Sadie and I made it up to granny's house last Friday. The 7 hour drive took about 8 hours - not bad! My road trip confidence has increases significantly.
Things have been rocky since we arrived. I'm still stressed out and my mother hasn't reacted the way I'd hoped. Like from everyone else in my life I keep hearing that I need to chill out because "Sadie will sense it" or worse end up like me! In addition we disagree on co-sleeping and I'm not sure how many more ways she can bring it up.
I'm starting to wonder if the root of my issues the building panic over how fast this year is going? I know I'll receive little sympathy considering how lucky I am to have a year but we all have an amount of time and that time ends. My mom took Sadie for a walk today and I ended up chasing her down the street after they left. I'm clearly a long way from where I need to be.
All of the house buying and moving had been setting us up for Sadie's care. I know anyone reading this blog for any amount of time will wonder WTF when they learn this but it is my mother who is moving in with us. Yes, my mom. They one that has causes so much grief in my life.
The thing is that I've learned a lot when I started to listen to her. We really had a great breakthrough after her meltdown last November. She pretty much feels it's her purpose in life to care for Sadie. She said she was so hurt when we said we didn't need her and couldn't imagine why we'd chose daycare instead.
I have reservations about this. Many. But at the same time my mother is really good with Sadie and Sadie loves her. It will be nice leaving her at home and not needing external care. It will be really nice.
In other thoughts, I've been obsessively thinking about #2 lately. My cousin (who I'm not in competition with) told me she's starting to TTC #2 in February. Holy $&@# that seems soon! We had planned on either next fall or perhaps the following spring. I'm starting to think about earlier and earlier but really have no idea! I'm also worried that a driving factor in this obsession is the idea thy I'll have more time with Sadie when a new baby arrives. Wrong attitude, right? What are others thinking about when it comes to #2, 3 etc. How soon are you going to start? Is 2 years apart your ideal?
-- Post From My iPhone
Glad you made it up there.
ReplyDeleteI hope your mom being the care giver works out. From everything you've said about her I kind of wonder if it's the best thing. Are you doing it to keep her home, save money or to appease your mother? Just curious. I really do hope it works out!! We can't understand the complexities of your mother or your relationship with her based on what you've written so you would know best. My concern lies in what you've told us and how unstable she always seems to be. I hope she's gotten help and is better off and ready to take on the job of watching your daughter!
I think you need to take some opportunities like your mom taking the baby out for a walk without you to learn how to deal with not being with her 24/7. It's healthy to have time away from the baby and to give up a bit of control before you're having to do it all day long. Yes, going back to work can be difficult but it will be fine.
We had Jackson 25 months after Riley was born. Their age gap is awesome! Our next one will be spaced out a bit more with Jackson at least 2.5 years old when he/she is born. For us, we felt like the time was right and we want to have them closer together. You do what's right for you. Sometimes what you plan can change as you actually live and experience things. If you thought it'd be better to wait but now don't think so, go for it. But you're right, don't do it because you'll get to spend more time with Sadie. When you're pregnant and sick or caring for an infant, it can take away time from Sadie so it's not really *for* time with Sadie. I know you mean that you'll be home but what I'm saying is that you're going to have to divide your attention up and so it'll be another adjustment--be sure you're ready!!
I've found out a lot about what has been going on in my
ReplyDeletemoms life over the past few months. A lot ofthe stress
we've had has been about money. Her giving stuff and taking it back or not visiting. Well i found out my Aunt talked her into laoning someone a large amount of money (thousands) and it sent her spiraling into debt. I had no idea things were so hard for her. This was right after my grandfather died and it's all been a lot on her plate. Basically she's trapped where she lives and feels she has no purpose in life - is only existing because she has to.
I forced her to sort out her financial issues with te woman she has her money back. We all want her back in Southern Ontario and living with us is the only way she can. So no, it's not about money for us. We're getting my mom back t the place she should be and a perk is her taking care of Sadie - which she really wants to do. We have back up plans if it doesn't work.
Nice to see you here! Sounds like you've thought through the decision of having your mom watch Sadie. I hope it works out wonderfully for all involved. Perhaps granddaughter time is what she needs :)
ReplyDeleteIn terms of #2, we've been talking about it as well. I'm 40, so if we're going to have another, we need to get on it rather soon. I'm so conflicted. I think if we had a few years to play with, we'd probably do it. It feels weird to be thinking about bringing another one in when this one is still a baby. We are hoping to make a decision when Shane turns 1, so we have a few months left to mull it over. It is SO hard to think about right now! One factor we're considering is that DW is a SAHM with the plan that she'll return to work part-time when Shane starts pre-school (3 years old). So, the sooner we have another, the sooner she can return to the working world. Anyway, you are not alone in your thoughts on #2.
I hope things work out with your mom watching Sadie. It sounds like you know what you're doing and you trust her. I would have had concerns about her being unstable too but from what you posted in your comment, it sounds like there were reasons for that. At any rate, it's great that you're working on your relationship with her and that you're giving her a chance to watch Sadie. If it works out, it'll be great for all involved.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Stacey said about spending a bit of time away from Sadie. I know it's hard but it's better to get used to that now, not just for you but to make it easier on her too, when the time comes. Even start with half an hour or an hour. Run out and read a chapter of a book and have a coffee, then go back. You'll eventually find that you love the time you have to yourself or alone with D. Both Kim and I find that having time to ourselves makes us better parents. We like to re-charge our batteries every now and then and it works wonders for relationships, too. We try to make sure we each have time to ourselves and also time as a couple.
Erik and Ian are 2 years and 7 months apart. Ian and #3 will (if all goes according to plan) be approximately 2 years apart (our kids are spaced out the same as Stacey and Angele's but in reverse order, lol.) One thing about having another baby... it's VERY different from having one. The time you spend with Sadie won't be the same as it is now. It's much harder with two... the older one has to wait a lot while you tend to the needs of the baby.
Our family plan obviously changed since we thought we were done and now we've decided to have one more. Plans change. Do what you think is right for your family. It's okay for that to change as you go along.