Of course...

Our donor is no longer showing available on the Canadian site for Xytex. I know that we can go on a wait list for a second pregnancy but that assumes a 1st pregnancy. Damn it all... I really liked this guy and had wanted him to be our IVF donor.
I have 2 chances left for this donor to be our guy. I'm at 10 DPI and I haven't tested so I'm not out of this cycle yet. We also have a single vial left and we'll be using it for our final IUI. I guess I could just skip the last IUI and go right into IVF but I'd prefer going into IVF with an available donor. I don't like the idea of being on a wait list to have a second child if I'm at all able to control that.
Looks like we're back to the beginning again and looking for donor #5. Why do I pick all of the donors that sell out?

Donor Wanted:
Caucasian, Fair-Medium skin tone, Brown/Light Brown or Blonde Hair, CMV- negative, Canadian Compliant, Any Blood type, or Eye Colour.

Angry. Bitch.

I've been out of control moody the last couple of days and it's getting a bit scary. My filter is off and there have been quite a few strangers who have suffered the wrath of my bad mood. For example, shopping for tofu dogs yesterday sent me into a seething rage. Albeit shopping at METRO is never a pleasure but that poor woman who's cart got in my way... that poor woman.
I guess this is my way of dealing with the fact that we're on the verge of our 10th try. I'm at 7 DPI which is when the TWW takes the dreaded nose dive into the disappointing half of the wait. I don't want to test. I don't want to test.... I don't want to test.

I am slowly going crazy
1-2-3-4-5-6- switch.
Crazy going slowly am I
6-5-4-3-2-1 switch.
Sigh.

Easter weekend

The weekend is over. We did some family stuff and went to the drive-in. My brother was obnoxious so visiting my dad wasn't a lot of fun. He's so spoiled. He spent half the time we were there trying to get us to endorse the Nintendo DSI (new Gameboy) because he wants my parents to buy him one. I'm sure he'll get it.
I also found out that my cousin is pregnant. I was pretty upset by this. To put things into perspective she is 4 years younger than me and I was in the middle of my first TWW during her wedding in October 2007. This was before my first BFN so I was certain I was going to be pregnant in the near future. I
wanted to be first but she has beat me to it.
My dad doesn't known we're trying so he had no idea how this piece of Gossip would affect me. As soon as I heard it I wanted to leave.
We're at 4 DPI and I'm still feeling apathetic towards this try. I think I've gotten myself to the point where I believe that TTC will always be about trying and will never be about conceiving. I'm thinking about try #10
and beyond without even considering a BFP. I think it's true that our last try was the last time I'd ever feel hope in this process.

-- Post From My iPod Touch

TWW

We're in the TWW - 3 DPI.
The insemination went really well on Thursday. We arrived at noon and were out by 12:40. The procedure was very informative. Dr. P explained everything she was doing and we were able to watch it on the u/s screen. It wasn't very dramatic as you can see from the following picture but it was cool when the sperm went in. You could see it sparkle on the screen and start to move around.
We had to go back in again Friday to check my estrogen levels to ensure it was going down. Dr. P also wanted to perform an additional u/s to confirm I'd ovulated. That was a little bit stressful but we saw that I had ovulated so that was good news!
Overall this cycle was not what I expected but I'm not feeling as regretful as I was a few days ago. I wish I had more than 2 follicles but in the end I'm just happy that the timing was right. I'm also extremely pleased with how we've been treated. I firmly believe that had I started to ovulate at the old clinic they wouldn't have proactively called me in the same day to have the injection of Orgalutran. I also appreciate how Dr. P has listened to my concerns and corrected the errors from my last cycle. Specifically I wanted to take my Ovidrel injection no less than 24 hours prior to my IUI. I can tell they went out of their way to call me much earlier than normal to allow this. For the first time since we started this process I can imagine bringing our baby in or sending a photo to Dr. P to thank her for her help. Previously (old clinic) I considered a BFP my get out of jail free card and would never...ever... want to see the clinic and/or the doctor ever again.
I'm not excited about this cycle. I don't even plan on testing. I feel like I'm completely over that. After last cycle I've decided that I never want to see another BFN HPT....ever. We'll see how that goes since I'll admit I am a bit impulsive when it comes to POAS!

Update

My Follicles grew A LOT last night and are now at 1.8 and 1.9 - only two (bummer). I took a shot of Orgalutran yesterday afternoon and then again early this morning to STOP ovulation. I also took another shot of Puregon and then Ovidrel this afternoon because my IUI will be tomorrow at noon. There's nothing left to do for this cycle. One more morning at the clinic and then my IUI - which will be done by guided ultrasound. D is going to make it this time since we're both excited to see how this is going to work. The good news is that both follicles are on the left so the swimmers can ALL be shot into the left tube. The other good news is that I have 1 dose left in my Puregon Pen. I'm glad we didn't have to buy an additional vial. Now we can decide whether we want to do this again or not. Bad news though, the Orgalutran was not $90 it was $116 so that was a nice $230 bill for 2 shots.

Worn out

I'm completely worn out. This is just dragging on and on. I've already finished almost 2 vials of puregon. That's $670 spent and another one is going to be purchased. It looks like I'll be spending $335 for only a few additional injections.
Right now I'm not pleased or confident with this cycle. I have 3 follicles but it looks like 1 is not keeping up. I can do that on clomid for $86 - just saying. Anyway, I just got a call from the clinic saying my LH is starting to rise and I need to go and pick up another drug to stop ovulation. Great, add another $90/day. I hate how our crappy insurance only covers $3000/lifetime. The money is draining quickley!
The plan WAS to do two injectable cycles but this is not what I had expected. I wanted more than two follicles to up my chances. I didn't think I'd be busting my ass like this for so little gain (none right now). Ultimately when I get my expected BFN from this cycle (yes, I'm feeling that negative) I will have to decide based on the amount of leftover meds if I'm going to try the same protocol again. Honestly I think I want to quit at this point. No more IUI. I have a lead on a KD and I may follow it. I know eveyone seems so against KDs but I want to try it before we move on to IVF. I don't want to put myself through something I may not need to and may not work. Afterall I have friends who had poor clinic experiences go on to quickly get pregnant with a KD. No intervention (meds etc.) required. Right about now that sounds perfect.

-- Post From My iPod Touch

Day 6

Another -not so exciting- post about try #9... I'm back to the clinic again tomorrow for more b/w and u/s.
The Puregon injections are going well. For those of you in Canada who are reading... have you claimed TTC medical expenses on your taxes? Did it help your return? Based on what I've read I won't be able to claim 2007 (my first $3900 purhase of sperm) because it has to be for the 12 month period of that year. There is still a lot to claim for 2008 (sperm and medicine).