The S#IT has hit the fan

Yep. It has.
But first I need to say that Frank had his stitches removed tonight and he's doing great! The Dr. said we are extremely lucky because this kind of injury usually results in amputation. He said the next 4 days will be crucial so we need to make sure Frank doesn't lick or bite the wound. Hes' back in the cone.

Now the bad news.
CAS finally did a home visit and boy is my SIL angry. We're now officially cut off from the kids. Honestly, it took so long for this to happen that I thought it wasn't going to. The feedback so far is that she is FURIOUS with us and she knows we called because "the questions they asked made it obvious". They think we did this to get the kids. Not true. I guess she's forgetting that we called when she was was trying to get rid of them herself.
Honestly, I feel the call was justified. I called because I was worried that they were taking drastic actions (trying to give up all of the their children) in an escalating fashion. Of course, CAS asked why they'd want to give up their kids. I then said what our concerns were and what had happened. etc. etc.
There are things that I am not going to get into on here that I felt were an issue enough to mention and D and I both agreed we should call. I have no regrets.
I guess this explains why we cannot get in contact with them at all this week.

Donor Stress Part 2

I'm still not 100% confident in our choice to use a KD. Although I want the advantage of free sperm and no clinic I'm also really nervous when I think about the potential issues we'll face in the future. Our Anonymous donor is ID release. We'll be able to tell our child(ren) they will receive information about their Donor when they turn 18. They'll also know things like what he looks like (from his childhood photo), his occupation, how many siblings he has and what nationality he is. These things all seem weak when you think that's the ONLY information you'll be able to provide but the alternative for us is even worse (ironically). Using a known donor who is anonymous means we won't even be able to tell our child the nationality he is because that would give away too much information.
I really wish this wasn't so difficult. I told D tonight that I'd like to try our last Anonymous Donor again because he got me pregnant (albeit chemical) on my last try. Maybe he's our lucky guy and it will work again.
It's amazing that at one point I thought we had things all worked out with my BIL and I was afraid I was pregnant by a "stranger". Maybe I've watched too much Oprah (I haven't really, I can't stand her) but I'm so worried that we are making such life altering decisions. I'm so worried about how our child will feel and at the same time worried about how we'll feel. KD or Anonymous donor, I'm not sure who wins. Will our child have more peace of mind growing up with an anonymous donor ID release donor or an anonymous known (to us only) donor?

Donor Stress

I'm on CD3... and I'm thinking about trying this cycle. I just don't know what to do about our donor issue.
BIL is no longer our donor although we have an option for another KD who wishes to remain anonymous "always & forever" so I can't really say much about him. I'm not so happy about that because if this person is in our life our kid may figure out who he is and that will be an awful situation... this person may not be so bright but that's possibly giving away a lot.
I'd go back to the sperm bank and the clinic but D is being pretty stubborn about the money.
I'm stuck in the middle.
I can't believe we're on try #7.

My Mother - Part 2

So my mother calls tonight and I thought maybe she was calling to say she'd still come down for a visit. Nope! She wanted me to ask my father if he'd help her find a used car. Ha! I told her to find the car she wanted to buy and then I'd ask my father to see if it was a good deal. There is no way he's going to run around looking at cars for her. She'd probably ask him to drive it up to her as well!
She then asks when I'm going to "ship her stuff". Well, I wasn't going to "ship her stuff" because I thought she was driving down to visit. I have had this box of crap that she left at my place since May when she bought way more than she could ever fly back on a plane with. As it was she had to pay $50 per bag because they were so over packed. She suggested I drive-to-Hamilton to give it to my Aunt who lives in Hamilton to give it to my other Aunt who is down visiting - to fly home with. I told my mother that there was way too much stuff for my Aunt to fly with. She then huffed and said "I bought you a TV so you should ship my stuff to me". THAT was the point that I got nasty. I asked her if she bought us the TV or not because she only says that when she wants me to do something for her. Her answer was that "when she's in a pinch she'll ask for the money back". Well she's been in a pinch a few times now because she brings it up every couple of weeks.
I fully know I'm being difficult here but she buys way too much stuff and then leaves it with me to make elaborate plans to get it back to her. Albeit it's been happening a lot less since she never comes down anymore but it's still annoying. Like, do you really need to buy new colanders in Toronto? I'm pretty sure you can buy those anywhere. It's not a good deal when you need to buy new suitcases and pay overweight baggage charges or ship via Greyhound to get the stuff home.
For a long time I thought that the breakdown in our relationship was entirely my fault but I'm starting to see otherwise. My mother has always been like this. When I was a kid and I was so desperate to spend time with her she'd ditch me for just about anything. When I told her we were looking at houses in Hamilton to be closer to family she told me that she would not come down if we lived there because "everything bad that has happened to her has happened there". That's not very nice when you think that I was born and raised there. It goes hand in hand with her warnings to me about not having a kid because it will "ruin your life". I would say she's heartless but she doesn't even notice that she acts like this. She just acts selfishly on a consistent basis. She's a pretty good "over the phone friend" but as far as actually being a "mom" she gave up that role years ago.

My Mother

Next up, my mother has really pissed me off. I'm not even sure pissed off is the right words for it. I think more it is "greatly disappointed". Since Frank takes 2 pills per day (now 6 with pain and antibiotics) we always need an overnight sitter when we go on vacation. Our regular cat sitter has gone back to school so we're relying on our mothers for help. Given that we've we just spent $700 we decided to cancel our main hotel stay (same amount as vet bill) and have opted for just going away for 1 night.
With little surprise she took this opportunity to say it was "too complicated" anyway and we can just board Frank at the vet. Which is true and something we didn't know was an option in the past but the point was that I still wanted her to come. I suggested she fly down with my uncle and stay for 4 days and then fly back with him (Air Canada buddy pass) but she said no because she doesn't like standby. I was hoping she would still visit because I haven't seen her for more than 2 days in a row in several years. It's so bad it's like I only get to see her at weddings and funerals.
To make it even worse she told me she was coming down for just one night but was going to Mount Forest and then returning home the next day. She wouldn't have a chance to see me. She actually ended the call in a sing-song voice saying "I'll see you one day, I just don't know when".
I'm sorry but this is BS. I can't believe she cares so little that she doesn't want to see me! She's taken to this family in her town and calls the children her "fake grand kids" and spends a lot of time with them (including this trip to Mount Forest for a bird show). I feel like asking if she's forgotten that she has a family. What makes things even worse is that D and I had offered for her to live with us and she'd said she wanted to take care of her "grand baby" but now I'm thinking that everything she does is disappointing and it will likely never happen. I'm living in a dream world thinking that she can be my child's "Nana" and things will be like they were for me (I loved my Nana so much).
Whatever!

The Cat Came Back...

We thought he was a goner but...

Frank is home. This has honestly been the ultimate week from hell. On Wednesday morning we went back to the vet after a horrible night on Tuesday. We'd pretty much decided to put him down because we didn't think things could be worse. I even started to cry in the waiting room thinking it was our last few minutes together. The vet we saw who was the one assigned to the morning emergency appointments was a complete jerk. So much so that we asked to speak with someone else. He basically took one look at Frank and was like "That will heal on it's own, you have two choices, ONE, re-suture and be in the same place again tomorrow or TWO, just let it heal". I told him we were so upset we were thinking of putting him down and he scoffed at me and said "You don't put a cat down for THAT". Maybe if he took the time to listen or could see that my home looked like a scene from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre he'd understand why this was an emergency. On to the next Doctor. She was better but had spoken to him and I hadn't been nice to him so she had a bit of a defensiveness. She at the very least agreed to board Frank for a couple of nights to observe him. She explained that he doesn't really have Kidney Disease and doesn't know why the previous Dr. said that. She said he had a higher than normal level but that could be because he didn't drink enough water overnight (possible since he was attacking his tail all-night-long). I was so pleased that I wouldn't have to bring him home which is what the first Dr. had wanted. Thinking about it, it really was unfair to send him home with NO pain medication. His tail must have been so sore. He was in pain. He would get the sedative and pain medication he needed while boarding so this was a good thing.
At this point my day didn't get any better but at least my first problem was solved. I decided to go home and clean-up. It took over an hour with our Green Machine to clean up all of the blood on the carpet in the spare room. I left a small amount of droplets but the worst of it was over. My MIL helped by using Lysol wipes to clean the walls. It was so gross but thankfully we blocked him into one room during the height of his insanity so at least the mess was contained. Unfortunately our condo smelled badly of blood from top to bottom.
After all of this I went to work and guess what? I lost my wallet!! I was so out of it and upset that my thought and actions were not in sync. I dropped it and remember looking at it and thinking "I need to pick up my wallet" but I guess I didn't. I honestly can't remember but I'm certain that is the moment when it went missing. I guess the train came and I got on it and left my wallet sitting on the platform. Thankfully D had my passport, SIN and Birth Certificate so I've been able to replace my Health Card and Drivers License. I've also made all of the necessary phone calls to my bank, Credit report agencies and the police. I'll be checking with the TTC lost and found next week.
Great week, huh?
I'm glad my baby is back but this week has sucked. A lot..

FRANK!

I’ve had a horrible night. Frank didn’t come out of the anesthesia well. He seemed OK by 11:00 pm so we decided to go to bed but within literally 5 minutes he went crazy and busted out his stitches – blood everywhere again. I’ve spent the night trying to calm him because the emergency clinic told us it would be $145 just to walk through the door and I’d already spent $600!!

So now we’re at an impasse. It cost $500 to suture him but he won’t leave his tail alone so there is no way it is going to heal. Regardless even if we made it through the next 14 days the vet said it was likely we’d need to amputate his tail due to a lack of blood flow to the impacted area. We’re going to have to go back in and either ask to amputate immediately or put him down.

To complicate things while inserting a tube into his mouth they found that the back of his mouth and into his throat is full of ulcers so she did a culture swab ($82) and the blood work given to him to determine if his organs could handle the anesthesia came back indicating he has Kidney Disease. As well they also detected a heart murmur.I don’t even know what to do!

We have such a long history with the Frankenmonster. He has never been well adjusted and our life with him has been filled with turmoil. My mother is terrified of him because he once ripped my leg to shreds after seeing another cat on the back deck. I looked like a red and white zebra. It was awful. But I forgave him and I'm not afraid of him. Today I was but he's not well.

Shortly after this he started marking. We didn't know for a long time and that resulted in a very bad carpet spot. I did everything to get it out but it was a lost cause. This was one of the reasons we moved out of our old place. I didn't want to bring him to the new one but we did and he started marking again. We ended up putting him on an anti-anxiety medicine that has (for the most part) worked. He still does it but not nearly as often. This issue has resulted in the majority of the fights between D and I. There have been many many times when I didn't think I could handle him.
The rest of the fights are about my other cat. The two cats get along for the most part but It gets so bad in the winter that we normally need to separate them. We've been putting up with their winter wars for 9 winters now! Since Clair is using our nursery as her safe haven I've really been harping about the situation a lot. 1) I want to use that room and 2) it makes me sick that our child's room has a cat litter in it right now. The ironic thing is that he is amazing with the children. Of all the things this is what I'd always worried about and it seems it's the one thing he's been awesome with.

So, What do we do? My mother adamantly wants him put down. She knows the whole history and has been on the receiving end of many teary Frank phone calls. She knows our stress but I also have begged her to understand that i love him so much. I've already had one pet put down prematurely and I don't know if emotionally I can handle another. However, the Vet and I did not discuss Kidney Disease or the impact of a Heart Murmur. She was much more concerned that he wasn't coming out of anesthesia normally. I've since visited Dr. google and the prognosis does not look good.

From Dr. Google

Eventually the cat's attempts to compensate for the failure of its kidneys will become insufficient. As the disease gets more severe, many serious complications may result. Ulcers in the mouth and stomach, anemia, and urinary tract infections are common occurrences among cats with chronic kidney failure.

The long-term prognosis for chronic kidney failure is poor since the disease is progressive and irreversible.

Similar things popped up for Heart Murmur including the possiblity of sudden death. What should I do? Should I put him through tail amputation knowning worse things are coming? Will the amputation be any different than the suturing experience? Maybe he has lost his mind and he'll continue to act out. I just don't know. It's amazing what can happen in just a day.