My Mother - Part 2

So my mother calls tonight and I thought maybe she was calling to say she'd still come down for a visit. Nope! She wanted me to ask my father if he'd help her find a used car. Ha! I told her to find the car she wanted to buy and then I'd ask my father to see if it was a good deal. There is no way he's going to run around looking at cars for her. She'd probably ask him to drive it up to her as well!
She then asks when I'm going to "ship her stuff". Well, I wasn't going to "ship her stuff" because I thought she was driving down to visit. I have had this box of crap that she left at my place since May when she bought way more than she could ever fly back on a plane with. As it was she had to pay $50 per bag because they were so over packed. She suggested I drive-to-Hamilton to give it to my Aunt who lives in Hamilton to give it to my other Aunt who is down visiting - to fly home with. I told my mother that there was way too much stuff for my Aunt to fly with. She then huffed and said "I bought you a TV so you should ship my stuff to me". THAT was the point that I got nasty. I asked her if she bought us the TV or not because she only says that when she wants me to do something for her. Her answer was that "when she's in a pinch she'll ask for the money back". Well she's been in a pinch a few times now because she brings it up every couple of weeks.
I fully know I'm being difficult here but she buys way too much stuff and then leaves it with me to make elaborate plans to get it back to her. Albeit it's been happening a lot less since she never comes down anymore but it's still annoying. Like, do you really need to buy new colanders in Toronto? I'm pretty sure you can buy those anywhere. It's not a good deal when you need to buy new suitcases and pay overweight baggage charges or ship via Greyhound to get the stuff home.
For a long time I thought that the breakdown in our relationship was entirely my fault but I'm starting to see otherwise. My mother has always been like this. When I was a kid and I was so desperate to spend time with her she'd ditch me for just about anything. When I told her we were looking at houses in Hamilton to be closer to family she told me that she would not come down if we lived there because "everything bad that has happened to her has happened there". That's not very nice when you think that I was born and raised there. It goes hand in hand with her warnings to me about not having a kid because it will "ruin your life". I would say she's heartless but she doesn't even notice that she acts like this. She just acts selfishly on a consistent basis. She's a pretty good "over the phone friend" but as far as actually being a "mom" she gave up that role years ago.

My Mother

Next up, my mother has really pissed me off. I'm not even sure pissed off is the right words for it. I think more it is "greatly disappointed". Since Frank takes 2 pills per day (now 6 with pain and antibiotics) we always need an overnight sitter when we go on vacation. Our regular cat sitter has gone back to school so we're relying on our mothers for help. Given that we've we just spent $700 we decided to cancel our main hotel stay (same amount as vet bill) and have opted for just going away for 1 night.
With little surprise she took this opportunity to say it was "too complicated" anyway and we can just board Frank at the vet. Which is true and something we didn't know was an option in the past but the point was that I still wanted her to come. I suggested she fly down with my uncle and stay for 4 days and then fly back with him (Air Canada buddy pass) but she said no because she doesn't like standby. I was hoping she would still visit because I haven't seen her for more than 2 days in a row in several years. It's so bad it's like I only get to see her at weddings and funerals.
To make it even worse she told me she was coming down for just one night but was going to Mount Forest and then returning home the next day. She wouldn't have a chance to see me. She actually ended the call in a sing-song voice saying "I'll see you one day, I just don't know when".
I'm sorry but this is BS. I can't believe she cares so little that she doesn't want to see me! She's taken to this family in her town and calls the children her "fake grand kids" and spends a lot of time with them (including this trip to Mount Forest for a bird show). I feel like asking if she's forgotten that she has a family. What makes things even worse is that D and I had offered for her to live with us and she'd said she wanted to take care of her "grand baby" but now I'm thinking that everything she does is disappointing and it will likely never happen. I'm living in a dream world thinking that she can be my child's "Nana" and things will be like they were for me (I loved my Nana so much).
Whatever!

The Cat Came Back...

We thought he was a goner but...

Frank is home. This has honestly been the ultimate week from hell. On Wednesday morning we went back to the vet after a horrible night on Tuesday. We'd pretty much decided to put him down because we didn't think things could be worse. I even started to cry in the waiting room thinking it was our last few minutes together. The vet we saw who was the one assigned to the morning emergency appointments was a complete jerk. So much so that we asked to speak with someone else. He basically took one look at Frank and was like "That will heal on it's own, you have two choices, ONE, re-suture and be in the same place again tomorrow or TWO, just let it heal". I told him we were so upset we were thinking of putting him down and he scoffed at me and said "You don't put a cat down for THAT". Maybe if he took the time to listen or could see that my home looked like a scene from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre he'd understand why this was an emergency. On to the next Doctor. She was better but had spoken to him and I hadn't been nice to him so she had a bit of a defensiveness. She at the very least agreed to board Frank for a couple of nights to observe him. She explained that he doesn't really have Kidney Disease and doesn't know why the previous Dr. said that. She said he had a higher than normal level but that could be because he didn't drink enough water overnight (possible since he was attacking his tail all-night-long). I was so pleased that I wouldn't have to bring him home which is what the first Dr. had wanted. Thinking about it, it really was unfair to send him home with NO pain medication. His tail must have been so sore. He was in pain. He would get the sedative and pain medication he needed while boarding so this was a good thing.
At this point my day didn't get any better but at least my first problem was solved. I decided to go home and clean-up. It took over an hour with our Green Machine to clean up all of the blood on the carpet in the spare room. I left a small amount of droplets but the worst of it was over. My MIL helped by using Lysol wipes to clean the walls. It was so gross but thankfully we blocked him into one room during the height of his insanity so at least the mess was contained. Unfortunately our condo smelled badly of blood from top to bottom.
After all of this I went to work and guess what? I lost my wallet!! I was so out of it and upset that my thought and actions were not in sync. I dropped it and remember looking at it and thinking "I need to pick up my wallet" but I guess I didn't. I honestly can't remember but I'm certain that is the moment when it went missing. I guess the train came and I got on it and left my wallet sitting on the platform. Thankfully D had my passport, SIN and Birth Certificate so I've been able to replace my Health Card and Drivers License. I've also made all of the necessary phone calls to my bank, Credit report agencies and the police. I'll be checking with the TTC lost and found next week.
Great week, huh?
I'm glad my baby is back but this week has sucked. A lot..

FRANK!

I’ve had a horrible night. Frank didn’t come out of the anesthesia well. He seemed OK by 11:00 pm so we decided to go to bed but within literally 5 minutes he went crazy and busted out his stitches – blood everywhere again. I’ve spent the night trying to calm him because the emergency clinic told us it would be $145 just to walk through the door and I’d already spent $600!!

So now we’re at an impasse. It cost $500 to suture him but he won’t leave his tail alone so there is no way it is going to heal. Regardless even if we made it through the next 14 days the vet said it was likely we’d need to amputate his tail due to a lack of blood flow to the impacted area. We’re going to have to go back in and either ask to amputate immediately or put him down.

To complicate things while inserting a tube into his mouth they found that the back of his mouth and into his throat is full of ulcers so she did a culture swab ($82) and the blood work given to him to determine if his organs could handle the anesthesia came back indicating he has Kidney Disease. As well they also detected a heart murmur.I don’t even know what to do!

We have such a long history with the Frankenmonster. He has never been well adjusted and our life with him has been filled with turmoil. My mother is terrified of him because he once ripped my leg to shreds after seeing another cat on the back deck. I looked like a red and white zebra. It was awful. But I forgave him and I'm not afraid of him. Today I was but he's not well.

Shortly after this he started marking. We didn't know for a long time and that resulted in a very bad carpet spot. I did everything to get it out but it was a lost cause. This was one of the reasons we moved out of our old place. I didn't want to bring him to the new one but we did and he started marking again. We ended up putting him on an anti-anxiety medicine that has (for the most part) worked. He still does it but not nearly as often. This issue has resulted in the majority of the fights between D and I. There have been many many times when I didn't think I could handle him.
The rest of the fights are about my other cat. The two cats get along for the most part but It gets so bad in the winter that we normally need to separate them. We've been putting up with their winter wars for 9 winters now! Since Clair is using our nursery as her safe haven I've really been harping about the situation a lot. 1) I want to use that room and 2) it makes me sick that our child's room has a cat litter in it right now. The ironic thing is that he is amazing with the children. Of all the things this is what I'd always worried about and it seems it's the one thing he's been awesome with.

So, What do we do? My mother adamantly wants him put down. She knows the whole history and has been on the receiving end of many teary Frank phone calls. She knows our stress but I also have begged her to understand that i love him so much. I've already had one pet put down prematurely and I don't know if emotionally I can handle another. However, the Vet and I did not discuss Kidney Disease or the impact of a Heart Murmur. She was much more concerned that he wasn't coming out of anesthesia normally. I've since visited Dr. google and the prognosis does not look good.

From Dr. Google

Eventually the cat's attempts to compensate for the failure of its kidneys will become insufficient. As the disease gets more severe, many serious complications may result. Ulcers in the mouth and stomach, anemia, and urinary tract infections are common occurrences among cats with chronic kidney failure.

The long-term prognosis for chronic kidney failure is poor since the disease is progressive and irreversible.

Similar things popped up for Heart Murmur including the possiblity of sudden death. What should I do? Should I put him through tail amputation knowning worse things are coming? Will the amputation be any different than the suturing experience? Maybe he has lost his mind and he'll continue to act out. I just don't know. It's amazing what can happen in just a day.

Breaking the Bank

We're totally guilty of an expanding entertainment budget and I think something has to give. Our vacation is now in jeopardy because of Frank (see below) and because we bought more tickets to New Kids on the Block.
Here's the NKOTB irony - they've played three shows in Toronto - about a 3o min walk or 10 minute subway ride from where we live yet we have seen none of those shows! The first show we saw was in Montreal because the tickets for the Toronto show went on Sale when we were on vacation in May. Since D really wanted to go I bought Montreal tickets. We thought we'd have a nice mini-trip so we didn't sell them when the other Toronto shows were announced. Fast forward to September 18th. I start looking online and see NKTOB tix are still available for that night. We talk about it and decide we're not going to go because it would ruin the excitement of going to the show in Montreal. Well.... after we saw the show in Montreal we both looked at each other and said "I wished we'd gone on Thursday". So we got home and checked a few of the closer destinations to see if tickets were available. We had the choice of Chicago, Boston, Cleveland, NYC or Detroit. Let's just say we have tickets to one of those shows!
Add to that our tickets to A Chorus Line, Legally Blonde The Musical, and two other concerts and we've spent a lot of money on entertainment. I also just saw Dirty Dancing on stage (which was awesome).
This may all sound really crazy but the fact is we've always been like this. We love to go out to shows and we love to go on vacations. We've been to New York City once or twice per year for the last 10 years. Lately though we've cut back a lot and this was because we were dedicated to TTC. I won't lie there were 2 NYC interuptions last year. It's why we didn't officially start until September and were out in October. Overall though we have calmed down so much from when we were younger. This is the first CRAZY thing D has agreed to in a long time. Oh wait, that's a lie. The second NYC trip last year was on impulse because I bought a ticket to Spring Awakening (to sit on stage) before asking if that was ok. Ok, maybe we haven't really grown up but we know we need to.
So we're going to cancel our vacation to New England. I was never really that into it. I wanted to go to NYC again. Something feels right about breaking up this vacation and I'm not sure why.

On the TTC front: Before Frank ruined our day (I guess his was ruined too), I was going to go for my PCOS blood work. I didn't make it so I'll have to go on Friday. I keep saying this and there's only Tuesday and Friday each week when it can be done.
Also, D randomly brought home a Clear Blue OPK. I was surprised since those things are like $50. Apparently she didn't like the idea of trying without some sort of monitoring. She also said the grossest thing yesterday. We were talking about how it better work within 2 tries with the fresh stuff because I do not want to go back to the clinic in January. She responded "I'm sure it will work, the proof is in the pudding". Now I know this is an old proverb and all but when you're talking about baby batter lets not use the word pudding? hehe

Oh and I almost forgot. I got an invoice for almost $700 for someone's SPERM! My cryo sent it to me in error!!! I called the lab and my clinic because some poor person was going to go in for their IUI and their sperm would have my name on it! I hope their procedure could still be done. How unprofessional is that? I got an apology from their VP.
Seriously, seeing the $700 bill almost made me want to puke. I'm praying the "old fashioned" way works for us because I'm sick of paying for that junk. I need to remind myself when I'm feeling uncomfortable financially that we spent close to $9000 on TTC in the past year. Duh, that's where all our money is going (other than to NKOTB).

My Frankie

Today has been horrible and it isn't over yet.
We woke up to my 9 year old cat attacking his tail viciously. D went to calm him and ended up covered in blood (his). We soon found blood on the floor, carpet, walls and sideboards. We immediately thought that he'd finally "snapped". He's been a handful since we adopted him at 9 months old and he's on anti-anxiety medication which prevents him from marking and licking all of his belly hair off. He missed two pills (Saturday Night/Sunday Morning) because we were in Montreal this weekend. I felt soooo guilty! We always have a cat sitter but we thought for just one night he'd be fine. I should have known better.
Anyway, I was lucky to get a vet appointment and it was like Frank all of a sudden knew I'd be staying home with him and he was very happy and purring. Stupid Cat. I was furious. Yes he was feeling better but WTH? I am not a cat person, I am a Frank person. I love this cat to death but I just don't get cats. It was Jeykll and Hyde. "Grrrr, eat my tail.... Yawn, lick my bum."
Anyway.. I packed him up and got in a cab. We got to the vet and even the intake receptionist asked Frank if he was faking (because he was being charming) however when the vet saw him he immediately found a 2 inch long cut on the end of his tail. It looked like someone had taken an exacto knife and sliced him open to the bone. At first it didn't look like he'd need to be sutured but once his tail was shaved it was clear the cut was deep. I had to leave him there to be put under for the procedure and I have to go back and pick him around 6:00 pm. The estimate was $450!!!! SHIZ. I'm not sure if we're still going to go away! This is a hard hit (but more on that later in another post).
At this point I'm thinking I should go into the office. I was leaving him behind so all I had to do was get out of my civies and into some work wear and I'd be there by 11:00.
Not so easy.
I get to the subway and it's down due a power outage. Read: someone probably jumped on the tracks. Damn Goddit. So I turned around and came back home to work remotely and try to figure out what happened. We do not have sharp objects anywhere. When I spoke to D she reminded me that Frank made a weird noise under the table last night. I had totally forgotten about that. It was an odd cough/cry that made me say "what the heck was that?". Apparently it was him slicing up his tail. I've already been on my knees touching the base of the table but I can't find anything sharp. It makes sense that it happened there because that's where the blood is puddled where in other places it looks like he's dragged it around. This is all very odd. I need to call in the Cat CSI crime lab so we can prevent this from happening again.

Vacation booked!

Our vacation has now been booked! I found a great hotel right on the ocean. Check it out here.
It's a good distance to all of the things we wanted to do and specifically much closer to Salem. Even though Salem is tacky and touristy I really love it. I'm excited to be there for the Halloween festivities!
I also can't wait to go to Fire and Ice in Boston. I googled it to get the number for reservations and I saw that there is one in Markham. I'm curious to know if this is the same concept (and name) or if it is actually the same restaurant. The website for the grill in the states does not include Markham as a location. The Markham location seems to be more like Zyng where you can pick your vegetables. We may have to check it out...