For the last week or so I've been tiptoeing around a mental health crisis and in the past 24 hours I've had 3 minor panic attacks. I don't know what is going on since I had been feeling pretty good. All I know is that I'm walking dangerously close to the edge and can feel anxiety pulsing through me.
Sometimes I'll blog when I'm feeling this way but most times I don't. I didn't blog about my meltdown 3 days before Disney or the one I had on the eve of Christmas eve. During the latter D thought I should be committed. She didn't get why I'd want to go to Walmart at midnight to buy enough Lysol wipes to hand mop the floor... and then proceed to hand mop the floor.
Having a mental illness sucks and what used to be controlled before pregnancy is back worse than ever. I've been trying to get help but now I fear that as I pursue it my doctor will judge me and say I shouldn't have another child.
Really, I'm a normal person who for the most part lives a very normal life. I have a job that I have never had sick leave from and I get up even on mornings when I'd rather hide under my covers. I keep going. I love Sadie and do so many fun things with her...
If only I could get rid if the obsessive thoughts in my head and live life like everyone else.
If only...
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I'm so sorry you're struggling :( The fact that you know you need some assistance is proof enough to me that you are on the ball. No doctor should judge you for trying to feel better. Hugs, Mama.
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter note, we are heading to Disneyland in a few weeks and I have been looking at your Disney blogs to get some ideas. We are going to 2 character meals! Woohoo!
Sorry to hear you're struggling. I don't think a doctor will judge you because obviously you understand what's going on and you're actively dealing with it. I hope you're feeling better soon.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. I hope this passes soon. You are a normal person. Normal people sometimes have anxiety and sometimes struggle. Strong people are able to admit to it and know that:) Cleaning floors is an excellent way of coping. Hugs.
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