WWYD?

Opinion please, not sure what to do about this situation.

Background: My Aunt, who is 45, recently travelled to (insert North African country) to meet and marry a younger man who had courted her over the internet. I am under the belief that this man is committing marriage fraud. If you are not familiar with marriage fraud it is when a foreign national marries for immigration. In Canada, landed immigrant status is given when you “step off the plane”, which means it’s possible for an approved spouse to enter our country as a landed immigrant not ever live or speak to the person they’ve married. Enter broken heart if the person they married is that naive.
My Aunt is under the impression that rules have changed and her new husband will need to live wither under conditional immigrant status for 2 years before officially obtaining landed status. Try as I might, I’ve only found the proposal for this change and not that it has taken effect. I think that our family has been using this fact to comfort the blow of what has happened. You know, “he has to live with her for 2 years so it can’t be marriage fraud”.
I’ve talked this over with a few people IRL and they all think I’m being a bitch about it and need to open my mind to the possibility that it is true love. I can’t and for many reasons.

This is where I’m asking for advice. My Aunt has been hounding me for our new address and she finally said it was because my Grandmother was sending out shower invitations. I don’t want to go and I certainly don’t want to be forced into a situation where I need to congratulate her on something I have such strong feelings about.

Am I being a judgemental bitch? Do I suck it up and go, or do I make an excuse and respectfully decline? If I do that, do I still need to send a card/present or can I just forget the whole thing exists?

Back to the Challenge

Day 16 – Friends
D and I used to have a close group of friends. We’d celebrate holidays with them like they were family and even travelled on vacations together. Then about 6 years ago things started to change. We started to move, break up with partners, find new interests and do grown up things like buy homes and get married. We were the first of our friends to buy a condo, the first to get married, the first to have a kid and the first to move to the suburbs. In terms of relating to those friends, we have very little in common with them now. Still, a few have remained good friends, the kind of friends that would do anything for you (See Day 20 response). Since our move I have fallen in with a group of moms and that is where Sadie and socialize. Also, being back at work, I have my BFF there. We’ve known each other for 10 years and are very close, talking every day and I’d say for about 8 years straight we’d have lunch every work day. Even on mat leave we’d talk weekly.
Otherwise we feel a bit in limbo when it comes to friends. We’re in a new town and much to our disappointment we still feel excluded due to where we live. I say that because a lot of people from where we grew up (family/friends) abhorred the idea of driving into Toronto (highways, traffic, paid parking – oh my!). We were always travelling to them and not much has changed other than the fact that by moving out of the city we have become "invisible" to friends we would hang out with there. I honestly wish people wouldn’t decide for us if it’s worth our time to drive somewhere to visit them. Seriously.

Day 17 – Parenthood
So far Parenthood has been a giant cluster fuck of emotions for me. That would be what I have least enjoyed. What I have enjoyed most is everything else. I love watching Sadie. I love watching her eyes when she’s intently watching her favourite TV show or seeing how she smacks her lips when she eats. I love how sleepy she looks when she wakes up and how her hair is wild and out of control. I love the way she runs down the hall, or plops in her chair. I love hearing her voice when she screeches MAAAAA or the cute little coo of Maaah in the middle of the night. I love seeing her smile and wave through our front window when I get home from work. I love everything about her.

Day 18 – Astrology
Meh.I’m a Taurus.

Day 19 – PDA
Despite living in a queer friendly neighbourhood in Toronto for half a decade D and I have never really embraced PDA. We equally gag when we see it in front of us.

Day 20 – Nicest thing anyone has ever done for us
A year ago, at this time, we were “homeless” thanks to a verbal agreement gone wrong that left a 10 day gap between the closing dates of our condo and house. A number of people helped us but one friend went above and beyond. That friend was incredible. He emptied our already packed 10'x10' storage locker (that we thought was for staging only) and reorganized it so all of our 2 bedroom condo would fit in it. We had boxes stacked to the ceiling of the unit, carefully loaded with the heaviest items on the bottom. Our dining room table ended up in the rafters as well with all of the furniture fitting in like a jigsaw puzzle. I don’t know what we would have done without him and we’re still not sure how to fully repay the kindness!!! A lot of people came together during that time. Another friend let me sleep over at her house for 10 days. I think she loved having Sadie there so it was a treat for her. Yet another example of above and beyond!

Weekend(s) recap

I’m taking a break from the non-challenge to catch up on our "exciting lives". We’ve had a run of staying out too late and running around all weekend long. Weekends aren’t the same when you have a kid. There never seems to be enough time anymore but we try to get a lot done.
Last weekend (11/12) set us up to be tired (and sick) the rest of the week. On Thursday night we went to the NKOTBSB (I can see you laughing, except Shannon of course) concert in Toronto and then on Saturday night we saw Glee Live. I think in retrospect, if we had known Glee Live was coming we wouldn’t have purchased the NKOTBSB tickets. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case and we cautiously had to ask my mom if it was ok for her to baby-sit two late nights almost back to back. She agreed but it still felt wrong as we were doing it. She’s been a good sport about baby-sitting off-work hours but we don’t want to abuse it. Both shows were great!
For the Saturday show (Glee), we went in a bit early (around 4:30) to grab dinner and go shopping. We almost reverted to our old 20-something/pre-baby selves and hung out at the tour buses waiting for the cast. After being there for about 15 minutes we decided it wasn’t worth it. I can’t believe it! We gave up a celebrity stalking experience to go to Old Navy!??!What’s happening to us?? Are we “old” now?? It felt like it.
On top of this we still managed to have a full weekend with Sadie including The Little Gym, shopping and trips to the park. It was exhausting.
This weekend (18/19) was going to be a bit more relaxing since it was all about swimming (which Sadie LOVES). On Saturday we went to a BBQ/pool party. The pool water was so warm thanks to solar panel heating (I wish my dad would invest in that!) and my friend’s back yard was nicely shaded. I love swimming outside but keeping out of the sun is always an issue. I was very happy.
Unfortunately, Sadie was an insane toddler. She wanted in the pool, she wanted out of the pool, she wanted to chase the dog, and chase the dog and chase the dog and go back in the pool, with the dog. When she didn’t get what she wanted she’d cry a sad cry that made everyone ask what was wrong. I was essentially run off my ass the entire time. Socializing is hard when you have a baby and extra hard when there is a gigantic temptation taking up 80% of the backyard!! Oy vey. I fell sound asleep at 7:00 pm I was so tired!
On Sunday, after seeing how well Sadie slept on Saturday (very very well), we decided to check out the pool where Sadie will start swimming lessons this week. We lasted over an hour in the pool with our crazy daredevil child. Does anyone else have a fearless kid? Sadie was having a blast jumping off her floatie (giant foam butterfly) into the water. She LOVED sinking to the bottom. Of course that only happened twice when our guards were down. The rest of the time we were able to catch her before she made it too far and as soon as we get to NY she'll have her new puddle jumper (like water wings). She’s going to give her Momma a heart attack!
This coming weekend we’re going to Canada’s Wonderland (like 6 flags) and the next weekend we’re going to Sesame Place followed by a week on Long Island visiting Sadie's BFF Ryan and his awesome moms. I have to admit that I am very nervous to see what travel with an 18 month old is going to be like!!


Pictures of Sadie:

Sitting and reading a book while we make dinner.

Picking flowers (yes, that’s a RL polo shirt but I got it on sale, new, for $9.99 so it doesn’t count as expensive)

Day 15 - college

I'm wasn't sure if I was going to write this or how I would make it sound less pathetic. I'll skip right to the end:
I spent my final exams before graduation running like a wild child through Manhattan, racking up credit card debt, accepting nightly accomodations with people I barely knew and trying to find under the table work.
My parents were SO proud that I had to pay ALL of the tuition I'd wasted.
When my credit cards finally gave up I had no choice but to go home and face the fact that I had essentially dropped out of school.
Do I regret it? Not really.
Has it impacted where I am now? I honestly doubt it because I'm not doing anything near what I was studying. Who knows? I just hope Sadie learns from my mistakes.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Day 14 – How do you like to dress your kids?

I’m going to skip right to Sadie for this one since she’s the one with the nice clothes in our house!

My view on buying children’s clothing has changed a lot over the past year. There was a point where I may have bought into the idea that more expensive was worth it, better quality, blah blah blah… but I’d given up on that idea after last summer. Kids grow too fast to spend a lot of money on any one item. The most “expensive” items we have now are used Gymboree dresses and each of those adorable little velvety ensembles have only been worn once. I’m thankful I didn’t pay full price.

Most of Sadie’s fall/winter clothing was second hand or from Walmart (sleepers). Now that the summer is here again we’re buying new since there isn’t the same savings for shorts and t-shirts. I’d found it hard last year and I’m finding it hard again this year since little girls clothing is very revealing. We will not dress Sadie in tank tops, halter tops or spaghetti straps so this means that 99% of sundresses are out since they rarely have sleeves. We’ve found that Carters has some great options but you have to shop early to grab the Spring/Early Summer items before they all turn skimpy. Of course, this isn’t the same on the boy’s side of the store. Try buying a bathing suit for a little girl. Shop early for that too so you can grab a bikini that has a rash guard top. Otherwise, go to the boys section because apparently sun protection is important for boys while little girls can wear “barely there” bikinis. We were able to buy a few rash guard swim suits this year.

So what if she looks like she’s from the 1920’s? I’m serious about sun protection.

Anyway, we have two drawers busting full of clothing that needs to be packed away and I’m saddened every time I do it. The reality is, even if we have a second, we only have a 50% chance we’re gong to have a girl. Holding onto Sadie’s clothing is an emotional crutch. She’s growing too fast and it makes me want to cry (even the Walmart sleepers get me teary eyed).

Ketchup

Day 7 – Skip

Day 8 – If you had to teach something, what would you teach? I’ve often thought of how sweet it would be to be a school teacher and have the summer off but I’ve never once imagined myself teaching children. I couldn’t handle more than 10-12 kids. I probably wouldn’t want to teach adults either. I have a very low tolerance of stupid people. I can’t stand going into a training session and needing to deal with that person who tries to enter URL’s into google.

Day 9 – What is the most important lesson you learned from your own Mother? Honesty, I suppose. My mother is a very honest person (to a fault) and always put a great emphasis on being honest. I may be a rule bender now but I can’t lie without feeling extremely guilty.

Day 10 – Skip

Day 11 – In what ways does being a 2-mom family impact your experience of parenting? So far I don’t think it’s impacted our parenting at all. I feel like we’re exactly the same as a heterosexual family. I don’t think we’re going to feel the impact until Sadie is old enough to understand that her family is different.

Day 12 – Tell us about the first time you got drunk. On my 19th birthday (legal drinking age in Ontario, Canada) I went out with friends to a restaurant that was known for extremely large cocktails. The one I ordered came in a fish bowl and my friend’s came in a flower vase. I was so scared I was going to be sick after finishing the drink that I made myself throw it up. Smart, right? I can be tempted by fancy cocktails occasionally but I’m usually too cheap to pay for them. I’ve never had a glass of wine or even a taste of beer. I don’t feel I’m missing out on anything.

Day 13 – Best Job/Worst Job – My Best job was working as a camp counsellor. I absolutely loved camp and looked forward to it all year long. I spent 11 years at the same camp between working, volunteering and being a camper myself. My “worst job” was at a fast food mc “burger joint”. I started out as a part time employee while still in school and after 6 months was offered an Assistant Manager position (Corporate, not Franchise). I loved the job literally as much as I hated it. I say that because the people I worked with, the kids I managed, were great. The company treated its employees well (overnight retreats, big parties, good compensation and vacation) but it was the customers that SUCKED. We were treated horribly, constantly and there was always the big "threat" of complaints to head office (I'd gladly give out my business card so they could reference my name). I don’t know why but people felt so entitled when they came into our restaurant, but they did.
Anyway, I quit after a little over 1 year in the position. I’d had my limit of calling police over fighting, homeless sex in the wheelchair washroom (referred to as bum sex but that confuses people haha), scam artists lying about food they never purchased and demanding refunds and the cleaning up of vomit. On my very last shift my first phone call of the morning was the Police Department calling about “the robbery at our restaurant” the night before. I was sooooo happy to get out of there. Sooooo happy.

Chaos

Last night Sadie and I went to a potluck dinner with my “Mommy Group”. It was chaos enough to make me laugh about what I had written about being one and done. There were four sets of sibs (4 & 2, 4 & 20 Months, 5 & 3 and 3 & 5 months) and one other only child who was the same age as Sadie. The theme of the night was hitting, fighting, tattling, screaming and crying. The other moms were all losing their cool on the kids and I was sitting back thinking “OMG...this really sucks, get me out of here”. Sadie was far from innocent in the toddler melee. She was at the centre of it and most often the cause as the other 17 month old (2 days older) was quiet and cautious.
Sadie is “active". Actually, she is very active and is way more active than any other toddler in her Little Gym class. She was even outshining some of the older kids with her gross motor skills last night (showing off by climbing on things and standing up). It’s exhausting and I don’t want to end up one of those moms who has the kid that everyone knows is a troublemaker. In her defence, her behaviour is that way because she gets really excited around other kids, I think.
I don't know, should we start to worry that she is overactive? Or is this just toddler hood? Should I mention it to her doctor? I mean, I do have a history of ADHD. I was a wild child.
Don’t get me wrong, Sadie is PERFECT and I see nothing wrong with her personally. I’d rather her be this way than a kid that cries all the time and has no confidence. The thing is that I do see how other people react to her and I hear their comments, “is she always like this?”, “is she like this at home?”… lovely. They’re laughing and think she’s adorable but I don’t want her to be known as Sadie “the hyper kid”. KWIM? I know they're secretly happy their toddler isn't as craazy.
Am I overreacting? Is this totally normal?