Opinion please, not sure what to do about this situation.
Background: My Aunt, who is 45, recently travelled to (insert North African country) to meet and marry a younger man who had courted her over the internet. I am under the belief that this man is committing marriage fraud. If you are not familiar with marriage fraud it is when a foreign national marries for immigration. In Canada, landed immigrant status is given when you “step off the plane”, which means it’s possible for an approved spouse to enter our country as a landed immigrant not ever live or speak to the person they’ve married. Enter broken heart if the person they married is that naive.
My Aunt is under the impression that rules have changed and her new husband will need to live wither under conditional immigrant status for 2 years before officially obtaining landed status. Try as I might, I’ve only found the proposal for this change and not that it has taken effect. I think that our family has been using this fact to comfort the blow of what has happened. You know, “he has to live with her for 2 years so it can’t be marriage fraud”.
I’ve talked this over with a few people IRL and they all think I’m being a bitch about it and need to open my mind to the possibility that it is true love. I can’t and for many reasons.
This is where I’m asking for advice. My Aunt has been hounding me for our new address and she finally said it was because my Grandmother was sending out shower invitations. I don’t want to go and I certainly don’t want to be forced into a situation where I need to congratulate her on something I have such strong feelings about.
Am I being a judgemental bitch? Do I suck it up and go, or do I make an excuse and respectfully decline? If I do that, do I still need to send a card/present or can I just forget the whole thing exists?
This is tricky. I think only you can decide for yourself but need to think of the aftermath with your Aunt. Will you be okay if you do not attend and she is hurt or angry? How would you have felt if she did the same thing to you? I think it is easy to have opinions and judgements, but sometimes you have to swallow the issue and be there for the person.
ReplyDeleteI guess you could loosely say this is the same thing as not supporting gay marriage (ie if she did it to me) but the situation is just soooo shadey. This young exotic man must be really into frumpy women who are 15+ years his senior because all of his 7 FB friends are woman who match that description from across Canada. I think my aunt was the first to take the bait.
ReplyDeleteIF she'd met someone online from within Canada and married him the first time they met I would probably be shocked but not sO against it.
I think we all make mistakes and maybe this is one of your aunt's. But I'd try to suck it up for her sake. You can tell her your feelings, but be gentle about it and then afterwards, hold your tongue. We're all grown-ups here :)
ReplyDeletewell, im an admitted judgmental bitch - especially in circumstances that emphasize the inequality of marriage laws. so, if it were me, i'd make an excuse not to go and send a card.
ReplyDeleteI think it's very possible that it is marriage fraud but at the same time, what if it's not? Everyone has a type. The other day watching a show on TLC, there was a fit black man who married a 600 pound white woman. He loved getting her fatter and that was his attraction. So you can't really judge what some people find attractive--everyone has a type. Maybe that is his type. Maybe he just loves older white women. My point is, you have a right to your view but you're not in the situation so maybe you're wrong. And what if you're wrong? I think you can make an excuse not to go but I'd try and keep an open mind to the fact that maybe, just maybe they are in love and want to marry for the right reasons. Who knows.
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