Toothies

We now have 6!
The last few nights have been soooo much fun. The 4 top have cut through so I'm sure things are going to get better, not worse. Poor boo!


She thought this was very funny -- this photo looks like torture but it wasn't!
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Paranoid?

So, we're currently without wireless Internet but we're adding it again. There was just a story on the news about how it could make kids sick. I was already leaning on the I-don't-really-want-it side before I saw this.
How many out there have home WiFi? Anyone have concerns?
When we lived in the condo we had several WiFi signals coming into our unit. In the house there is only one that gets picked up occasionally. Therefore, it seems that we've already drastically decreased Sadie's exposure. But what can you really do? WiFi is everywhere. Even our home alarm uses wireless technology.
BTW, this is just a glimpse into my constant worryfest!!


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Island Vacation Part 2

Excellent thoughts about #2 from my previous entry. I'm so confused about it all. I would LOVE to have our kids 2 years apart but being pregnant again so soon seems too soon!! If D would do it than I'd jump at it! No fuss! But seriously, I can still remember the heartburn and the fatigue! I miss my fat belly being fat with a purpose but that's about it at this point! Why does life go so fast? I really wish things would stop feeling like a race to the finish line (and then repeat). Ugh. There is also the fact that I have been an anxious mess with Sadie and the sadness. I'm looking past that because it isn't logical. I'm being set up with a PPD clinic for when I get back in town. Hopefully I'll figure out what's going on with me because until then I can only guess at what's going on. Hopefully this doesn't happen for #2 but it's not going to stop me regardless - at least I'll be prepared.
As for our vacation (since I derailed the previous entry);
A real treat being at Granny's has been meeting and playing with her Dog (Bear) and her cat (Smokey). Sadie LOVES them both. We have been practising petting the kitty without pulling his tail and we're getting good at it! I'm happy to see that Sadie is not fearful of animals. Bear is a HUGE dog with a big deep bark and we've only had tears once!
We go for daily walks to the marina to see the boats and we've been paddling in the water. Tomorrow we are going to go to the beach for some swimming!
Sadie has also really started taking to her food while here. I have her on solids twice a day now and she's just started eating with interest. I'm looking forward to getting home and starting her on some new foods and making a consistant schedule. We've pretty much been rotating pears, bananas, blueberries, carrots, and sweet potatos with cereal (rice). It's so nice that (I think) she's finally caught on (swallowing AND eating a fair portion). I feel SO behind with this since I know so many of the other December babies are eating such great menus of food and I'm sure on a much greater scale. Clearly my baby is a picky eater just like her Momma!
My mom pretty much forced me to get a play pen for Sadie today. We have one at home but it didn't fit in the car. She wants Sadie trained to sleep in her crib for naps ASAP and I see her point but I am holding strong on night co-sleeping. The problem is that there have been a couple of incidents. She fell out of bed at home and slid off the mattress (on the floor) that we're sleeping on here. So yeah, my mom thinks it's time to get her in a crib "for her own safety" and I don't think I'll hear the end of it. Granny may have been losing it but give her a purpose and then watch out!!!!



Sadie LOVES to eat books!

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Island Vacation

Sadie and I made it up to granny's house last Friday. The 7 hour drive took about 8 hours - not bad! My road trip confidence has increases significantly.
Things have been rocky since we arrived. I'm still stressed out and my mother hasn't reacted the way I'd hoped. Like from everyone else in my life I keep hearing that I need to chill out because "Sadie will sense it" or worse end up like me! In addition we disagree on co-sleeping and I'm not sure how many more ways she can bring it up.
I'm starting to wonder if the root of my issues the building panic over how fast this year is going? I know I'll receive little sympathy considering how lucky I am to have a year but we all have an amount of time and that time ends. My mom took Sadie for a walk today and I ended up chasing her down the street after they left. I'm clearly a long way from where I need to be.
All of the house buying and moving had been setting us up for Sadie's care. I know anyone reading this blog for any amount of time will wonder WTF when they learn this but it is my mother who is moving in with us. Yes, my mom. They one that has causes so much grief in my life.
The thing is that I've learned a lot when I started to listen to her. We really had a great breakthrough after her meltdown last November. She pretty much feels it's her purpose in life to care for Sadie. She said she was so hurt when we said we didn't need her and couldn't imagine why we'd chose daycare instead.
I have reservations about this. Many. But at the same time my mother is really good with Sadie and Sadie loves her. It will be nice leaving her at home and not needing external care. It will be really nice.
In other thoughts, I've been obsessively thinking about #2 lately. My cousin (who I'm not in competition with) told me she's starting to TTC #2 in February. Holy $&@# that seems soon! We had planned on either next fall or perhaps the following spring. I'm starting to think about earlier and earlier but really have no idea! I'm also worried that a driving factor in this obsession is the idea thy I'll have more time with Sadie when a new baby arrives. Wrong attitude, right? What are others thinking about when it comes to #2, 3 etc. How soon are you going to start? Is 2 years apart your ideal?



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Update

I'm still here.
I'm sorry this blog is turning into such a downer but that's where I am right now. Perhaps I should blog more and it will make me feel better.
I've been having good days and bad ones. I had a really good streak of feeling amazing but then it went downhilll again. I've decided that I'm going to hit the road and travel north to see my mom. I think that 99% of my problem is that I'm lonely. Sadie and I get out to programs but it doesn't seem to keep me going like it used to. I can't even say how badly this sucks knowing that I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I clearly need people and I think I've underestimated the importance of work on my well being. I'm alone too much and I have too little to think about.
That said, I'm not excited about my eventual return because I know that I'll miss Sadie painfully. I guess this leaves me unhappy no matter what the situation is?
So I'm leaving. I'll probably be gone 2-3 weeks and maybe longer. The major aspects of our reno will happen with me blissfully unaware and Sadie's naps will not be affected by the noise! I'm hoping I I've 3G access but my mom lives on an island in northern Ontario so I'm not sure! Maybe a techno-vacation is a good idea as well?
Thank-you, everyone, for your words of support. Shannon, Stacey, Melissa, YES - hanging out/playdates sounds awesome so we'll have to plan stuff when I get back.
Donor stuff - I haven't contacted anyone regarding the DSR but I will - thank -you for helping out!

Sadie stuff:
Some quick things on my beautiful 7 month old baby!

* She's sleeping through the night now and it seems like this may be the real deal. She goes down between 7:30 and 9:30 (night owl!) and sleeps about 9- 12 hours.

*We're just getting the hang of solids. In other words, more food is now staying in than coming out! I've pretty much resorted to buying frozen organic baby food at Whole Foods. With everything going on it seems to be working the easiest. Apparently Health Canada recommends introducing protein FIRST before fruits and veggies. I had no idea and have started her (so far) on Avocado, Banana, Sweet Potato, Carrots, Pears and Blueberries. It's been a slow process that I plan on picking up now that she seems to be actually swallowing!! As for the protein ---- dear lord, help me! I have tried (fancy organic frozen) but the meat is just so frigging gross!!!

*Sadie has FOUR top teeth coming in at once!!! That is in addition to the bottom two that she already has.

*We have graduated to a convertible car seat. We bought a Britax Boulevard after much debate. I actually wanted the Britax Marathon Cowmooflage but this one had extra side impact protection and as a paranoid mother I couldn't pass it up!
I miss our bucket!!!! It's awful pulling a sleeping baby out of the car to do something like go leisure shopping. Maybe I'll spend less because of it!!

*wawawa bababababab ahhhhhhh mmmmmmm YEAH num and MOMMMMM! Sadie is finally picking up on babbling. She's a pretty quiet baby and this possibly took longer than it should have but she seems to be "talking" now!!

Ok. Boo is up now so another abrupt end to a blog entry!





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How?

How is it possible to be such a desired child who is so well behaved and still feel so unhappy?A lot of us have been sharing our struggles lately and that is mine. I'm just not happy.
So to those of you I'm ignoring -- and this message is to the general universe as well as directed at those I may owe an e-mail who are reading this-- I'm not sure why but blogging, e-mailing, talking on the phone are just difficult right now.
The good news is that I'm able to keep things going for Sadie even if I feel crappy.
It's been a while since I've posted pictures so I'll share a few.
Also - a while back (I should really tag entries) I had discussed the Donor Sibling Registry. Well my donor is now listed and I'm curious to contact the family but have no budget for joining considering our stupid house projects. I can't remember who was a member but I'm someone who was could pass on my contact info for me? Let me know and I'll provide my info.










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Home

We're in our new house now and fairly decently unpacked. Closing was hell because we had an awful lawyer!! They asked us to come back from Quebec early so we could sign paperwork on Friday (25th) for our closing on Monday (28th) but after sending 4 e-mails and calling they hadn't provided us with an appointment. We had to change our hotel reservation, find a place to stay back in Ontario and drive back early. Fortunately we didn't rush. We left Quebec Thursday morning but spent the night in Kingston, Ontario. We showed up at the Lawyers at 2:00 pm on Friday and they told us to come back Monday!! Um.. no!! We were eventually called in to sign at 6:00 pm. Thank god we waited it out because they had the wrong mortgage instructions and had we waited until Monday we could have missed closing.
That isn't even the worst of it!! Monday was no different. We had to have the mortage instructions faxed 4x before they got them and then they told us to pick up our keys at another law office which was neither in the same city as theirs nor in the same city as the house we bought! To make it even better I asked for our cheque (money leftover in our trust account) and they had no idea what I was talking about. After I reminded them of the 27k they owed us we were told to come back later in the week because they were "too busy". What?? I need to follow-up today because we need that money!
Sigh.
We have renos coming up so the chaos isnt over quite yet but at least I'm in my own bed. The wiring in this place is shit and is being replaced. It's both aluminum and a DIY disaster (we have more than one open junction box). Included in that mess are cable lines that will not support digital cable and right now I'm without wifi - therefore I'm unable to upload photos until I unpack a LAN cable.
Has anyone else bought a "fixer uper" cause right now I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed by it all! I keep asking myself if this house was worth all the hassle and money? The truth is that we did rush into buying it but we were looking for something very specific (in-law suite with private entrance) and this house had it. The previous houses we'd seen with in-law suites were awful and the seperate entrance was hard to find. This place is great because it has an interior and exterior entrance, the apartment is huge with two bedrooms and an eat-in kitchen. More on why we needed the in-law suite to come in a future entry - one I've been avoiding!
We also loved the house because it's in an older, well established neighbourhood with mature trees. We're within walking distance to the elementary-high school, public library and swimming pool. A lot can be said about that because we are now in commuter-ville where a car is essential and school buses are the norm. I'm happy Sadie will not need a school bus, will be able to walk places and not always need to be driven. The shopping in the area is also insane. People had said we'd miss Toronto because we'd find it boring here but there is so much to do and we're only a 30 minute drive from downtown Toronto. I think I'll miss my parking spot more than the condo!!
Speaking of the condo, it's so funny how much bigger our house is!! That may sound like a stupid statement (of course we bought bigger) but we didn't really realize how little space we had until we saw our stuff in the new place. Our smallest bedroom is still much bigger than our master in the condo. We literally couldn't walk around the bed there!! Even Sadies room is double the size. Her dresser no longer needs to be in her closet!
Picture post coming soon!!


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