I was obsessed with the Donor Sibling Registry before TTC. I was on the yahoo group and would check out the posted pictures on a regular basis to see if any of the donors on our list would show up. We'd had a glimpse of the half sibs for our first donor thanks to a blogger and a member of the BBC GLBT board and the similar features between the two children we saw were remarkable.
Sadie's donor is not on the DSR and since I've let my membership slip (I'd renewed twice) I haven't posted her birth. Now that she is here I'm not as eager to see half sibs. I won't deny her this in the future but I need more time to let it digest. Sadie looks SO much like my family and I'm afraid I'll burst that bubble by seeing donor traits in other children. I'm thinking that I'll wait it out a while longer to see if anyone else posts under our donor first.
QUESTION: Who is on the DSR and if so, when did you join? If not, are you considering joining?
We never belonged. I knew Holly & Lois from when we were TTC. Some people found me when the blog was public and I had referred to the donor id. Some of them were on the DSR. I started an online group for us so those on the DSR just send people to our group. We have at least 30 kids now in our group, crazy enough.
ReplyDeleteWe do talk about similarities but I can tell you that in that HUGE group, our kids look more like each other than anyone there. The kids all have similar features. We use our connections to meet up, talk about parenting and raise issues like allergies, skin problems, teeth problems, etc. Whatever comes up that might be linked genetically. So for us, it's great. We even plan on meeting up with some of the families next year in Disney World.
I do plan on joining DSR after giving birth. I'm not sure how soon after, but it seems premature to join while still pregnant. My donor is not on DSR yet either, but I know he has had pregnancies reported and his vials sell well. I think some people are just nervous to be the first to sign up under a particular donor. Remember when you do find a match, it's not a commitment to meet Sadie's half siblings. You can just get the contact information and decide from there what you feel comfortable with.
ReplyDeleteI keep debating it. I know I'll want the info, and during my last pregnancy, I went to see if anybody was connected with our donor number, but this time around, I've had a hard time getting myself to head over there.
ReplyDeleteI have lurked around the DSR since TTC, but the number of posts/emails got ridiculous so I unsubscribed... Not sure what I will do now as a mom. I feel the same- he looks so much like me and my family that I don't know if I want to complicate things more...
ReplyDeleteWe won't be joining the DSR. It makes me nervous to think about letting strangers into our little circle, if you know what I mean. I think at some point Shane will probably find it and may want to do it and if so, we will support him. As for us, we're not really interested.
ReplyDeleteI've checked out the non-member pages just to see the breakdown of male/female children for our donor. At this point in my life, I don't have any real interest in connecting with other families using the same donor. However, on BBC I am on a thread with other mothers who used the same donor but I was "friends" with them prior to using the same donor and I see them no differently than the other blog/bbc friends I have. Maybe as our son gets older and becomes curious about his other biological side, I will make connections if it's important to him but other than that I don't plan on it. Our donor's profile will always be available to our child and we will always have open discussions about how he was conceived but for right now, we have no intention of joining.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really interesting issue. Not being pregnant yet I have only thought of this in theory - but I think I will probably take a leaf out of Glamcookie's book. It's not like we need more family - but our LO will probably be curious and we're okay with that. We have a donor egg too to complicate matters. It's a whole different ball game with that. It's not really that "open" - though our lawyer did advise us that if we were interested in establishing some kind of relationship with the donor for the sake of the child that we could start as soon as the baby was one. Ho hum!!!! More decisions. However we feel like we really love both our donors so I am curious!
ReplyDeleteKim had the exact same concern about being disappointed if a feature she thought came from her family was seen in other half-siblings. We thought about it for a long time, and were really torn about whether we wanted to join. In the end, we did. The main reason was that we wanted to make contact with the families now, so that in the future if our kids want to contact them, we'll have the info. You never know if the DSR will still be around in however many years. Also, we used an anonymous donor and while we don't expect him to, if he ever did contact families through the DSR, we'd want our kids to have the option of being part of that if they wanted to.
ReplyDeleteIt was not an easy decision for us and we didn't join until Erik was almost a year old.
It's been a good experience. It has been really nice talking to the families and seeing the similarities and differences in the kids. It's just nice to know they're out there and who they are if our kids ever want to contact or meet them. We have a Yahoo group now. We're not in constant contact with them but every once in a while we send updates or post a few pictures. I know one little girl who is five was very interested in her half-siblings and her parents asked for photos as they were making an album for her.
Our position is still that we probably won't meet any half-siblings until our kids are old enough to decide that for themselves. Some of the families were going to meet up in Toronto this past summer and we were really torn about it because one of the siblings was supposed to be moving to another country and we knew it might be Erik's only chance to meet him. In the end the reunion didn't happen and neither did the move. I think due to the one kid moving we might have considered meeting up with everyone, but other than that reason, we wouldn't do it until our kids decide they want to. And that could be at any age. Erik might decide at 4 or 5 that he wants to and we would be fine with that.