I'm finally BACK IN THE GAME. Today is day 3 and we had a very enjoyable & relaxing trip to the clinic this morning.
We got there at 7:05 and I was the only person on the elevator going to my clinic. It's weird because my new clinic is in the same building as my old clinic so I knew where the other women were going. I ended up 4th on the list and was out of there by 7:30 (we had some paperwork and stuff to go over).
Reason's why I love the new clinic:
1) 4th on the list at 7:05!!!!
2) My Dr. was in the u/s room and I found out my results right away!! (No Cysts, I can start clomid tomorrow)
3) My Doctor ASKED ME IF I HAD ANY QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS. Sounds simple but my old Dr./Nurse used to give me the run around and made me feel like a loser for asking anything.
4) They had my clomid ready for me at the front desk. I thought I was just getting a prescription. Nope!
The true test is if I get pregnant of course. I'm already 1000x happier and I feel like I'm starting over as a newbie. We've taken a lot of breaks because of how upset I've been with our past experience. I really hope this makes the difference.
JDZ: Two Moms, One Toddler
Friday, February 27, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Almost Day 1, try # 8
TMI but I'm spotting so Day 1 will be tomorrow. I'm very excited for my first try with the new clinic!!! OMG - Try #8!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BIOPSY:
I went to my GP today for the biopsy of that funny looking mole. She said it looked better and that I may have cut it last time. Another round of TMI but I had to shave the area to show it to her. We went ahead with the biopsy regardless and I have a single stitch. She said that the worst case scenario would be removing it (if there were abnormal cells) and there was really nothing to worry about as far as getting pregnant and not knowing the results! That makes me feel a lot better. My blood pressure on the other hand.. is kinda high. At my physical it was 150/100 and today it was 140/100. She's not overly concerned and is not diagnosing hypertension. Back to cutting salt!!
WORK:
I started my new job on Monday and so far I'm really enjoying it. I had no idea how stressed out I felt in my old role. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders! I also really like my manager. He is hilarious!
ON A SERIOUS TOPIC:
In 2007, 90 children known to the Ontario Child welfare system died. These children were either open cases of CAS or had died within a year of their files being closed. This is so sad but I can honestly say I am not surprised at all. My nephew could have been one of those children and in my opinion CAS did not do enough to ensure he was being cared for. I have not mentioned this before but one of the reasons I called CAS this past summer was because my 3 year old nephew who is developmentally delayed and blind swallowed a bottle of pills and was rushed to the hospital to have his stomach pumped. Immediately after this incident my SIL (who was the only one with him when this happened) insisted she did not want him anymore. So many things go through my mind. For example, how long was my blind 3 year old newphew left alone for him to find a bottle of pills and to swallow the contents? Did my SIL's breaking point come before or after this incident?? At that time, there had already been a complaint to CAS about my nephew not receiving the treatment he required. To my knowledge, after the initial contact there had been no follow-up. My complaint came AFTER this incident and was the 2nd time CAS was contacted. This was when my SIL was trying to give away all 3 of her children. It took CAS 2 months to get in contact with them and do the interview. A LOT can happen to a child in 2 months!! This makes me so angry. Further, CAS promised me discretion in their questioning. BS. We now have no contact with the children.
BIOPSY:
I went to my GP today for the biopsy of that funny looking mole. She said it looked better and that I may have cut it last time. Another round of TMI but I had to shave the area to show it to her. We went ahead with the biopsy regardless and I have a single stitch. She said that the worst case scenario would be removing it (if there were abnormal cells) and there was really nothing to worry about as far as getting pregnant and not knowing the results! That makes me feel a lot better. My blood pressure on the other hand.. is kinda high. At my physical it was 150/100 and today it was 140/100. She's not overly concerned and is not diagnosing hypertension. Back to cutting salt!!
WORK:
I started my new job on Monday and so far I'm really enjoying it. I had no idea how stressed out I felt in my old role. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders! I also really like my manager. He is hilarious!
ON A SERIOUS TOPIC:
In 2007, 90 children known to the Ontario Child welfare system died. These children were either open cases of CAS or had died within a year of their files being closed. This is so sad but I can honestly say I am not surprised at all. My nephew could have been one of those children and in my opinion CAS did not do enough to ensure he was being cared for. I have not mentioned this before but one of the reasons I called CAS this past summer was because my 3 year old nephew who is developmentally delayed and blind swallowed a bottle of pills and was rushed to the hospital to have his stomach pumped. Immediately after this incident my SIL (who was the only one with him when this happened) insisted she did not want him anymore. So many things go through my mind. For example, how long was my blind 3 year old newphew left alone for him to find a bottle of pills and to swallow the contents? Did my SIL's breaking point come before or after this incident?? At that time, there had already been a complaint to CAS about my nephew not receiving the treatment he required. To my knowledge, after the initial contact there had been no follow-up. My complaint came AFTER this incident and was the 2nd time CAS was contacted. This was when my SIL was trying to give away all 3 of her children. It took CAS 2 months to get in contact with them and do the interview. A LOT can happen to a child in 2 months!! This makes me so angry. Further, CAS promised me discretion in their questioning. BS. We now have no contact with the children.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Update
It's 4:00 am and I'm completely awake. I've just spent the last hour sick to my stomach... which is entirely my fault but more on that later.
I had my follow-up with the new clinic today and it went really well. All of my tests came back normal and my diagnosis was "Fertile but unable to achieve Pregnancy after 7x IUI". She basically said there didn't seem to be a reason for me NOT to get pregnant so I guess you could say unexplained infertility? I'd prefer to say "lame ass doctor who fucked me over". Yes... I'm a bit angry. Just an FYI.
During our first appointment our new doctor (Dr. P) said that one thing she would have done differently with my last cycle was inseminate me a day earlier. It didn't really hit me last time what she'd said. This time however she went into detail and do you all remember THIS rant and THIS conclusion? The crying in the doctors office and begging to be inseminated the day before I actually was because the lab techs kept telling me I was ovulating? Well it certainly hit me today and I was almost back to those same tears!! Dr. P said that she could tell by my estrogen and Progesterone levels that I had ovulated before my first insemination and she's almost certain my 2.4 follicle on the day of the insemination was actually a cyst leftover from releasing the egg. I should add that I mentioned NOTHING about my freak out and what I had suspected on my own!!! She also said that the second insemination at 54 hours post surge according to my old clinic and 78 hours post surge based on her opinion was a complete waste!!!!! Possibly ALL of my second inseminations were done too late to be of any use! That is a couple thousand (if not more) in wasted sperm!! She also said that the Ovidrel was poorly timed!! DUH.. I can reference a few of my rants to that effect as well. Is she reading my blog??
My new protocol will be to trigger me as soon as I reach around 2.0 and my estrogen is high enough. This will ensure my insemination is timed well. She agrees that my LH surge is hard to read and that going from a 4 to a 7 for me is considered a surge. She called me a "fast ovulater" and hopes that using the trigger will help. Needless to say that is what I told my previous doctor and the reason I wanted Ovidrel in the first place!!! I'm so happy Dr. P recognized this without me telling her to look at it! I'm also sticking to 100 mg of clomid since it produces good results for me with no side effects. She had mentioned doing injectables but I've opted to stick with 2-3 more Clomid cycles with the ovidrel and better timing and once at 9-10 failed attempts we'll move DIRECTLY into IVF. I'm not going to waste my money on injectables. Let's just get this over with!!
Anyhoo... back to the sick stomach. It was NOT about this even though it could have been! Today has been interesting.. to say the least. On my way to work from my appointment I picked up 8 cupcakes for my 8 team members. A farewell gift to them on my last day. When I got to work we all decided to go out to lunch to celebrate. We ended up at this great Indian restaurant where we ate/drank (I didn't drink - damn metformin) and had a good time for a long 2 hour lunch! Afterward, we ended up at the pub across the street. Needless to say I did no work and there was no time for cupcakes. Apparently my coworkers prefer beer, not sweets!
After all of this I had plans with D to meet up and go to Structube which is a furniture store. We are looking for a new media stand. Unfortunately I had spent the afternoon in a pub drinking water and my bladder was hating me for it. After we looked around the store I HAD to find a restroom (and quickly) however knowing the area well, I knew it was not going to be easy. That's when D talked me into going to DUFF'S for buffalo wings. At this point I knew I could not eat anything else. My stomach was still full of Channa Masala yet the lure of the Duff's toilet was enough to make me agree. This is when I really did something stupid!! D ordered wings and I ate some - Medium Hot. Then when we got home I had a cupcake! So Channa Masala (Medium) + Wings (Medium-Hot) + Cupcakes = PUKING at 3:00 am. I even knew it when I was eating the wings. I said to D... I'm going to pay for this later and I have!
Final thought...I can't believe this was my last day! I don't think it has fully hit me yet!! People kept asking me if I was nervous or excited and I thought it was such a weird question.. but OMG... I no longer work in Operations... I've been there 7 years! On Monday I have a new VP, Director, Manager and TEAM. YIKES... !!!!
I had my follow-up with the new clinic today and it went really well. All of my tests came back normal and my diagnosis was "Fertile but unable to achieve Pregnancy after 7x IUI". She basically said there didn't seem to be a reason for me NOT to get pregnant so I guess you could say unexplained infertility? I'd prefer to say "lame ass doctor who fucked me over". Yes... I'm a bit angry. Just an FYI.
During our first appointment our new doctor (Dr. P) said that one thing she would have done differently with my last cycle was inseminate me a day earlier. It didn't really hit me last time what she'd said. This time however she went into detail and do you all remember THIS rant and THIS conclusion? The crying in the doctors office and begging to be inseminated the day before I actually was because the lab techs kept telling me I was ovulating? Well it certainly hit me today and I was almost back to those same tears!! Dr. P said that she could tell by my estrogen and Progesterone levels that I had ovulated before my first insemination and she's almost certain my 2.4 follicle on the day of the insemination was actually a cyst leftover from releasing the egg. I should add that I mentioned NOTHING about my freak out and what I had suspected on my own!!! She also said that the second insemination at 54 hours post surge according to my old clinic and 78 hours post surge based on her opinion was a complete waste!!!!! Possibly ALL of my second inseminations were done too late to be of any use! That is a couple thousand (if not more) in wasted sperm!! She also said that the Ovidrel was poorly timed!! DUH.. I can reference a few of my rants to that effect as well. Is she reading my blog??
My new protocol will be to trigger me as soon as I reach around 2.0 and my estrogen is high enough. This will ensure my insemination is timed well. She agrees that my LH surge is hard to read and that going from a 4 to a 7 for me is considered a surge. She called me a "fast ovulater" and hopes that using the trigger will help. Needless to say that is what I told my previous doctor and the reason I wanted Ovidrel in the first place!!! I'm so happy Dr. P recognized this without me telling her to look at it! I'm also sticking to 100 mg of clomid since it produces good results for me with no side effects. She had mentioned doing injectables but I've opted to stick with 2-3 more Clomid cycles with the ovidrel and better timing and once at 9-10 failed attempts we'll move DIRECTLY into IVF. I'm not going to waste my money on injectables. Let's just get this over with!!
Anyhoo... back to the sick stomach. It was NOT about this even though it could have been! Today has been interesting.. to say the least. On my way to work from my appointment I picked up 8 cupcakes for my 8 team members. A farewell gift to them on my last day. When I got to work we all decided to go out to lunch to celebrate. We ended up at this great Indian restaurant where we ate/drank (I didn't drink - damn metformin) and had a good time for a long 2 hour lunch! Afterward, we ended up at the pub across the street. Needless to say I did no work and there was no time for cupcakes. Apparently my coworkers prefer beer, not sweets!
After all of this I had plans with D to meet up and go to Structube which is a furniture store. We are looking for a new media stand. Unfortunately I had spent the afternoon in a pub drinking water and my bladder was hating me for it. After we looked around the store I HAD to find a restroom (and quickly) however knowing the area well, I knew it was not going to be easy. That's when D talked me into going to DUFF'S for buffalo wings. At this point I knew I could not eat anything else. My stomach was still full of Channa Masala yet the lure of the Duff's toilet was enough to make me agree. This is when I really did something stupid!! D ordered wings and I ate some - Medium Hot. Then when we got home I had a cupcake! So Channa Masala (Medium) + Wings (Medium-Hot) + Cupcakes = PUKING at 3:00 am. I even knew it when I was eating the wings. I said to D... I'm going to pay for this later and I have!
Final thought...I can't believe this was my last day! I don't think it has fully hit me yet!! People kept asking me if I was nervous or excited and I thought it was such a weird question.. but OMG... I no longer work in Operations... I've been there 7 years! On Monday I have a new VP, Director, Manager and TEAM. YIKES... !!!!
Friday, February 20, 2009
My cat is nuts!!!
Frank has taken to running out the front door when I get home so I've started taking him out to get some fresh air. The thing is he insists on standing on my shoulders/back and sitting on my backpack!
Here is a picture.. it's just too cute for words! (Sorry the picture is grainy it's a still from a Flip video).
I'm gathering my thoughts for my next post/rant about TTC...!! The appointment went REALLY well but I'm wound up about the old clinic AGAIN. Sigh.
Here is a picture.. it's just too cute for words! (Sorry the picture is grainy it's a still from a Flip video).
I'm gathering my thoughts for my next post/rant about TTC...!! The appointment went REALLY well but I'm wound up about the old clinic AGAIN. Sigh.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Here I am...or at least a version of me!
I can't believe I haven't posted since February 7th! My brain is turning into goo and I blame Metformin! Thankfully the bad side effects have gone away and I no longer feel like I'm walking sideways but I have found that I have very little desire to do anything recreational that requires thought. This includes blogging and reading!
So much has happened in the last couple of weeks. My stepmother was let go from her job (of 26 years) as part of a mass layoff that happened this morning. The recession has finally hit close to home! I honestly don't know what my parents are going to do since my father has been a SAHD for the past 10 years. The only good news is that she did get a really good package. There is time for her to look for a new job however I am doubtful she will be able to find one as lucrative as the one she has lost. This sucks. I'm not at all in the mood to celebrate my own career move at all (tomorrow is my last day in my old position).
In happier news my brother turned 10 last weekend! I spent the weekend celebrating with my family and had a really great time. He's a wee bit spoiled and had 3 birthday parties. The first party was Friday night at the pub where my brother performs. D and I made it in for the last half of the band's set and in time for the cake and some dinner. We were out of there by 8:30 and heading to our next destination. This time it was to an Irish jam session where we hung out for a couple of hours before heading home. It's sad to say but my 10 year old brother is able to stay up later than I am! I was exhausted and still had to drive home!
I've also just had my annual physical. I need to go back to my doctor for a biopsy on a mole that is looking a bit funny. D swears this mole has never changed and the doctor didn't seem overly concerned - just cautious. That's a bit of stress I don't really need so I've booked the appointment for early next week.
So much has happened in the last couple of weeks. My stepmother was let go from her job (of 26 years) as part of a mass layoff that happened this morning. The recession has finally hit close to home! I honestly don't know what my parents are going to do since my father has been a SAHD for the past 10 years. The only good news is that she did get a really good package. There is time for her to look for a new job however I am doubtful she will be able to find one as lucrative as the one she has lost. This sucks. I'm not at all in the mood to celebrate my own career move at all (tomorrow is my last day in my old position).
In happier news my brother turned 10 last weekend! I spent the weekend celebrating with my family and had a really great time. He's a wee bit spoiled and had 3 birthday parties. The first party was Friday night at the pub where my brother performs. D and I made it in for the last half of the band's set and in time for the cake and some dinner. We were out of there by 8:30 and heading to our next destination. This time it was to an Irish jam session where we hung out for a couple of hours before heading home. It's sad to say but my 10 year old brother is able to stay up later than I am! I was exhausted and still had to drive home!
The second birthday party was at laser quest with 12 of my brother's little friends. The kids had a blast but in my opinion the place was a dump. One of the kids got my brother the game "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" and my brother turned to him and said "Noooooo, I'm only in the 4th grade!!!". He's a smart ass but that WAS pretty funny!
The third and final birthday part was at the house for family and adult friends. My dad arrange an impromptu jam session for my brother so we had great entertainment! 3 birthday parties and 3 birthday cakes! Here are some pictures:
I have my follow-up appointment at the new clinic tomorrow. I'll find out my results of my recent testing however I suspect it will be pretty predictable. There has been nothing wrong in the past and I'm pretty sure they would have called me if they'd actually found something.
I'm really hoping that we come out of tomorrows meeting with a good plan. I hope the doctor will be able to give us some direction because I haven't been able to make a decision regarding Letrozole vs. Clomid. I feel like I want to try Letrozole because Clomid has not worked the 4x I've used it and it's something new to try. However Metformin is also something new. Letrozole does not produce multiple follicles. It works to create one high quality egg. It's good for people who have had side effects from Clomid like thinning of the lining however I haven't. I haven't had any Clomid side effects. We'll see what she says...!The third and final birthday part was at the house for family and adult friends. My dad arrange an impromptu jam session for my brother so we had great entertainment! 3 birthday parties and 3 birthday cakes! Here are some pictures:
Party #1:
Party #2:
Party #3
I have my follow-up appointment at the new clinic tomorrow. I'll find out my results of my recent testing however I suspect it will be pretty predictable. There has been nothing wrong in the past and I'm pretty sure they would have called me if they'd actually found something.
I've also just had my annual physical. I need to go back to my doctor for a biopsy on a mole that is looking a bit funny. D swears this mole has never changed and the doctor didn't seem overly concerned - just cautious. That's a bit of stress I don't really need so I've booked the appointment for early next week.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Fate
I know that a lot of people TTC have the opinion that there is no such thing as fate when it comes to making babies and that "everything happens for a reason" is a load of crap.
I've felt that way too but the events over the last month and a half have really changed my attitude. Maybe things do happen for a reason?
The end of this story is how I start my new job on February 20th...
The beginning of this story is how I gave up a job in June 2008 because of TTC.
I have had some regret over saying no to that job because it was a way into the IT department of my company. It was a QA Analyst role with some BSA work on the side. Loads of overtime was guaranteed however what it lacked was the flexibility and freedom I was used to. Ultimately I didn't like the idea of having a set schedule (or shift) and OT was not going to be an option. I didn't think this would work well with TTC and I also didn't think it would be fair to get pregnant and leave 9 months later.
Fast forward.... 7 months... still not pregnant and the beginning of a new year... having just come off of my 7th try after a 4 month break I decided to stop living life thinking I was going to be pregnant anytime soon. This is when the posting for a position goes up that is a perfect fit for me. I'd be still doing the same job - just being paid more! I wasn't entirely thrilled by the idea of giving up my projects but we (D and I) decided that giving up another job opportunity would be stupid.
Coincidentally the position I applied for was under the same director as the QA position I declined. When he found out I was "available" he told the manager that had offered me the position in June. Instead of another QA position he offered me (pretty much on the spot, no interview required) a role as a Business Systems Analyst/Project Manager for IT. Score!!!!! That's exactly what I wanted!
Now, back to fate... I'm glad I turned down the QA position back in June because there is no guarantee this new and better role would still have been offered. In fact, the "BSA work on the side" probably would have meant I'd be doing BSA work indefinitely without the title.
Further... had I become pregnant within the last 7 months I would have left on maternity leave from my current role and would have never had this opportunity.
It absolutely SUCKS to say that I'm not pregnant after all of this time but I am very happy that I've landed a great position. It really did fall into place because of TTC and not getting pregnant when I wanted to!!! After all, mat leave is only 1 year and I do want to go back to a job I love. Not to mention getting paid more will help with upcoming daycare costs, etc.
That all said... I'm going to get pregnant on my next cycle. I just know it! Maybe the time is finally right....
I've felt that way too but the events over the last month and a half have really changed my attitude. Maybe things do happen for a reason?
The end of this story is how I start my new job on February 20th...
The beginning of this story is how I gave up a job in June 2008 because of TTC.
I have had some regret over saying no to that job because it was a way into the IT department of my company. It was a QA Analyst role with some BSA work on the side. Loads of overtime was guaranteed however what it lacked was the flexibility and freedom I was used to. Ultimately I didn't like the idea of having a set schedule (or shift) and OT was not going to be an option. I didn't think this would work well with TTC and I also didn't think it would be fair to get pregnant and leave 9 months later.
Fast forward.... 7 months... still not pregnant and the beginning of a new year... having just come off of my 7th try after a 4 month break I decided to stop living life thinking I was going to be pregnant anytime soon. This is when the posting for a position goes up that is a perfect fit for me. I'd be still doing the same job - just being paid more! I wasn't entirely thrilled by the idea of giving up my projects but we (D and I) decided that giving up another job opportunity would be stupid.
Coincidentally the position I applied for was under the same director as the QA position I declined. When he found out I was "available" he told the manager that had offered me the position in June. Instead of another QA position he offered me (pretty much on the spot, no interview required) a role as a Business Systems Analyst/Project Manager for IT. Score!!!!! That's exactly what I wanted!
Now, back to fate... I'm glad I turned down the QA position back in June because there is no guarantee this new and better role would still have been offered. In fact, the "BSA work on the side" probably would have meant I'd be doing BSA work indefinitely without the title.
Further... had I become pregnant within the last 7 months I would have left on maternity leave from my current role and would have never had this opportunity.
It absolutely SUCKS to say that I'm not pregnant after all of this time but I am very happy that I've landed a great position. It really did fall into place because of TTC and not getting pregnant when I wanted to!!! After all, mat leave is only 1 year and I do want to go back to a job I love. Not to mention getting paid more will help with upcoming daycare costs, etc.
That all said... I'm going to get pregnant on my next cycle. I just know it! Maybe the time is finally right....
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I love my new clinic...
Since the move from 1000 mg to 1500 mg I have been feeling pretty yucky. Mostly it has been fatigue, a feeling of motion sickness and my eyes have been bothering me (feeling extremely tired and hard to focus). The last 3 or 4 days have been much worse and yesterday was unbearable. By mid afternoon I felt very lightheaded, dizzy and I was extremely confused. I felt like I was intoxicated.
D and I figured it was time to let my doctor know (I was a bit afraid she’d say to stop when I do want to continue). Anyway, I e-mailed the nurse and 8 minutes later I received a phone call saying that she had spoken with the Dr. and I was fine to continue with the full 1500 mg dose. She suggested that it was just taking longer for my system to process the higher dose. She also said that I could drop back down to 1000 mg if that made me more comfortable.
I’m going to try to drink more water because I’ve been drinking a lot less over the last bit and I’m also going to try to spread the pills out a bit further apart.
I have my follow-up appointment on the 20th so I want to stay on the full dose until at least then. I also have my annual physical with my GP next week and I can mention it to her.
Speaking of my physical… it was supposed to be tomorrow but I have my job interview for the new position. I had to cancel it. When I called in the receptionist said she didn’t think I could get an appointment until March!!! My appointment is now scheduled for next week because I was “lucky” and a student doctor would be in and they wanted patients for pap smears and physicals so she could practice. I have no shame left in me and I don't really care who pokes around me anymore. So yes, I am having my physical done in a teaching environment with my GP supervising a student!
D and I figured it was time to let my doctor know (I was a bit afraid she’d say to stop when I do want to continue). Anyway, I e-mailed the nurse and 8 minutes later I received a phone call saying that she had spoken with the Dr. and I was fine to continue with the full 1500 mg dose. She suggested that it was just taking longer for my system to process the higher dose. She also said that I could drop back down to 1000 mg if that made me more comfortable.
I’m going to try to drink more water because I’ve been drinking a lot less over the last bit and I’m also going to try to spread the pills out a bit further apart.
I have my follow-up appointment on the 20th so I want to stay on the full dose until at least then. I also have my annual physical with my GP next week and I can mention it to her.
Speaking of my physical… it was supposed to be tomorrow but I have my job interview for the new position. I had to cancel it. When I called in the receptionist said she didn’t think I could get an appointment until March!!! My appointment is now scheduled for next week because I was “lucky” and a student doctor would be in and they wanted patients for pap smears and physicals so she could practice. I have no shame left in me and I don't really care who pokes around me anymore. So yes, I am having my physical done in a teaching environment with my GP supervising a student!
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