I'm now 18 days post Effexor and I'm feeling great!

This is the first time I've felt like blogging since the whole ordeal so I haven't said much about our experience at the Fertility Clinic. It went well. I liked the Doctor and felt comfortable at the clinic. When we first walked in we were shocked to see how many people were there (20+ women) and later learned that we were there during the cycle monitoring time and that was why. We were the only patients waiting for our Doctor.

We had blood taken (15 vials each) and discussed our options. The doctor told me I should try to lose weight and that my weight could affect my fertility. I'm overweight and I know that but I blame my medication for making me gain 50 lbs in the last 4 years. While going off I've been eating and eating since food is about the only thing I've found comforting through this ordeal - not to mention having a huge craving for cheese. That's going to help me lose weight! lol

I'm now waiting on AF so I can go in for my next round of tests. I'm expecting that will be this week or next. I believe the 21st or so? I just realized that "day 3" means I'll have my period during the next round of tests (FHS) and I'm certain the Doctor said I'd also have the HSG at this time. That's a bit gross - I need to confirm that one.

We also have our counseling appointment coming up soon and a session to understand cycle monitoring. It looks like I'll be ready to cycle monitor next month (late April) and would be able to try our first insemination in late May - however - we are sticking to our original plan of the earliest start date being July. If my project date changes this may change as well. We're just not sure yet. Who knows???

I swear I'm so delusional and I keep thinking I'll get pregnant on the first try which has caused the following dilemma/fantasy: 1) Getting Pregnant before the wedding (try in May) and being able to announce that we're expecting at the Wedding, 2) Getting Pregnant before the wedding and needing to deal with that on vacation. I'm actually worried about being pregnant and needing to eat out. I'll be a basket case. I'll not want to eat anything for fear of listeria!

Anyway, I've made a promise to D that I will not go on the computer until next Saturday since I spent too much time on it today... so my next update will be then.

I started tapering off Effexor at the beginning of February and I officially took my last dose on Wednesday February 28th. It's been pure horrifying hell. I'm finally feeling better tonight after 4 days of brain zaps, vomiting and skin ulcers.
How could I have possibly stayed on this drug while pregnant? I would have given birth to a child addicted to crack. I would like to a say a bit f*ck you to any doctor who has suggested it..

Anyway...
February 28th was my first fertility clinic appointment. I liked the Doctor so I've canceled the appointment I'd made with a second clinic. The 15 vials of blood taken were also and indication that once was a enough. Shopping around for Doctors is one thing, going through blood tests and physical exams multiple times is another...

Will post more later. Feeling a bit ick and can't continue.

We bought new furniture from EQ3 and it arrived today.
It's really nice but I'm going to mis my old Chair (which I have to take down to the curb). )=
We did have some problems - the Ottoman tray didn't fit and 1 of the dining room chairs was damaged. We got a Zip Car (an Element) and took 2 of the chairs back (there was a small problem with the other, I wouldn't have returned it if we weren't already going) and the tray. Afterwards we drove to High Park. We were thinking about having a wedding reception/picnic there after the wedding. It's so hard to say (because it's winter) but we didn't like what we saw. Now we have so many things to research and decide. We bought a book called the anti-bride - which is perfect for me. Now we can really use it to plan since we have no idea what we're going to do!

So I had to fill out the paperwork for our appointment next week.
There was a blue form and a Pink form.

I felt like writing across - NO FERTILITY PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but that would be bad luck. There is no reason to assume I have a fertility problem other than the fact that my partner doesn't have a penis. So I don't want to go through medical assessment that makes it sound like I do have a problem.

I've also realized that I have no idea if my period is regular. I had to write "unsure". I honestly do not know. I did some tracking last summer and my period was a bit funky but for the past 16 years of menstruation I haven't given a second thought about when or when I have not had my period. I didn't think this was odd but on my subway ride home I was reading "Forever in Blue" (sisterhood of the traveling pants) and Tibby has a pregnancy scare where she exclaims she had been a virgin and therefore never cared about her period but now that she's had sex she needs to keep track. hmmm.. I suddenly got it. Birth control has never been an issue and getting pregnant has never been a concern. Hence the reason I have such a casual attitude towards my period. I guess it a lesbian perk?

So, we've booked a wedding date.
It's totally going to look like a shotgun wedding! Well, except that our pregnancy will not be an accident!

I don't really know what to say about it all. I'm warming up to the idea - I don't think it's necessary but D feels it's important. We've booked the date, we're doing a city hall wedding and having a picnic reception because I'm cheap.

We've also booked our "honeymoon" and the most logical place to go would be New York. We booked a hotel for an amazing deal - a really amazing deal. $130 CAD/night, regular price $370 and it actually has a bathroom that isn't shared! We're going to spend 4 days/4 nights in NYC and then travel slowly home stopping in the Hamptons and may go through Boston.

Of course, I may be pregnant or we may not even be at our first try. It's all questions in the air right now. We have our first appointment next week and will discuss our time line. I feel a bit like I'm at the mercy of my job right now. I don't want to TTC knowing I'm going into a monster of a month for June but at the same time I'm getting strong signals that my project is going to be delayed again. We're going to aim for May as our first try. If for some reason I find out my project is not delayed, we'll push out our date to July. If I find my project is delayed, we'll keep the May start date.

O. M. G.
My mother is impossible.
I'm not actually out to her but I'm also completely honest about everything in my life. She's just so slow to catch on.

She knows:

• D and I have lived together for almost 8 years
• We've purchased a home together
• We spend 99.9% of our time together, including all vacations
• We're having a baby via a sperm bank
• I refer to all future activities (including buying a house) as "we"
  

BUT...
Somehow...
I'm going to be able to submit my taxes as a single parent...
I need to get a new single mattress for my bed...

We went out with friends tonight and now I feel pretty crappy about money. They are so focused on paying their mortgage and contributing to their RRSP. We still cash out our bonus to pay for debt (school loans - now paid thankfully) and we are unable to put down $25,000 extra on our mortgage through double payments, etc. With paying for spermies, mat leave and day care on the way we just will not have money to be paying everything off. We're not freaking out about our mortgage payments and although we could be contributing more to our RRSP we just are not prepared to do without that money (from our bonuses).

We go on vacations every year and usually on more than one per year. I don't think it's reckless. I don't want to be the type that sits at home worrying about money all the time. We're living such a different life than that of our friends. I always feel a bit jealous after seeing what they are accomplishing (financially) but then I have to go back and think that I get to go places and experience things they can't - we simply do not put that much focus on money. They on the other hand do not go on vacations and talk endlessly about how they're paying every penny they can towards their mortgage while complaining they have "no money". Well, duh.. you have no money because you are paying double mortgage payments!