The situation? I found out that my step-mom had sent out the invites to our baby shower and that she wrote the party time as between 1 and 3pm. Needless to say I'm slightly annoyed. My parents are SOCIAL. They throw large parties on a regular basis and they are never so rigidly planned. 2 hours for a baby shower? What does that say to people? Please come and drop off a present and take a piece of cake? The only excuse I can think of is that they are not formal invitation types.
Anyway, my mother was the first to relay the complaints of how "odd" the invite was. My Aunt (mom's younger sister and mom of my pregnant cousin) was one of those who complained. Apparently she's working that day and so is my youngest cousin and "they do not want to lose a full day of pay for 2 hours". My mother went on to say that they had a "great idea". She suggested that instead of my 4 cousins, 2 aunts and mother going to my baby shower they would have a "family get together after the babies are born". That way, my mother told me enthusiastically, my cousin and I could "get together with the babies" and "wouldn't that be fun?".
My response was "I really don't care" but not to plan anything within the first 2 months after the birth because that's full on winter (I'm not driving) and flu season. I told her we would not be parading the new baby around and I refused to commit to it. Whether that is true or not (I do hope people will actually visit us in Toronto and not expect us to commute) I didn't have an appropriate response otherwise. I mean, what could I say? I don't want to FORCE anyone to come to my baby shower. I don't want to make my Aunt & Cousin feel like they need to lose money over it. I wanted to tell her to fuck her family get together and that I'd send pictures of the baby to all of the above. However, even if the tone of my voice gave my extreme disappointment away, my mother wouldn't ever have picked up on it. She thought the idea was GREAT! There would be no convincing otherwise.
The reality is that my mother wasn't coming anyway (because of my father) and my other Aunt lives 9 hours away. Although she had *promised* to come I wouldn't have been that surprised if she'd cancelled. I was really banking on my mom's youngest sister to be there with her daughters. She's the ONLY maternal family I have in Southern Ontario and needless to say I'm furious with her for starting all of this. Having just co-hosted her own daughters shower makes it even more upsetting. Why do they think it is OK to deny me the same treatment at my shower?We were all there for her (not my mother, of course). Having a family get together with my cousin and her baby AFTER ours is born is not celebrating OUR pregnancy. It's a family get together to see the babies. I really can't understand how she doesn't see this?
Honestly, I'm really at my limit with them all at this point. D was ready to make phone calls telling them how upset I was but I urged her not to. She doesn't get that my "I don't care" response is the result of YEARS of being disappointed by my family. Yes, I do care and I did cry to the point of sobbing after speaking to my mom but that won't change anything. It never has and it never will. I'm once again left wondering why they are all so selfish. I know the reality is that my mother sees things her way and apparently sides with her sister. I do not know why 4 weeks notice is not enough time to "switch shifts" to make time but I do know that my step-mom will be pissed off when the regrets come in. I also know she will not keep her displeasure to herself. She's a tough cookie. Maybe if someone else calls them out on it they may see the reality of what it means.
As for the stupid invites? I guess it's too late now that they are out. I'd really like to know what they were thinking or if they weren't. The party will not be 2 hours. That is logistically impossible. I hope other people are smarter and figure that out.
I'm so sorry. I'm sure people will know that there is no way and end time can be determined. Hopefully when the shower starts it will all be forgotten and everyone will have a great time.
ReplyDeleteI don't think the time limit for the party is horrible. It gives people an idea of how long the party is and baby showers can drag on too long with silly games and stuff. I guess it's all your perspective on it--everyone is different. 2 hours should be fine but maybe 3 would've been better if there are a lot of people. Gift opening can be pretty quick too.
ReplyDeleteI do think your mother is not being supportive AT ALL. I honestly think I'd cut her out or tell her off if I were you. She is not being much of a mother these days. I feel bad for you because family can be shitty and you do feel like they should be there. Most of the time, friends seem to be there more often.