Update

I'm still here.
I'm sorry this blog is turning into such a downer but that's where I am right now. Perhaps I should blog more and it will make me feel better.
I've been having good days and bad ones. I had a really good streak of feeling amazing but then it went downhilll again. I've decided that I'm going to hit the road and travel north to see my mom. I think that 99% of my problem is that I'm lonely. Sadie and I get out to programs but it doesn't seem to keep me going like it used to. I can't even say how badly this sucks knowing that I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I clearly need people and I think I've underestimated the importance of work on my well being. I'm alone too much and I have too little to think about.
That said, I'm not excited about my eventual return because I know that I'll miss Sadie painfully. I guess this leaves me unhappy no matter what the situation is?
So I'm leaving. I'll probably be gone 2-3 weeks and maybe longer. The major aspects of our reno will happen with me blissfully unaware and Sadie's naps will not be affected by the noise! I'm hoping I I've 3G access but my mom lives on an island in northern Ontario so I'm not sure! Maybe a techno-vacation is a good idea as well?
Thank-you, everyone, for your words of support. Shannon, Stacey, Melissa, YES - hanging out/playdates sounds awesome so we'll have to plan stuff when I get back.
Donor stuff - I haven't contacted anyone regarding the DSR but I will - thank -you for helping out!

Sadie stuff:
Some quick things on my beautiful 7 month old baby!

* She's sleeping through the night now and it seems like this may be the real deal. She goes down between 7:30 and 9:30 (night owl!) and sleeps about 9- 12 hours.

*We're just getting the hang of solids. In other words, more food is now staying in than coming out! I've pretty much resorted to buying frozen organic baby food at Whole Foods. With everything going on it seems to be working the easiest. Apparently Health Canada recommends introducing protein FIRST before fruits and veggies. I had no idea and have started her (so far) on Avocado, Banana, Sweet Potato, Carrots, Pears and Blueberries. It's been a slow process that I plan on picking up now that she seems to be actually swallowing!! As for the protein ---- dear lord, help me! I have tried (fancy organic frozen) but the meat is just so frigging gross!!!

*Sadie has FOUR top teeth coming in at once!!! That is in addition to the bottom two that she already has.

*We have graduated to a convertible car seat. We bought a Britax Boulevard after much debate. I actually wanted the Britax Marathon Cowmooflage but this one had extra side impact protection and as a paranoid mother I couldn't pass it up!
I miss our bucket!!!! It's awful pulling a sleeping baby out of the car to do something like go leisure shopping. Maybe I'll spend less because of it!!

*wawawa bababababab ahhhhhhh mmmmmmm YEAH num and MOMMMMM! Sadie is finally picking up on babbling. She's a pretty quiet baby and this possibly took longer than it should have but she seems to be "talking" now!!

Ok. Boo is up now so another abrupt end to a blog entry!





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How?

How is it possible to be such a desired child who is so well behaved and still feel so unhappy?A lot of us have been sharing our struggles lately and that is mine. I'm just not happy.
So to those of you I'm ignoring -- and this message is to the general universe as well as directed at those I may owe an e-mail who are reading this-- I'm not sure why but blogging, e-mailing, talking on the phone are just difficult right now.
The good news is that I'm able to keep things going for Sadie even if I feel crappy.
It's been a while since I've posted pictures so I'll share a few.
Also - a while back (I should really tag entries) I had discussed the Donor Sibling Registry. Well my donor is now listed and I'm curious to contact the family but have no budget for joining considering our stupid house projects. I can't remember who was a member but I'm someone who was could pass on my contact info for me? Let me know and I'll provide my info.










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Home

We're in our new house now and fairly decently unpacked. Closing was hell because we had an awful lawyer!! They asked us to come back from Quebec early so we could sign paperwork on Friday (25th) for our closing on Monday (28th) but after sending 4 e-mails and calling they hadn't provided us with an appointment. We had to change our hotel reservation, find a place to stay back in Ontario and drive back early. Fortunately we didn't rush. We left Quebec Thursday morning but spent the night in Kingston, Ontario. We showed up at the Lawyers at 2:00 pm on Friday and they told us to come back Monday!! Um.. no!! We were eventually called in to sign at 6:00 pm. Thank god we waited it out because they had the wrong mortgage instructions and had we waited until Monday we could have missed closing.
That isn't even the worst of it!! Monday was no different. We had to have the mortage instructions faxed 4x before they got them and then they told us to pick up our keys at another law office which was neither in the same city as theirs nor in the same city as the house we bought! To make it even better I asked for our cheque (money leftover in our trust account) and they had no idea what I was talking about. After I reminded them of the 27k they owed us we were told to come back later in the week because they were "too busy". What?? I need to follow-up today because we need that money!
Sigh.
We have renos coming up so the chaos isnt over quite yet but at least I'm in my own bed. The wiring in this place is shit and is being replaced. It's both aluminum and a DIY disaster (we have more than one open junction box). Included in that mess are cable lines that will not support digital cable and right now I'm without wifi - therefore I'm unable to upload photos until I unpack a LAN cable.
Has anyone else bought a "fixer uper" cause right now I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed by it all! I keep asking myself if this house was worth all the hassle and money? The truth is that we did rush into buying it but we were looking for something very specific (in-law suite with private entrance) and this house had it. The previous houses we'd seen with in-law suites were awful and the seperate entrance was hard to find. This place is great because it has an interior and exterior entrance, the apartment is huge with two bedrooms and an eat-in kitchen. More on why we needed the in-law suite to come in a future entry - one I've been avoiding!
We also loved the house because it's in an older, well established neighbourhood with mature trees. We're within walking distance to the elementary-high school, public library and swimming pool. A lot can be said about that because we are now in commuter-ville where a car is essential and school buses are the norm. I'm happy Sadie will not need a school bus, will be able to walk places and not always need to be driven. The shopping in the area is also insane. People had said we'd miss Toronto because we'd find it boring here but there is so much to do and we're only a 30 minute drive from downtown Toronto. I think I'll miss my parking spot more than the condo!!
Speaking of the condo, it's so funny how much bigger our house is!! That may sound like a stupid statement (of course we bought bigger) but we didn't really realize how little space we had until we saw our stuff in the new place. Our smallest bedroom is still much bigger than our master in the condo. We literally couldn't walk around the bed there!! Even Sadies room is double the size. Her dresser no longer needs to be in her closet!
Picture post coming soon!!


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Homeless

Well, we've been homeless since Friday and so far it hasn't been that bad! I have lots of pictures to share and wil do a trip report once we're back in Ontario.
This is our last night in Mont Tremblant. We're heading home to sign paperwork on Friday and then we aren't quite sure where we'll be spending Thursday-Monday. Perhaps another hotel or with my Aunt. I wish we could have stayed in Quebec longer!!


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Moving day

... and I don't think Sadie could be MORE helpful.


I caught her chewing onthe vacuum cord. Thank god it was unplugged. She won't stay in her bouncer and she screams when I'm not holding her.
I feel like we've reached new territory here. I can no longer turn my back on her because she gets into EVERYTHING!!!
Help!!!

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I'm back..

Thank-you for your concern and kind words.
I'm feeling better, I think. At least motivated to be social.
Our condo has been sold. In the process we've caused ourselves to be homeless for 10 days since we couldn't line up our closing dates. Our ambitious real estate agent thought we'd sell in under a week so when our first offer came in 2 weeks after listing we accepted it. Did I mention we'd bought our house with no condition for the sale of our condo? Yeah, just a little bit of stress! The upside is that we're going to be spending part if our "in-between" time at Mont Tremblant in Quebec.
In PPD news, I've been to my doctor to discuss my anxiety and depression. I've been put back on the higher dose of the anti-depressant/anxiety drug I was taking pre-pregnancy. Apparently the low dose I'd been on may have been contributing to my issues since it could have been making my unbalanced levels even more unbalanced. Why this was never raised when my GP suggested the reduction I'll never know (she's on mat leave). Because of the increase, I'm no longer breastfeeding. It's been at least 3 weeks since I've stopped and AF arrived on the weekend. I'm actually kind of glad things are getting back to "normal". Hopefully all of my crazy hormones will settle.
I have so many things I want to write about but I never feel like I have the time. I want to write about how nervous the move has made me (are we doing the right thing?) or how Sadie has taken to sleeping wrapped around my arm like a koala (is co-sleeping safe when she's mobile?). I'd like to get around to posting the blog I wrote about our hospital stay back in December or the share the entry about our "must have" baby products I wrote months ago! I want to get around to everyones blogs and comment again (google reader should make commenting easier!) and I also want to increase my blogroll.
One day at a time I guess.

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Boo

I am not a happy. I don't even want to write about it. Please Please let this whole moving thing be over with soon because I'm clearly not able to cope with the stress right now. I think I may even have PPD.
I'm so sad.
I want to get back to blogging but I'm not feeling very positive right now. ):




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