The other night I had a dream that I was 3 months pregnant. The fertility clinic had called and said they had an ICI vial of mine and that I had to come and get it. I did, used it without telling anyone, and didn't know I was pregnant until testing 3 months in.
I woke up in a panic! WTH?
The first thought that popped into my head was that "we'd just decided to do a 3 year gap!!"
Had we? Further, what is up with me thinking any of this can be planned?
TTC has been a topic of discussion and something that is constantly on my mind. I'm always asking people how far apart their kids are and if they like the gap. One mom said that she couldn't even remember her second son as a newborn because it was "such a blur". That was a perfect 2 year gap. Another mom said she wished she hadn't waited 3 years because the kids have no activities in common.
D seems to be leaning towards wanting a larger gap so we can have more time to enjoy Sadie, alone. I'm starting to agree.
Other things we need to consider are work and my age.
I want to be at work for more than a year before going on leave again.
As far as age, I would like to be done with my second pregnancy by 35 (I'll be 33 in the spring).
So 3 years would work but... given our history it would be crazy to start to TTC too late. I think our plan to start in September may be spot on. We only have 6 vials - 6 tries - and then we're done.
I have an appointment January 16th with the recommended doctor at my old clinic. I guess we'll see what happens at that point!
ETA- I wrote this last night but didn't publish. I had another pregnancy dream! I was 9 months and giving birth on December 24th, into the 25th!! What does this all mean? Maybe it's because I'm thinking about last year?
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weird!! I think that years is a big gap! I agree with the other mom that said that the kids don't really enjoy the same activities. Having the close together gives them a bit more in common because of their age. In the end, I can see it either way.
ReplyDeleteIf you have your next child while Sadie is a bit older you can enjoy the newborn while Sadie is dressing up for tea parties with her 3 year old self. It will work out, either way. But, for opinion sake, I'd go for a smaller gap. Just because thats what I like. =)
I honestly don't think I could do less than 2.5 years. TTC was hell and I'm still wounded from it. Also concerned about work since I was only 4 months into a new job when I got pregnant last year. One year mat leave is awesome but isn't that great for building a career!
ReplyDeleteActually, I was only 2 months into the new job! Started in Feb and conceived April 9th!
ReplyDeleteWe really like the 2 year gap. The kids are so close now and always play together or look out for one another. They have a special bond. But they might have still had this bond had they been 3 years apart, I'm not sure.
ReplyDeleteTTC could take a while, you're right. It's such a gamble. We started with 5 vials for #3 and have 2 left so I'm hoping this try takes. I'm worried that we end up not pregnant and have to buy even more. It's not fun when you know you want/need to use the same donor but don't know how many vials you can have...
P.S. I wouldn't say the newborn phase is a blur when your older child is 2. I think it's just that you're busy and the newborn phase is pretty easy after having gone through it that it doesn't seem to be burned into your mind as much as the first time around.
ReplyDeleteI think there are advantages and disadvantages to any age gap. Kim is 3.5 years older than her brother and they hardly ever fought and are close now. But growing up, Kim hated having to go to his activities all the time and they didn't enjoy any of the same things (girl/boy probably didn't help that but she says it was the age gap too.)
ReplyDeleteI was 7 years younger than my brother and we fought like crazy when I was a kid. But once I became a teenage, we became close. We liked some of the same music, etc. And having a brother that much older meant I had a grown up to talk to who was not my parents and was way cooler than them. :) But as kids we had nothing in common.
Our kids are 2 years and 7 months apart. I remember Ian's newborn stage vividly because it was hard. He cried all the time and breastfeeding was hell. Our boys already fight and push each other around, but there are also a lot of games that they play together. I think because they're close in age it'll be easier because they can enjoy some of the same outings and activities and they'll be friends, even if it's not until they're older. Erik already gets protective of Ian sometimes, which is cute. If we speak to Ian in a stern voice he says, "Don't talk to my brother like that!"
Erik was jealous of Ian and sometimes still is. Ian also gets jealous of Erik. I think it will be a different experience with Erik if we have a third because he'll be at an age where he's excited about helping with the baby. And Ian will probably be jealous because he'll be about the same age Erik was when he was born.
Stacey and Angele's two are two years apart and are already good friends.
I think you'll find good and bad things about any age gap, so just go with whatever feels right to you. If you want to enjoy Sadie longer before adding another baby, then go for it.
My thought on this changes almost daily. There's also the
ReplyDeletefact that Sadie starts school at 3.5ish and I've been thinking about BOTH scenarios. 1) My mat leave being outside of the start of school so I have another full year with her OR 2) Sadie being in school for part of my mat leave, giving me 1 on 1 time with baby #2 so we can participate in the programs Sadie and I have enjoyed.
We'd have to be pregnant by the beginning of next December for #1 to work.
Also, I really do think that 6 tries is our limit even if there is more sperm available. The cycle we concieved cost $3000 (sperm included) so that would be 18k+ for #2 (although sperm is pre-paid). I'm also going to need to ask our new doctor but our previous had said they do not recommend more than 12 cycles per lifetime using ovaray stimulating drugs and our 6th try would be my 12th stim cycle.
Haha okay Shannon and Kim's newborn phase was different. I think in our case too, Riley was a fussier baby than Jackson. So Jackson's newborn phase was a breeze. I also believe that the co-sleeping and breastfeeding made it that much easier with him--he had no reflux or any issues that would make him cranky.
ReplyDeleteYes, you have to do what works for you. I think having just the baby home could be much easier in a lot of ways like if you want to nap or get things done, you have time when the baby sleeps whereas an active kid at home with you will keep you busy.
This has also been on my mind a lot, maybe bc chunk turns one in one week! My little baby is gone and it automatically makes me think about ttc#2. I think we will start trying again next fall/winter and who knows how long the process will tale for any of us! So, I would say chunk will probably be 2.5-3 years older than a sibling if we are blessed with a second pregnancy. No matter when it happens, it will always be perfect for your family!
ReplyDeleteWe've been thinking about this a lot lately too. I think it's the impending year birthdays. I think two years is an almost ideal gap, but I might be biased. :)
ReplyDelete