My Dad

Sigh. I love him but he can be majorly ignorant and difficult to deal with. Therefore I was terrified to tell him about being pregnant and hadn't told him anything about trying. Way back when we started I had even joked about NOT telling him until 5 months or later.
My opinion on that has certainly changed because I told him last night, just shy of 5 weeks!
My decision was based on feeling the need for the support of my family and close friends - regardless of the outcome.
I called last night because my dad is looking for a car for me to buy. I'm ashamed to say it but we are going to be downtown urbanites with a car that we'll use to take us to the glorious suburbs to work (D works downtown, but I'm outside of the city) and play. It's a big step. Anyway, I was able to talk to my step-mom first and she was so excited she started to cry on the phone. I asked if she'd tell my dad but she said I should. She told me he will be so happy because his biggest fear in life was dying before having grandchildren. That really opened my eyes. I had never thought my father would mourn the loss of grandchildren because of my same sex relationship. It's sad, really. It was ignorance to assume I wouldn't have children but it also gives context to how upset he was when I told him I was gay. Maybe it wasn't just hate? I digress. My father wasn't home but he called almost immediately. I'm assuming my step-mom told him to call me ASAP. When I told him he sounded shocked and asked how I did it. I simplified things (not wanting to use the term sperm bank) and said that we used a clinic. I knew he was getting excited when he asked if we'd know the sex at our first u/s so that he could start spoiling the baby. He ended the call saying he'd need a beer to digest it all.
I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. My dad was OK with this and so was my step-mom. In fact my step-mom was THRILLED. Not 2 hours later my father calls me back and says:
"I just have to tell you I'm so exited about this. I'm so happy. I just couldn't be happier! I'm going to be a grandpa!" He also mentioned how my uncle (his best friend and referencing my cousins pregnancy) was going to be a grandfather and now he will be too. Since I'm still cautious I told him not to get too excited because it's so early. His response: But you'll try again if something happens??!!
Also, they told my brother (not so thrilled about that) and he was so excited he was apparently jumping around the house yelling "I'm going to be an uncle". At 1o years old, that's pretty cool.

Goodbye Dr. P?

Reality is starting to sink in.
I clarified with my clinic and their message that indicated "get your GP to send your referral to "The OB" and we'll send your GP your first u/s" actually meant "After your first u/s we're done with you so please tell your GP you are pregnant so you can get a referral to an OB. We'll send proof".
I'm very much ready to be pregnant but I'm not ready to leave my fertility clinic! Mommy? I want my hand held a little bit longer!

Beta #2

Thank you everyone for your comments of congratulations! I think it is finally sinking in!?! I'm still nervous and even had a bit of a scare this morning because I thought I saw spotting. There wasn't and I didn't. I'm just obsessed with staring at toilet paper and looking for deeper meaning.

Anyway...
Beta #2
18 DPO = 497

I now need my GP to fax a referral to my clinic so that their OBGYN can take over. I'm very graceful and just left a long incoherent message on my GP's reception voicemail saying I didn't want to actually go in and could they please pass the message on to my Doctor. =P We'll see how that one goes.
Next on my list will be figuring out my credit card bill. It's at about $3500 thanks to the last 2 cycles and a New Kids on the Block concert (or two). Between my tax refund and insurance claims that will be entirely paid off. I just need to file all of the claims (including taxes which are done but not in yet).

BETA

15 DPO = 150...

I have no idea what this means but the nurse said it was a good number. I'm off to google it as soon as I get some time!

Still waiting..

I am patiently (believe it or not) still waiting for my BETA results. They should be in between 12-1. I had to pick up more progesterone so the clinic already knows I expect a BFP. They were cautiously optimistic (just like I still am) and asked if I wanted 1 week or 2 weeks worth. I went with 2 weeks.
I know that even after I get the BETA # I wont fully believe this. I'll need to see a heartbeat first. Also, I don't really "feel" pregnant and I have AF like cramping. I know people always say (upon a looming BFN) that you cramp with a BFP - it's just unnerving. KWIM?

Silly Me.. 14 DPO

I thought my BETA was today, Thursday April 24th.
However since today is actually Thursday April 23rd (Damn it!) my BETA is tomorrow.
All along I've known the test was on the 24th. I'm not sure why I was so sure the 24th was a Thursday. Oh well... Another day, another p-stick.

Status Check

Time: 3:30 am
State of mind: Insanity. I feel like I'm going to throw up due to nerves.
POAS: BFP

I'm not joking about needing to throw up. I'm a nervous wreck. I don't think I can test through Thursday. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able exist through Thursday. There is absolutely no taking this for granted and it feels like every second counts. POAS this morning was torture. Why does the control line pop up so quickly and the test line tease? I nearly died sitting on the toilet holding the p-stick thinking my BFP was gone. After that I was certain it was lighter. The line eventually did pop up and it looks the same if not a wee bit darker. Will this feeling ever go away (fear and disbelief)?