We bought new furniture from EQ3 and it arrived today.
It's really nice but I'm going to mis my old Chair (which I have to take down to the curb). )=
We did have some problems - the Ottoman tray didn't fit and 1 of the dining room chairs was damaged. We got a Zip Car (an Element) and took 2 of the chairs back (there was a small problem with the other, I wouldn't have returned it if we weren't already going) and the tray. Afterwards we drove to High Park. We were thinking about having a wedding reception/picnic there after the wedding. It's so hard to say (because it's winter) but we didn't like what we saw. Now we have so many things to research and decide. We bought a book called the anti-bride - which is perfect for me. Now we can really use it to plan since we have no idea what we're going to do!

So I had to fill out the paperwork for our appointment next week.
There was a blue form and a Pink form.

I felt like writing across - NO FERTILITY PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but that would be bad luck. There is no reason to assume I have a fertility problem other than the fact that my partner doesn't have a penis. So I don't want to go through medical assessment that makes it sound like I do have a problem.

I've also realized that I have no idea if my period is regular. I had to write "unsure". I honestly do not know. I did some tracking last summer and my period was a bit funky but for the past 16 years of menstruation I haven't given a second thought about when or when I have not had my period. I didn't think this was odd but on my subway ride home I was reading "Forever in Blue" (sisterhood of the traveling pants) and Tibby has a pregnancy scare where she exclaims she had been a virgin and therefore never cared about her period but now that she's had sex she needs to keep track. hmmm.. I suddenly got it. Birth control has never been an issue and getting pregnant has never been a concern. Hence the reason I have such a casual attitude towards my period. I guess it a lesbian perk?

So, we've booked a wedding date.
It's totally going to look like a shotgun wedding! Well, except that our pregnancy will not be an accident!

I don't really know what to say about it all. I'm warming up to the idea - I don't think it's necessary but D feels it's important. We've booked the date, we're doing a city hall wedding and having a picnic reception because I'm cheap.

We've also booked our "honeymoon" and the most logical place to go would be New York. We booked a hotel for an amazing deal - a really amazing deal. $130 CAD/night, regular price $370 and it actually has a bathroom that isn't shared! We're going to spend 4 days/4 nights in NYC and then travel slowly home stopping in the Hamptons and may go through Boston.

Of course, I may be pregnant or we may not even be at our first try. It's all questions in the air right now. We have our first appointment next week and will discuss our time line. I feel a bit like I'm at the mercy of my job right now. I don't want to TTC knowing I'm going into a monster of a month for June but at the same time I'm getting strong signals that my project is going to be delayed again. We're going to aim for May as our first try. If for some reason I find out my project is not delayed, we'll push out our date to July. If I find my project is delayed, we'll keep the May start date.

O. M. G.
My mother is impossible.
I'm not actually out to her but I'm also completely honest about everything in my life. She's just so slow to catch on.

She knows:

• D and I have lived together for almost 8 years
• We've purchased a home together
• We spend 99.9% of our time together, including all vacations
• We're having a baby via a sperm bank
• I refer to all future activities (including buying a house) as "we"
  

BUT...
Somehow...
I'm going to be able to submit my taxes as a single parent...
I need to get a new single mattress for my bed...

We went out with friends tonight and now I feel pretty crappy about money. They are so focused on paying their mortgage and contributing to their RRSP. We still cash out our bonus to pay for debt (school loans - now paid thankfully) and we are unable to put down $25,000 extra on our mortgage through double payments, etc. With paying for spermies, mat leave and day care on the way we just will not have money to be paying everything off. We're not freaking out about our mortgage payments and although we could be contributing more to our RRSP we just are not prepared to do without that money (from our bonuses).

We go on vacations every year and usually on more than one per year. I don't think it's reckless. I don't want to be the type that sits at home worrying about money all the time. We're living such a different life than that of our friends. I always feel a bit jealous after seeing what they are accomplishing (financially) but then I have to go back and think that I get to go places and experience things they can't - we simply do not put that much focus on money. They on the other hand do not go on vacations and talk endlessly about how they're paying every penny they can towards their mortgage while complaining they have "no money". Well, duh.. you have no money because you are paying double mortgage payments!

We had a good laugh yesterday over how I was going to get home from the hospital after giving birth. I'm the driver of the family and it seems obvious that I will not drive myself to the hospital... so unless my mom comes into the city, we'll be taking public transit or walking (we are close to a few hospitals). The thing is that my mom is so afraid of driving in Toronto. I usually pick her up at Yorkdale mall and drive her to my place. She just can't handle it.

Speaking of her.. she is against me having a baby. I mention it and she always says "Don't! It will ruin your life". There is sad irony in this statement - I'm an only child! So she didn't enjoy being a parent, that's fine. It doesn't mean I will have the same experience. In all honesty I cannot blame my mother. She was very idealistic. She had "white picket fence" dreams and what she got was my father leaving her and a toddler that grew up into a handful of a child. All of that said, we've been discussing when to tell her. We think we'll wait until I'm later in the pregnancy so she does not upset me early on. She lives far enough away that not knowing for the first 6 months will not be a problem. This will be interesting.

Clinic #2 called on Monday but I was so busy and stressed out that D forgot to tell me.
I called today (late in the afternoon) and was able to schedule an appointment in 2 weeks. Originally they could have booked me for Wednesday next week but I'm booked up with meetings.

I'm glad I'm going to Clinic #2 before Clinic #1. I have an uneasy feeling about Clinic #1 so I'll feel a lot better knowing the scoop on #2 before going there. Who knows, I may like Clinic #1 but everything in my gut is telling me I wont.

Clinic #4, the one my Dr. recommended hasn't called. I didn't want to go to that one either... but who knows what's going to happen.

#1 booked 2 months out.
#2 had an appointment almost immediately.

I'm not ready to try until July or August but getting in now, so fast, will make me want to try sooner. I have to be prepared to wait. June is going to be so stressful, I can't be carrying under that stress so I'm not going to try.

July will be here soon.