I just can't quit you...

"My host asked what kinds of food I would lIke. My baby shower is being held at a Nail Spa in the back Party Room.. I is not huge so I figure finger food would be best.... Any suggestions?"

"Saturday was the opening day of bow season and I'm 31 weeks pregnant. Just me and my baby bump sat in the woods in a ground blind and I made a perfect shot on a big fat doe just 20 yards away :) I'm not looking for criticism or sparking a anti-hunting controversey - just really proud of myself for my first time killing a deer with a bow and being 31 weeks pregnant at the same time! Any other ladies out there still hunting?"

BabyCenter: You provide me with so much amusement. I just can't quit you... even when you make me neurotic.

Baby Shower stuff

I'm still here...! I think? The problem is that I can't think and I'm not motivated to do anything, including blogging! WTH is my problem? My usefulness is rapidly decreasing (D would argue I've been useless for a while now). ANYWAY... bulleted post:

• Baby Shower Part 1 - As I've mentioned before, we have two planned. One will be hosted by our friend in Toronto and the other will take place at my parents house out of town and will be for family. For a while now I've wondered if the family shower was actually going to happen and then last night my step-mom called last night to ask us who we'd like to invite. Thank goodness! I was starting to worry that they'd neglect to ask D for her family contacts. D was worried too! According to my step-mom, before we had any input, she'd already made a list of 30 people to invite!!??? I think she is inviting people I may not know and I'm extremely curious to find out who is going to be there!!! I guess this means that D and I are being accepted to the point where they will flaunt it to their friends. There's no hiding who we are so clearly they're OK with it!
• Baby Shower Part 2 - Although our friend is hosting, we are helping out... which really translates into me controlling my own Baby Shower because I'm a control freak!! I can't help it. I want the party to be perfect and I want a certain look. It's not about me, really, I want it to be a fun party for our quirky friends.
  That said....D and I went to a party superstore (which was a hellish experience before Halloween) and bought our decorations/plates, etc. We're going with a dark pink and black theme. Probably NOT your typical baby shower colours but our friends will expect nothing less (than odd). I also want THIS cake and no.... I'm not joking. It will be easy to put together because that is clearly a carrot cake from Costco.

In other news I have my first appointment with a therapist regarding my anxiety issues today. I've had a rocky past with therapy because my darkest moods do not come out in public and I generally come across as happy and optimistic. Hopefully I'm able to get into some amount of detail with her and I hope it will help. The therapist I'm going to was referred to me by my "Employee Assistance Program" at work. I get 6 free sessions. So far I'm very pleased with their service since the office I'm going to is literally in the building next door to my condo!! Talk about convenient!

We also have our prenatal classes this weekend and I'm so so so badly dreading them. It's a weekend intensive course and I was excited when I booked them... but now? OMG... how am I going to stay awake? Curious to know if anyone else is planning to go to prenatal?

3rd Trimester!

I can't believe we're in the 3rd tri already!!!

I won't lie though... I'm happy for the progress BUT I've been feeling pretty crappy. It's so true that the 2nd trimester is the best!!

Too tired to write more today or even catch up on blogs. )=

Our Adorable Baby Girl!!

We had our 3D ultrasound this morning. It was a lot of fun but Sadie was NOT cooperating at all!
We were happy regardless and we were pleased that our 20 minute "$99. Tuesday Special" appointment ended up being 45 minutes long. At the end they even asked if we'd come back later to see if we could try again (for free). I wasn't up for it. I know that sounds silly but even as the appointment went on I was shooting D looks to tell her I was done. Ultrasounds are fun but I have limits! I'm guessing that some women may be more likely to complain about not getting a lot of pictures or the quality. We're easy to please because we were thrilled with the session!

She is currently in the frank breech position which means she is bum down in a V shape. Because of this we were not able to get a clear shot of her face. We did get some great profiles though. We were also told 90% girl but she was crossing her legs so it was hard to tell. Here are my favorite pictures.

Picture #1 - Check out her adorable dimple! She's so cute..... but of course I'd say that!!

Picture #2: Those are her knees touching her face and her adorable little hand! I love this shot. I think it is my favorite of them all.
Picture #3: This was the first picture we saw and it was so surprising. She looks so much like my family! We can't wait to see her in person. Will she be my "mini-me"? I'm not sure if that is a good thing....!!

Sadie's Room (Almost done!)

We've accomplished a lot this weekend!

1) Cleared the spare room completely

2) Shampooed the carpet

3) Put down the new PBK rug

4) Completed our "Change Table"

5) Applied the Wall Art

6) Hung Sadie's name on the wall

The pictures:

For our "Change Table" we opted to use our old Ikea Hensvik 3 drawer dresser. I wouldn't say this was a money saving venture because we did end up spending money on the accessories. This is our "before" shot:

Here is the "after" shot. The drawer knobs are from Pottery Barn Kids and the Changing Pad was from a store in Toronto called Li'l Niblets & Sprouts. We love the Changing Pad because it is vinyl/waterproof. We're going to use a receiving blanket in the same pattern (Kushies) to make it soft for Sadie.

Here are some pictures of the Wall Art and Sadie's name on the wall. We're not done with the letters of her name. Right now they are only hanging by ribbon and we do plan on buying something to secure them to the wall (make them less wonky). The circles are "DottiLicious" by WallCandy and the Flowers are by Umbra.
And finally... a Picture of ME where I have not censored my face! This is my 27.5 week belly shot. I'm standing in the parking lot of a grocery store. IF I'd had a better camera we could have captured the CN Tower which was glowing beautiful colours. Instead, I'm just standing in a parking lot! Thrilling.

To complete the room we still need to find a glider and arrange for the delivery of our crib. We also need to buy curtains and do something with the closet. We are thinking of using curtains so we do not have to see the dresser at all times. We also want to add some shelving.

For now, I'm exhausted!!!!!

Feeling better...

Thank you for your kind words and advice. Yesterday was awful – end of the world awful – but today is so much better.
I assume this all started on Tuesday with my less than thrilling OB appointment however the stress of it all didn’t peak until Wednesday night. D said that I was snoring and whimpering at the same time, crying in my sleep. She didn’t want to wake me. In the middle of the night I woke up sick to my stomach and in pain. Everything hurt: my hips, my back, my knees and wrists. I all of a sudden had a dreaded fear of “WTH have I gotten myself into?” Apparently I’m going crazy? D says it’s the baby causing my hormones to go whacky but I know that my past issues with anxiety play a role too. I’m on meds. I’ve been on them since TTC and they have kept me level. Until this week, I guess. Before that my typical pregnancy anxiety has been about the stupidest things ever – e.g. hitting a big bump in the road and wondering if that was the equivalent of a car accident. Or, you know, worrying that Sadie had grown a Penis (I still worry about that one).
I’m going to e-mail my Doula. She has made herself available for the entire pregnancy but I’ve only reached out to her once. I think it is now time that I start to use her as a resource so I can get myself through harder times. I’m also wondering if I’d benefit from some sort of meditation. Maybe she’ll know of a program I can join.
I need to relax. I need to stop reading Baby Center because those women are crazy and it leaks into my head as well. I need to remember that H1N1 is not SARS all over again. I need to make it through the next few months without going bonkers.
One day at a time…

Anxiety

My anxiety is so bad right now.

So bad that I don't want to leave the house.

So bad that I didn't go to work today.

So bad that I've already told my manager that I'm not going tomorrow.

What am I going to do? I saw my OB on Tuesday and he gave me all of 3 minutes of his time. He didn't ask how I was doing or how I was feeling. He simply measured my belly, my weight, my BP and the HB. I tried to ask a question and he answered it while walking out the door. He didn't even say goodbye.

I hated being there. The waiting room (or hallway) was full of sick pregnant ladies in masks (3 of them). I wish I was normal and could process this without freaking out. I sat in the farthest seat from them and was practically in another wing of the hospital. Other women, all pregnant, sat beside them and around them.

I e-mailed my Doula and I asked her what she thought about the flu and giving birth in flu season and she suggested that if it gets bad there may be "alternative birthing sites". She may not be allowed to come to the hospital if it gets bad.

I'm freaking out. I feel like I'm going to catch the flu and die. I feel like for some reason the universe will take me away from Sadie or that D will be taken away from us.

I'm having such a hard time coping with these thoughts and D is beside herself and unsure what to do.

She doesn't understand because she has never suffered from depression or anxiety. She's not the one who is pregnant and so insecure.

It's all me. I feel so alone.

An honest post... sorry if I'm such a downer.