Christmas Babies

I have to admit that I hadn't thought about Christmas babies. I guess it depends on how you go about celebrating a birthday and how important it is to celebrate close to or on that day. I imagine we'd focus on family for the actual day and set the expectation that Birthday Parties (for friends) are flexible & can be a couple of weeks before the actual day.

My 2 nephews are xmas babies and my mother and father are both December babies. I wouldn't mind a December baby at all.

Once again I'm going to say I do not want to think about symptoms because it's cruel to get my hopes up BUT my breasts are feeling tender. I admit I may have caused sore nipples during past TWWs because I have poked them too much (to see if they hurt) but this time I'm certain they're doing it on their own! Only a few more days until I test!! DW and I are going to spend a night in Niagara Falls this weekend to get away and hopefully keep my mind off this stuff.

level headed?

I'm trying not to think about symptoms.... I'm worried that i'm feeling a bit more desperate this round so I'm trying to stay level headed if that's at all possible. I haven't even been to the dollar store to buy the 20 HPT I'll need.

I was wrong and my clinic was right. My LH jumped to 79 the day after it was 7. It was a huge jump. I had an IUI on both Wednesday and Thursday and ovulated sometime between 7:30 am Wednesday and 7:30 am Thursday. Looks like I had bang-on EXCELLENT timing! AND I had two follicles! One on the left and one on the right. So no matter where the sperm swam, they would hit an eggie.

D and I have been talking a lot about TWINS. Since there were two Follicles, it's possible! Although we're keeping realistic since I should already have 3 babies if this were to work with any amount of predictability!

TWINS, sigh. I'd be thrilled. However, one at a time would be best. We were at Babyland and Babies R Us today (just for fun) and the thought of buying a double stroller, 2 highchairs and 2 cribs was quite overwhelming. Our condo is small (900 SF) so adding 1 of each of these is a stretch. Adding 2 is going to be a tight squeeze! We'll have to wait and see.

So I went to the clinic this morning feeling very defeated and depressed. I couldn't pretend to be happy or care about anything even if I tried and it's not about my last BFN it's about the next. I have 3 great sized follicles - no trigger shot- and another potentially poorly timed IUI. What can I do? I feel like there's another month down and that this cycle is going to be wasted. I WANT OUT OF THIS CLINIC but I feel so trapped. The only thing I can do is call the shots and make this work for ME.
I'm going back in 2.5 hours to talk to the doctor and discuss what is best. Should I have my IUI today or should I wait until tomorrow? Again, it all depends on my LH. Also, I took a quick peek at my chart this morning and it looked like I have a 1.8. 1.9 and 2.4 follicle. Usually when I reach 1.9 I'm good to go and I ovulate that day. We'll have to see what she says and go from there.
If I have my IUI today I do not want to go in for monitoring tomorrow. It would be too heartbreaking to see my follicle and know that I wasted more sperm.
For all the problems other people have with TTC I feel like mine are so petty. I'm not on try #10 and I haven't had a M/C. What I have is a clinic that I do not trust and a hemorrhaging bank account.

I had no idea this would be so hard and I'm not happy at all. I'm trying so hard to make the decisions that will count so I can take control of my treatment because I think my Doctor is taking me down the wrong path. If I were following them blindly I doubt I would ever get pregnant. It's going to totally suck if they're right and I'm wrong but I really have to take that chance.

I'm currently on CD14. They want me in for my IUI tomorrow but I feel it's too early. My LH is only at 7 and IMHO that is not a surge. If I go in tomorrow and it's 30 or higher I'll do the insem. If it's in the teens, I'll wait and have my first insem on Thursday. EVERYTHING I've read says that an LH Surge is about 25 so WHY on earth would my doctor call me in for a 7? I'm so annoyed with them. I'm already exhausted with this and now I have to deal with BS like an early IUI.

Names

I love picking out names -
At this point in time, if we have a girl it will likely be:
Sadie Elaine Z-lastname
Katelyn Elys Z.........

or a boy:
Owen Samual Z.......
Jackson Grier Z....... (I prefer"Jack" but DW wants Jackson)

Family and TTC and High Blood Pressure

My DW's family have been more than accepting and is very excited for us - it's the best thing ever! My family is not the same at all. My mom has said some really horrible things about how having a child will ruin your life (I'm an only child so how does that feel?) and to really think about it... I got mad at her and asked her not to provide any further insight on how big of a mistake it would be and since then she's come around a bit. She actually called to find out the results of my first try. My dad is another story. We've decided we'll announce once I'm pregnant because he can be really insensitive. He often says that I'll never give him a grandchild and that angers me so much - why wouldn't I? I have a very weak relationship with him right now - we can spend time together and enjoy each others company but he always has to ruin it by say ingsomething mean about "the gays". I'm hoping that our child will bring my family back into my life in a positive way. It's hard right now to keep them happy - I'm hoping they will eventually just be happy without all of the walking on eggshells.

I haven't been feeling well. I've been sick with a headache and a mind fogginess for the past week. I finally went to the doctor this morning and she said my blood pressure is high. I have 2 weeks to try to lower it by eliminating salt from my diet and if it hasn't improved I'll need to go on meds. I asked how that would affect a pregnancy and she said it would put me into a higher risk category. I'm really feeling bummed right now.