am!
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Sorry. I get the bitter bitch stuff. I think a lot of people feel those feelings but don't admit them. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou never know. My TTC for #2 was faster and easier than #1. Maybe you'll have a better experience. I also felt in some ways it was a bit easier because we already had a child so it wasn't that we would be childless if it didn't work. Not that it's easy but it is different.
I think one of the hardest parts going back to the process for us is that we really loved our doctor and then she left. Now we're kind of up in the air. We have a referral for Dr. R but I'm not sure if commuting into Toronto is going to add more stress. It feels a lot like square one again.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine and understand that you're bitter. We were extremely lucky both times (2 tries for Erik and 3 for Ian), but even getting lucky was stressful enough. I think a lot of people feel the same way you do.
ReplyDeleteThe commuting is a pain, but it's only a few days out of the month, and you're in and out of there in 10 minutes most times. It's just the drive that sucks.
I totally understand the bitchy thoughts, no judgment here.
ReplyDeleteFor us ttc again was easier too. No matter what happened, we already had Bird. The pressure was so much less... Still, that sucks about your doctor, I hope you can find a solution you're happy with.
We only have 6 vials of our donor left too... and 3 of them can't be released to Canada. I haven't read enough to understand what the PP means about your doctor, but I hope that if you eventually try to go ahead and try for a second that it happens quickly!
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