My cat is nuts!!!

Frank has taken to running out the front door when I get home so I've started taking him out to get some fresh air. The thing is he insists on standing on my shoulders/back and sitting on my backpack!

Here is a picture.. it's just too cute for words! (Sorry the picture is grainy it's a still from a Flip video).



I'm gathering my thoughts for my next post/rant about TTC...!! The appointment went REALLY well but I'm wound up about the old clinic AGAIN. Sigh.

Here I am...or at least a version of me!

I can't believe I haven't posted since February 7th! My brain is turning into goo and I blame Metformin! Thankfully the bad side effects have gone away and I no longer feel like I'm walking sideways but I have found that I have very little desire to do anything recreational that requires thought. This includes blogging and reading!

So much has happened in the last couple of weeks. My stepmother was let go from her job (of 26 years) as part of a mass layoff that happened this morning. The recession has finally hit close to home! I honestly don't know what my parents are going to do since my father has been a SAHD for the past 10 years. The only good news is that she did get a really good package. There is time for her to look for a new job however I am doubtful she will be able to find one as lucrative as the one she has lost. This sucks. I'm not at all in the mood to celebrate my own career move at all (tomorrow is my last day in my old position).

In happier news my brother turned 10 last weekend! I spent the weekend celebrating with my family and had a really great time. He's a wee bit spoiled and had 3 birthday parties. The first party was Friday night at the pub where my brother performs. D and I made it in for the last half of the band's set and in time for the cake and some dinner. We were out of there by 8:30 and heading to our next destination. This time it was to an Irish jam session where we hung out for a couple of hours before heading home. It's sad to say but my 10 year old brother is able to stay up later than I am! I was exhausted and still had to drive home!

The second birthday party was at laser quest with 12 of my brother's little friends. The kids had a blast but in my opinion the place was a dump. One of the kids got my brother the game "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" and my brother turned to him and said "Noooooo, I'm only in the 4th grade!!!". He's a smart ass but that WAS pretty funny!
The third and final birthday part was at the house for family and adult friends. My dad arrange an impromptu jam session for my brother so we had great entertainment! 3 birthday parties and 3 birthday cakes! Here are some pictures:

Party #1:

Party #2:

Party #3

I have my follow-up appointment at the new clinic tomorrow. I'll find out my results of my recent testing however I suspect it will be pretty predictable. There has been nothing wrong in the past and I'm pretty sure they would have called me if they'd actually found something.

I'm really hoping that we come out of tomorrows meeting with a good plan. I hope the doctor will be able to give us some direction because I haven't been able to make a decision regarding Letrozole vs. Clomid. I feel like I want to try Letrozole because Clomid has not worked the 4x I've used it and it's something new to try. However Metformin is also something new. Letrozole does not produce multiple follicles. It works to create one high quality egg. It's good for people who have had side effects from Clomid like thinning of the lining however I haven't. I haven't had any Clomid side effects. We'll see what she says...!
I've also just had my annual physical. I need to go back to my doctor for a biopsy on a mole that is looking a bit funny. D swears this mole has never changed and the doctor didn't seem overly concerned - just cautious. That's a bit of stress I don't really need so I've booked the appointment for early next week.

Fate

I know that a lot of people TTC have the opinion that there is no such thing as fate when it comes to making babies and that "everything happens for a reason" is a load of crap.
I've felt that way too but the events over the last month and a half have really changed my attitude. Maybe things do happen for a reason?
The end of this story is how I start my new job on February 20th...
The beginning of this story is how I gave up a job in June 2008 because of TTC.
I have had some regret over saying no to that job because it was a way into the IT department of my company. It was a QA Analyst role with some BSA work on the side. Loads of overtime was guaranteed however what it lacked was the flexibility and freedom I was used to. Ultimately I didn't like the idea of having a set schedule (or shift) and OT was not going to be an option. I didn't think this would work well with TTC and I also didn't think it would be fair to get pregnant and leave 9 months later.
Fast forward.... 7 months... still not pregnant and the beginning of a new year... having just come off of my 7th try after a 4 month break I decided to stop living life thinking I was going to be pregnant anytime soon. This is when the posting for a position goes up that is a perfect fit for me. I'd be still doing the same job - just being paid more! I wasn't entirely thrilled by the idea of giving up my projects but we (D and I) decided that giving up another job opportunity would be stupid.
Coincidentally the position I applied for was under the same director as the QA position I declined. When he found out I was "available" he told the manager that had offered me the position in June. Instead of another QA position he offered me (pretty much on the spot, no interview required) a role as a Business Systems Analyst/Project Manager for IT. Score!!!!! That's exactly what I wanted!
Now, back to fate... I'm glad I turned down the QA position back in June because there is no guarantee this new and better role would still have been offered. In fact, the "BSA work on the side" probably would have meant I'd be doing BSA work indefinitely without the title.
Further... had I become pregnant within the last 7 months I would have left on maternity leave from my current role and would have never had this opportunity.
It absolutely SUCKS to say that I'm not pregnant after all of this time but I am very happy that I've landed a great position. It really did fall into place because of TTC and not getting pregnant when I wanted to!!! After all, mat leave is only 1 year and I do want to go back to a job I love. Not to mention getting paid more will help with upcoming daycare costs, etc.

That all said... I'm going to get pregnant on my next cycle. I just know it! Maybe the time is finally right....

I love my new clinic...

Since the move from 1000 mg to 1500 mg I have been feeling pretty yucky. Mostly it has been fatigue, a feeling of motion sickness and my eyes have been bothering me (feeling extremely tired and hard to focus). The last 3 or 4 days have been much worse and yesterday was unbearable. By mid afternoon I felt very lightheaded, dizzy and I was extremely confused. I felt like I was intoxicated.
D and I figured it was time to let my doctor know (I was a bit afraid she’d say to stop when I do want to continue). Anyway, I e-mailed the nurse and 8 minutes later I received a phone call saying that she had spoken with the Dr. and I was fine to continue with the full 1500 mg dose. She suggested that it was just taking longer for my system to process the higher dose. She also said that I could drop back down to 1000 mg if that made me more comfortable.
I’m going to try to drink more water because I’ve been drinking a lot less over the last bit and I’m also going to try to spread the pills out a bit further apart.
I have my follow-up appointment on the 20th so I want to stay on the full dose until at least then. I also have my annual physical with my GP next week and I can mention it to her.
Speaking of my physical… it was supposed to be tomorrow but I have my job interview for the new position. I had to cancel it. When I called in the receptionist said she didn’t think I could get an appointment until March!!! My appointment is now scheduled for next week because I was “lucky” and a student doctor would be in and they wanted patients for pap smears and physicals so she could practice. I have no shame left in me and I don't really care who pokes around me anymore. So yes, I am having my physical done in a teaching environment with my GP supervising a student!

Help!

I'm soooo freakin' bored!
Ugh. I just don't know what to do with myself lately. I don't even have anything to blog about because I'm so boring!! Seriously!!
I think it's the cold weather and I'm sure it's getting to a few of us (who are not lucky enough to live somewhere sunny) but UGHHHH!!!! Get me outta here!
D and I have put a moratorium on vacationing in 2009 because we want all of our resources to be focused on TTC. Last year we did a lot of running around... Florida, New York City and shows in Detroit, Montreal and Buffalo. We felt that we were not being focused.
That brings us to January and barely a month into the vacation moratorium and I think I'm ready to hang myself with a winter scarf.
We've already been tempted. Our friends are doing a group trip to Las Vegas in February and they've asked if we'd join them. This one was pretty easy to pass up because we don't drink, party or gamble and I have a fear of flying. Although I want to go to Las Vegas one day it certainly isn't a priority for 2009!
We've also been tempted (or rather I have) by the Disney World offer of "buy 4 days, get 3 free and a $200 disney credit". That's a good deal!!! I'm trying really hard not to cave in to the pressure of that one!
Anyhoo... just throwing it out there that I have cabin fever.... and I'm quite possibly going insane.

ETA: I just bought tickets to 3 Spring Awakening shows (which is coming to Toronto in the spring)...... I'm sooooo EXCITED! I've seen the show 3 times in NYC already but I really love it! I'll be sitting on stage mixed in with the actors! I even talked D into seeing a show on stage with me (she's never done it). The stage seats are only $25 which is a good deal!
I guess this helps a bit with the boredom! I just have to wait until March/April to see the show!

Day 1, #2 of January!

AF arrived this morning which means a 27 day cycle - and my second AF in January. This feels weird. I thought I had a grasp on what my "normal" was and I thought that was about 30 days. I just looked back to December and realize I didn't have AF at all that month. My cycle started in November and ended in January!!! Looks like Metformin may have done something after all because this cycle is a day short of a perfect 28 day cycle.
I'll have to call the clinic to make arrangements for my next appointment. I was supposed to go in on February 26th but by the looks of it I'll have AF again before then. I'll need to make sure my protocol is good to go.
As previously mentioned, I'm thinking about trying Letrozole (Femara) instead of clomid this time. My new doctor said I respond well to clomid however Letrozole was another option we could try. I can't wait to hear her opinion now that she has had the chance to review my complete chart!

Random stuff

In the past year I have become completely addicted to blogging. There was once a time when I would visit BBC 15 times a day and now I go there once a week - if at all.
The only thing is that I need to figure out a way to be more organized about the blogs I read. Right now I link through my comments or other users blogroll/comments to get around. Some are saved on my bookmarks but not all of them. Its not very organized and I feel bad about that.

Here are some updates on my various entries over the past year:

1) My mother buying a car: I was really pissed off when my mother told me she bought a Yaris. Well it's now winter and so far she has not landed in a ditch... HOWEVER... a couple of weeks ago she told me that when she was driving down the trans Canada highway (doing 100 km/hour) she almost hit a deer. Wait, not just a deer - but an entire family of deer (4). Thankfully there was no one behind her and THANKFULLY no one driving the opposite direction. ARGH!!! See why I want my mother in a tank, not a golf cart?

2) My mother and the TV: We've repaid our "debt" to my mother. The full $900 in December in the form of a personal cheque which she left at the post office until mid-January because she "doesn't pick up her mail that often". My mother would not talk to me until I paid her and since she's cashed the cheque she has been in a pretty good mood. That was up until this week when she asked if she and her friend could stay at my place so they could go shopping for Korean food. My mother has not spent more than a handful of nights with us in YEARS yet she's asking to come with a friend so they can go shopping in Toronto? Sorry, call me a bitch but I told her that my condo is not a hotel and that if SHE (ALONE) wanted to visit she was welcome at any time. The last thing I want is to be stuck with a load of Korean food for a year. She would likely be driving the above mentioned golf cart (not flying) but she'd probably still buy more than will fit in it (not hard at all) and I'd get stuck with instructions to ship it back to her. No... not going to do it..... not this time.

3) Trouble with BIL and his kids: February 1st is the 5 month mark since we've seen the children. D's brother and cousin have posted pictures of the children on Facebook which are bittersweet reminders of what we're missing. We sent our Christmas presents to them and received feedback that the kids really liked them. Apparently the hoodie we bought my nephew is his new favourite shirt and he wont take it off.
Of course my MIL is still trying to stay neutral and is being no help at all. After all, before we became the family monsters my SIL hated her. This has somehow united them and she has more contact with the kids than ever.
D was really upset at Christmas because her mother spent it with her brother and the kids. What annoys me are the comments people have made about this. Saying that her mother should be with the grand kids at Christmas. That really stings considering we're trying to give her grand kids so not only are we sad that we do not have kids but apparently D doesn't have the right to spend Christmas with her own mother because of it???? The whole situation sucks.

4) The new Job: I'm still keeping quiet about this. I'm patiently waiting for the job posting which should go up next week. People know I'm leaving and I know I'm getting the new position but there are steps that need to be taken to ensure that happens. The job posting will say there is a preferred candidate - although it is possible that someone else could come in and get the job - it is pretty unlikely.

That's all!!