I called in for my results this morning.
Less than 5.
Negative.... tears... and I'm at work.
I guess I thought that because AF hadn't arrived I still had a chance. Normally AF confirms the truth and pretty much on schedule. One other time I was late too.
I feel awful. I'm so disapointed this try didn't work. I had 2 perfect follicles that both released. What is wrong with me?
I e-mailed to find out my donor's availability but I haven't heard back yet. I can't even imagine being on donor #5. I hope I can still buy more.
JDZ: Two Moms, One Toddler
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Insurance
D contacted her insurance company today. Her renewal is at the end of February for April 1st. We originally thought we’d have $4000 but our coverage is only $3000. The $3000 is per lifetime for fertility medication (which means 1 try) and there is no other coverage for the IVF procedure. I’m completely annoyed that D’s coverage includes $500 per-year-for life for Erectile dysfunction but only $3000 total for infertility. I’m glad to know the men at her work will have a lifetime supply of Viagra!!!!!! It’s clear who prioritized THIS policy.
BTW, Still no AF. What a bugger being late this month (although not a first). I went in for my bloodwork today. This is my first time ever going for the BETA. Do I still feel a glimmer of hope? Yes. Am I in denial? Yes.
BTW, Still no AF. What a bugger being late this month (although not a first). I went in for my bloodwork today. This is my first time ever going for the BETA. Do I still feel a glimmer of hope? Yes. Am I in denial? Yes.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
IVF etc
D will be contacting her insurance provider tomorrow to find out if they cover IVF meds and to confirm her company is still on an annual renewal. I'm not sure how much information we'll be able to get from them since we do not know what meds I'll take but we're just investigating at this point. I'm going to have to move over to her insurance regardless because her insurance covers $4000 for infertility treatments (over a lifetime). My insurance is awful and doesn't even cover Clomid so $4000 sounds amazing. The only good thing about my insurance is the $700/year health spending account. Thankfully I'll retain that when moving over. I was certain D's company was on a 2 year renewal plan but D thinks it is a 1 year renewal that is up in March. That would work out well for us to try an IVF cycle in April or May. In the meantime I plan to stick with IUI otherwise I have no chance for a baby in 2009.
I really want to yell at my KD right about now. We had intended on trying again in October before he screwed us over by deciding he wanted nothing to do with a resulting pregnancy. I really wanted to try with a KD. I didn't want to be forced back into the clinic using a sperm bank only to find out our donor was sold out (even though I'm happy with our new donor). God, I hope something GOOD happens soon because I'm really fed up.
I spent a good 45 minutes on the phone this afternoon recording my results from my previous 3 cycles. I hope that will help move things along and I will not have to monitor at the new clinic. An interesting note was that my LH surge was 18 on cycle #6. Normally it is much higher (in the 40-50 range). I wonder if this somehow impacted the timing and made the difference? I've always ovulated between 7:00 am the day of my first IUI and 7:00 am the day of my second IUI so I'm not sure what this could mean but something did work that time.
I'm going in for my Beta tomorrow because I want to stop taking my progesterone. So far no AF but many BFN.
I really want to yell at my KD right about now. We had intended on trying again in October before he screwed us over by deciding he wanted nothing to do with a resulting pregnancy. I really wanted to try with a KD. I didn't want to be forced back into the clinic using a sperm bank only to find out our donor was sold out (even though I'm happy with our new donor). God, I hope something GOOD happens soon because I'm really fed up.
I spent a good 45 minutes on the phone this afternoon recording my results from my previous 3 cycles. I hope that will help move things along and I will not have to monitor at the new clinic. An interesting note was that my LH surge was 18 on cycle #6. Normally it is much higher (in the 40-50 range). I wonder if this somehow impacted the timing and made the difference? I've always ovulated between 7:00 am the day of my first IUI and 7:00 am the day of my second IUI so I'm not sure what this could mean but something did work that time.
I'm going in for my Beta tomorrow because I want to stop taking my progesterone. So far no AF but many BFN.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Christmas
I was determined to not let a BFN ruin Christmas and it hasn't. I thought I'd be more upset but I think I'm just completely worn out by this process and no longer have the strength to be upset by it.
Christmas Eve
We both had to work Christmas Eve but we were out of work by noon. I hope the same will hold true for New Years eve! We had the entire afternoon to prepare for a trip into Hamilton and Burlington to visit our family. First up was seeing D's mom. Due to the family drama we had to see her Christmas Eve instead of Christmas day. She was going to be at D's brother's house for Christmas and we're not allowed there! She got us a new Dishwasher!!
Afterwards we went to my father's house. He has an open house on Christmas Eve which is a lot of fun. My Aunt was there (mom's sister) and I can't even believe the present she gave me! About 13 years ago my Nana had given me a heart shaped locket. It was a present from her brother to her on on her 18th birthday. My mom was so upset and she refused to let me keep it. She said my Nana had said she could have it. Well my Nana passed away in March 2005 followed by my Papa in September 2007. My mother and her sisters sorted out the estate and in the end I was left with nothing. I asked my mother about the locket many times and she kept saying she didn't know where it was. I had actually given up on it. Imagine my surprise when my Aunt gave me the small box. I wasn't sure if it was going to be the locket but it was! She said that I was meant to have it. I asked if my mother would be upset and she told me "never mind, this was meant to be yours". Could anyone ask for a better present? I love it so much!
D and I then spent the night at my dad's so that I could be with my brother when he opened his presents.
Christmas Day
My brother slept in until 7:45 am. What a relief! We thought for sure he'd be up at 5:00 am. The morning was very hectic. My brother loved the Guitar Hero for DS I bought him. He loved it so much I think it may have been his favourite present (much to the dismay of my parents). D and I were spoiled as usual. We got a Wii Fit (I've known about that for months), a new blender, a Fire Box and a bunch of other cool stuff. We stayed for Christmas Dinner before heading home. Since we normally go to my dad's for Christmas we open presents Christmas night. We were supposed to only have bought stocking stuffers this year because of New York City but we didn't follow that rule. The good news is that I think we maintained a reasonable budget and didn't got crazy. D got me an American Girl Doll. Yes, it's silly but I've always wanted one. Anyway, she got me Kit because I look most like her.
D got me the movie Kit Kittridge as well. Sort of as a joke because of the doll but it is a cute movie. I also got Mamma Mia on Blu-ray and was pleased to see it came with a digital copy for my iPod Touch. I got D American Idol for PS3, Guitar Hero World Tour, Sleeping Beauty and the first Season of Chuck on Blu-Ray.
Boxing Day
Christmas is exhausting. I slept most of the day on Boxing day but we had to return our rental car (bummer). Since we returned it at Union Station we walked through the mall (Eaton Centre) on our way home. It was sooooo busy! I had bought D a $30 gift Card to Future Shop so she could buy a new Sims game but it was just too busy to even think about shopping. We went home instead and started watching our new movies and played American Idol.
It's back to work on Monday. Oh well. I'm looking forward to New Years Eve because we have tickets to see the Raptors. Only a few more days!
Christmas Eve
We both had to work Christmas Eve but we were out of work by noon. I hope the same will hold true for New Years eve! We had the entire afternoon to prepare for a trip into Hamilton and Burlington to visit our family. First up was seeing D's mom. Due to the family drama we had to see her Christmas Eve instead of Christmas day. She was going to be at D's brother's house for Christmas and we're not allowed there! She got us a new Dishwasher!!
Afterwards we went to my father's house. He has an open house on Christmas Eve which is a lot of fun. My Aunt was there (mom's sister) and I can't even believe the present she gave me! About 13 years ago my Nana had given me a heart shaped locket. It was a present from her brother to her on on her 18th birthday. My mom was so upset and she refused to let me keep it. She said my Nana had said she could have it. Well my Nana passed away in March 2005 followed by my Papa in September 2007. My mother and her sisters sorted out the estate and in the end I was left with nothing. I asked my mother about the locket many times and she kept saying she didn't know where it was. I had actually given up on it. Imagine my surprise when my Aunt gave me the small box. I wasn't sure if it was going to be the locket but it was! She said that I was meant to have it. I asked if my mother would be upset and she told me "never mind, this was meant to be yours". Could anyone ask for a better present? I love it so much!
D and I then spent the night at my dad's so that I could be with my brother when he opened his presents.
Christmas Day
My brother slept in until 7:45 am. What a relief! We thought for sure he'd be up at 5:00 am. The morning was very hectic. My brother loved the Guitar Hero for DS I bought him. He loved it so much I think it may have been his favourite present (much to the dismay of my parents). D and I were spoiled as usual. We got a Wii Fit (I've known about that for months), a new blender, a Fire Box and a bunch of other cool stuff. We stayed for Christmas Dinner before heading home. Since we normally go to my dad's for Christmas we open presents Christmas night. We were supposed to only have bought stocking stuffers this year because of New York City but we didn't follow that rule. The good news is that I think we maintained a reasonable budget and didn't got crazy. D got me an American Girl Doll. Yes, it's silly but I've always wanted one. Anyway, she got me Kit because I look most like her.
D got me the movie Kit Kittridge as well. Sort of as a joke because of the doll but it is a cute movie. I also got Mamma Mia on Blu-ray and was pleased to see it came with a digital copy for my iPod Touch. I got D American Idol for PS3, Guitar Hero World Tour, Sleeping Beauty and the first Season of Chuck on Blu-Ray.
Boxing Day
Christmas is exhausting. I slept most of the day on Boxing day but we had to return our rental car (bummer). Since we returned it at Union Station we walked through the mall (Eaton Centre) on our way home. It was sooooo busy! I had bought D a $30 gift Card to Future Shop so she could buy a new Sims game but it was just too busy to even think about shopping. We went home instead and started watching our new movies and played American Idol.
It's back to work on Monday. Oh well. I'm looking forward to New Years Eve because we have tickets to see the Raptors. Only a few more days!
Friday, December 26, 2008
13 DPI
Still BFN...
Excuses are coming in my mind. Like I remember my Christmas Ticker saying 11 days until Christmas when I went in for my first IUI so I feel like today is not actually 13 DPI but I count on my calendar and it tells me I'm 13 DPI. I also hold out a bit of hope since my Ovidrel BFP which was less than 48 hours after the trigger was a super faint line when I've read others testing 6 to 7 days later to "get rid of the HCG". I wonder if I'm one of those people who will get a late BFP on a HPT (or none at all). Ultimately I know these are just excuses for a BFN. My blood test is scheduled for Monday.
Through all of this D has completely lost faith in my ability to get pregnant. It makes me so sad. She thinks we need to move on to IVF. She says this like IVF will be a walk in the park for me. I don't think she gets how much my body has already been through for this process. I need to call my insurance provider (Sunlife) to see if they'll cover injectibles. So far they have not covered Clomid or Progesterone so I doubt it. I wish D was in a position to carry because I'm sick of being the one responsible for ruining our dreams of having children. I'm also sick of constantly feeling like I've done something wrong during the 2WW to make the pregnancy not stick.
I have an appointment with the new clinic on January 13th so we'll be sitting out January. Our only option otherwise was to do an unmedicated cycle since our current clinic will be closed on my Day 3. I feel like a lost cause so there is no point for an unmedicated cycle. If I can't get pregnant with 2 great follicles then letting me go natural seems like a waste of sperm.
This SUCKS.
Fuck You 2008. What a year of disappointment.
Excuses are coming in my mind. Like I remember my Christmas Ticker saying 11 days until Christmas when I went in for my first IUI so I feel like today is not actually 13 DPI but I count on my calendar and it tells me I'm 13 DPI. I also hold out a bit of hope since my Ovidrel BFP which was less than 48 hours after the trigger was a super faint line when I've read others testing 6 to 7 days later to "get rid of the HCG". I wonder if I'm one of those people who will get a late BFP on a HPT (or none at all). Ultimately I know these are just excuses for a BFN. My blood test is scheduled for Monday.
Through all of this D has completely lost faith in my ability to get pregnant. It makes me so sad. She thinks we need to move on to IVF. She says this like IVF will be a walk in the park for me. I don't think she gets how much my body has already been through for this process. I need to call my insurance provider (Sunlife) to see if they'll cover injectibles. So far they have not covered Clomid or Progesterone so I doubt it. I wish D was in a position to carry because I'm sick of being the one responsible for ruining our dreams of having children. I'm also sick of constantly feeling like I've done something wrong during the 2WW to make the pregnancy not stick.
I have an appointment with the new clinic on January 13th so we'll be sitting out January. Our only option otherwise was to do an unmedicated cycle since our current clinic will be closed on my Day 3. I feel like a lost cause so there is no point for an unmedicated cycle. If I can't get pregnant with 2 great follicles then letting me go natural seems like a waste of sperm.
This SUCKS.
Fuck You 2008. What a year of disappointment.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
10 DPI
I haven’t been online because D and I were in NYC. We had fun although it was very, very cold. I’ll do a write-up of the trip (with pictures) later.
I just realized that I’m in the home stretch of the 2WW. For some reason I thought I was at 8 or 9 DPI but today is actually 10 DPI. I’ve tested twice but not for obsessive reasons. The first was less than 48 hours after I took the Ovidrel shot. I wanted to see what a BFP looked like. The line was there but I expected it to be darker. It looked exactly like my BFP in July. The second try was on Monday morning. I wanted to make sure all of the HCG was gone and it was.
Now that I know its 10 DPI I’m itching to test for real and may pick up some P-sticks tonight. When I got the BFP in July I was having symptoms and right now I feel pretty normal. I am hoping and praying that this is the try that works. We haven’t really discussed what to do next if it is a BFN. I don’t even want to think about that.
I just realized that I’m in the home stretch of the 2WW. For some reason I thought I was at 8 or 9 DPI but today is actually 10 DPI. I’ve tested twice but not for obsessive reasons. The first was less than 48 hours after I took the Ovidrel shot. I wanted to see what a BFP looked like. The line was there but I expected it to be darker. It looked exactly like my BFP in July. The second try was on Monday morning. I wanted to make sure all of the HCG was gone and it was.
Now that I know its 10 DPI I’m itching to test for real and may pick up some P-sticks tonight. When I got the BFP in July I was having symptoms and right now I feel pretty normal. I am hoping and praying that this is the try that works. We haven’t really discussed what to do next if it is a BFN. I don’t even want to think about that.
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