I took a HPT this morning because I woke up itching to do it. I wanted to make sure the Ovidrel was out of my system so I could get a BFP and know it was true!
On my last cycle I took it 48 hours post HCG trigger and got a BFN with a $1 test. Now, 6 DPO, I took a FRER HPT and got a BFP. It's really faint like my chemical in July. 6 DPO is way too early. This is evil! That bloody test was supposed to be a negative!
Maybe this happened becuase I was using a $1 store test last time? It seems like anyone who has gotten a BFP from a FRER is also able to get one from a $1 test. I was shocked last time to not see a BFP so early on... that was the point of testing 48 hours after the shot.
UGHHHHH!! Now the TWW is going to be brutal! I'm going to be going to dollarama tonight to stock up on enough tests to last me from now until the 25th.
JDZ: Two Moms, One Toddler
Monday, March 16, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Dealing with other people being pregnant
I've noticed that throughout this process I have gained a sort of a pregnancy clairvoyance. I have a great degree of accuracy in predicting other people getting pregnant weeks before they announce. It's become somewhat of a joke at work.
The preggo ladies at my work come in 2 lucky flavours:
1) Doe-eyed newlyweds who are pregnant before their newly built homes have grass planted (We got pregnant on the first night of our honeymoon!!)
2) Those having previously been "living in sin" only to marry to legitimize their intended pregnancy
Returning to work (under both categories) pregnant with #2 after the year long maternity leave is also becoming extremely predictable.
I find that I am not a jealous TTC'er and I think that is a really good thing. Adding envy and jealousy into the mix of emotions would not work for me. I'm sad that our "plans" have all been shit on but I do not begrudge anyone else for getting pregnant when I haven't. Especially since I'm taking it slow. If I said to you we'd tried 24x over the past 2 years (since our first clinic appointment) I may have a different opinion but the reality is, in the last 9 months, we've only tried 2x.
The thing is... and the point to this later in the night rambly post... is that I'm good with it. D is not. I'm finding she's getting really bitter and sad at other people getting pregnant. Today was her co-workers last day at work. She came back from mat leave preggo. As it happens, she's gotten pregnant and will have given birth twice since our first try.
This has lead D to come up to bed saying her "heart was hurting" because of "another pregnancy" (waking me up). Sometimes Facebook is not your friend when you have these feelings. I don't think D can handle anyone else announcing pregnancy over their Facebook status. It sucks. It also sucks when we're in the mall and D sees a lesbian couple with a child and/or baby and says she "fucking hates them".
This breaks my heart because in the real world outside of TTC it is D that is way stronger than I am in every aspect. There is just something about this that his breaking her down and there isn't anything I can do except get pregnant to fix it. This sucks. A lot.
The preggo ladies at my work come in 2 lucky flavours:
1) Doe-eyed newlyweds who are pregnant before their newly built homes have grass planted (We got pregnant on the first night of our honeymoon!!)
2) Those having previously been "living in sin" only to marry to legitimize their intended pregnancy
Returning to work (under both categories) pregnant with #2 after the year long maternity leave is also becoming extremely predictable.
I find that I am not a jealous TTC'er and I think that is a really good thing. Adding envy and jealousy into the mix of emotions would not work for me. I'm sad that our "plans" have all been shit on but I do not begrudge anyone else for getting pregnant when I haven't. Especially since I'm taking it slow. If I said to you we'd tried 24x over the past 2 years (since our first clinic appointment) I may have a different opinion but the reality is, in the last 9 months, we've only tried 2x.
The thing is... and the point to this later in the night rambly post... is that I'm good with it. D is not. I'm finding she's getting really bitter and sad at other people getting pregnant. Today was her co-workers last day at work. She came back from mat leave preggo. As it happens, she's gotten pregnant and will have given birth twice since our first try.
This has lead D to come up to bed saying her "heart was hurting" because of "another pregnancy" (waking me up). Sometimes Facebook is not your friend when you have these feelings. I don't think D can handle anyone else announcing pregnancy over their Facebook status. It sucks. It also sucks when we're in the mall and D sees a lesbian couple with a child and/or baby and says she "fucking hates them".
This breaks my heart because in the real world outside of TTC it is D that is way stronger than I am in every aspect. There is just something about this that his breaking her down and there isn't anything I can do except get pregnant to fix it. This sucks. A lot.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Why?
... did I wait so long to leave my old Clinic?
Seriously!
I feel so good about try #8. The entire experience has been amazing... Night and Day compared to how I had been treated in the past. All of the stress and manic behavior was GONE.
In the past I have always gone into a frenzy of "missing ovulation" or "ruining a perfect try". I think I've come to accept that for the most part (I've had a couple of shiteous cycles), I respond well to Clomid and there will always be another try. That definitely happened this time because my cycle was pretty much identical to the one in December.
Seriously!
I feel so good about try #8. The entire experience has been amazing... Night and Day compared to how I had been treated in the past. All of the stress and manic behavior was GONE.
In the past I have always gone into a frenzy of "missing ovulation" or "ruining a perfect try". I think I've come to accept that for the most part (I've had a couple of shiteous cycles), I respond well to Clomid and there will always be another try. That definitely happened this time because my cycle was pretty much identical to the one in December.
The new clinic is a bit vague on the phone and only provides my Estrogen and instructions for the next day (I found out follicle size and count in the morning). I liked not knowing my LH. It gave me one less thing to worry about. That said, I was curious to know if I was already surging when I was called in for my IUI on Tuesday. I found out that I had surged that morning (my LH was 33) so that means my timing was exactly what the dr. and I had discussed. I was inseminated the day before I would have been on my last cycle.
December cycle: LH 28, Injection of Ovidrel (Day of LH surge), 24 hours prior to IUI.
March cycle: LH 33, Injection of Ovidrel (Day before LH surge), 19 hours prior to IUI.
I feel really good about this timing. This was what I had wanted in December and it is exactly how we planned this cycle. I'm blown away by it all.
As for my IUI, I had a bit of a surprise. Dr. P really was MIA. My IUI was done at my OLD clinic by one of their doctors!! At first I was worried (specfically about running into Nurse Ratched) but then I found out which doctor and was OK with it.
Aside from the cycle being short and near perfect the IUI really summed up the experience. I met my nurse on our floor and she took me upstairs for the procedure. I was happy to see that I didn't have to sit in the main seating area because I really was avoiding Nurse R. No such luck. I saw her and she scowled at me. D (who was not there) said she doubted she was scowling directly at me. I agree. Someone else probably asked her a question. Seeing her ugly face made me realize that she is a miserable bitch and I really shouldn't have put up with her as long as I had.
I digress.
The IUI went very well. This specific doctor has her own procedure room. The room was very relaxing with meditation music and dimmed lights. I was able to warm up the sperm in my hand which I thought was really special (and a first). The nurse told me that it helps for the sperm to be "nice and warm" and that body heat is the best way to warm up the sample. Interesting point. In the past I'm certain there have been times when the sperm was still semi-frozen because of how cold it felt going in. Anyway.... I was also able to see the sperm under the microscope (only second time).
MAJOR points for the Doctor. She asked if she'd met me before. When I said "yes" she asked if she'd done my sono. YES! She had. In April 2007!! Talk about a good memory. Crazy, huh? I was so impressed! She is the doctor I wish I'd had at my clinic.
I digress, again.
My nurse stayed in the room for my IUI and held my arm! My heart mealted. She was so nice to me!
After the procedure was done the Dr. told me to rub her fertility goddess. I took a picture because I thought it was pretty cool and wanted to show D.
Hopefully all of these good things equal a BFP on March 25th!!
December cycle: LH 28, Injection of Ovidrel (Day of LH surge), 24 hours prior to IUI.
March cycle: LH 33, Injection of Ovidrel (Day before LH surge), 19 hours prior to IUI.
I feel really good about this timing. This was what I had wanted in December and it is exactly how we planned this cycle. I'm blown away by it all.
As for my IUI, I had a bit of a surprise. Dr. P really was MIA. My IUI was done at my OLD clinic by one of their doctors!! At first I was worried (specfically about running into Nurse Ratched) but then I found out which doctor and was OK with it.
Aside from the cycle being short and near perfect the IUI really summed up the experience. I met my nurse on our floor and she took me upstairs for the procedure. I was happy to see that I didn't have to sit in the main seating area because I really was avoiding Nurse R. No such luck. I saw her and she scowled at me. D (who was not there) said she doubted she was scowling directly at me. I agree. Someone else probably asked her a question. Seeing her ugly face made me realize that she is a miserable bitch and I really shouldn't have put up with her as long as I had.
I digress.
The IUI went very well. This specific doctor has her own procedure room. The room was very relaxing with meditation music and dimmed lights. I was able to warm up the sperm in my hand which I thought was really special (and a first). The nurse told me that it helps for the sperm to be "nice and warm" and that body heat is the best way to warm up the sample. Interesting point. In the past I'm certain there have been times when the sperm was still semi-frozen because of how cold it felt going in. Anyway.... I was also able to see the sperm under the microscope (only second time).
MAJOR points for the Doctor. She asked if she'd met me before. When I said "yes" she asked if she'd done my sono. YES! She had. In April 2007!! Talk about a good memory. Crazy, huh? I was so impressed! She is the doctor I wish I'd had at my clinic.
I digress, again.
My nurse stayed in the room for my IUI and held my arm! My heart mealted. She was so nice to me!
After the procedure was done the Dr. told me to rub her fertility goddess. I took a picture because I thought it was pretty cool and wanted to show D.
Hopefully all of these good things equal a BFP on March 25th!!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Um... Puke
Morning sickness sucks.
Morning sickness without being pregnant sucks a lot!!!!!
Last time I triggered I didn't have any symptoms. This time.... sick stomach. I've been up since 4:00 am and I'm partially panicking about the fact that I need to go to the clinic again this morning. I am soooo tired. I feel like I can't do this.
I finally gave up on sleeping even though I'm exhausted and I'm watching a Tivo'd episode of Degrassi the Next Generation. At 5:00 am.
I think I'm going to call in sick.
I do not like having an upset stomach. I know that sounds stupid because who does? I'm saying I really do not like it to the point of an upset stomach turning into a bad panic attack. I've found that in the last year every episode of feeling sick has turned into me throwing up and having a panic attack about being pregnant. As soon as I feel better I want to be pregnant again yet while I'm sick I don't want it at all. My nerves are shot. This is happening way more than I'd like to admit.
I am terrified of morning sickness (the real deal). I keep telling myself there are meds you can take to make it better but I'm still worried. I am not going to be one of those brave ladies who say "they love every minute of it" because they are "just happy to be pregnant". I'm probably going to get a BFP and then start a 9 month panic attack. Not because this isn't what I want but because that's how I am. I've hid this until now because I do not want anyone to think I do not want to be pregnant or that I'm ungrateful. When I got my BFP in July that is what happened. I didn't have feelings of joy or happiness. I had feelings of complete terror and regret. It's a very confusing feeling to know that you want something so badly but your body betrays you with feelings like this.
Morning sickness without being pregnant sucks a lot!!!!!
Last time I triggered I didn't have any symptoms. This time.... sick stomach. I've been up since 4:00 am and I'm partially panicking about the fact that I need to go to the clinic again this morning. I am soooo tired. I feel like I can't do this.
I finally gave up on sleeping even though I'm exhausted and I'm watching a Tivo'd episode of Degrassi the Next Generation. At 5:00 am.
I think I'm going to call in sick.
I do not like having an upset stomach. I know that sounds stupid because who does? I'm saying I really do not like it to the point of an upset stomach turning into a bad panic attack. I've found that in the last year every episode of feeling sick has turned into me throwing up and having a panic attack about being pregnant. As soon as I feel better I want to be pregnant again yet while I'm sick I don't want it at all. My nerves are shot. This is happening way more than I'd like to admit.
I am terrified of morning sickness (the real deal). I keep telling myself there are meds you can take to make it better but I'm still worried. I am not going to be one of those brave ladies who say "they love every minute of it" because they are "just happy to be pregnant". I'm probably going to get a BFP and then start a 9 month panic attack. Not because this isn't what I want but because that's how I am. I've hid this until now because I do not want anyone to think I do not want to be pregnant or that I'm ungrateful. When I got my BFP in July that is what happened. I didn't have feelings of joy or happiness. I had feelings of complete terror and regret. It's a very confusing feeling to know that you want something so badly but your body betrays you with feelings like this.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Day 13 - Update
I'm so exhausted and so lazy with blogging lately.
We're just so busy and this was an especially insane weekend. We had so many things planned plus we had to go to the clinic Friday/Saturday/Sunday and Monday. Thankfully, tomorrow is our insemination. Getting up early on a regular day is one thing but getting up early when the time changes is just.... horrible.
Things at the new clinic have been OK. We haven't seen Dr. P since Day 3. I have a very vague recollection of her telling us she'd be on vacation in March. That must be the case because another doctor has been reviewing our files.
I'm not entirely pleased with this because I think they've waited too long once again to trigger me. I feel like if Dr. P was there, knowing my history, she would have done it differently. Anyway, I was called this afternoon and told my insemination would be tomorrow and that I should see the nurse for my HSG shot in the morning (5 hours before IUI)!! I'm not sure what my LH is right now (if I'm surging or not) because they haven't been telling me. I do know that my estrogen is high and my follicles are 1.9 and 2.2. Thankfully I was being my skeptical self this weekend and picked up my Ovidrel. I e-mailed the nurse and she promptly replied telling me I could use it on my own. Have I mentioned "Thankfully"? I took it at 5:00 pm (19 hours before IUI).
I'm feeling OK about this. I'm positive I ovulate quickly so I'm ok that my IUI is before 24-36 hours. I would NOT have been ok if it had been 5 hours after the trigger. The concept of doing the insemination 36 hours post LH surge has not worked so maybe this will be of some use. I'm hoping that the Clomid, Metformin, Ovidrel and ultrasound guided IUI will help. According to the clinic's website, they have 50% higher IUI success rate and claim that the guided ultrasound allows the sperm to be released with greater precision.
We'll see what happens!
BFP?
BFP?
We're just so busy and this was an especially insane weekend. We had so many things planned plus we had to go to the clinic Friday/Saturday/Sunday and Monday. Thankfully, tomorrow is our insemination. Getting up early on a regular day is one thing but getting up early when the time changes is just.... horrible.
Things at the new clinic have been OK. We haven't seen Dr. P since Day 3. I have a very vague recollection of her telling us she'd be on vacation in March. That must be the case because another doctor has been reviewing our files.
I'm not entirely pleased with this because I think they've waited too long once again to trigger me. I feel like if Dr. P was there, knowing my history, she would have done it differently. Anyway, I was called this afternoon and told my insemination would be tomorrow and that I should see the nurse for my HSG shot in the morning (5 hours before IUI)!! I'm not sure what my LH is right now (if I'm surging or not) because they haven't been telling me. I do know that my estrogen is high and my follicles are 1.9 and 2.2. Thankfully I was being my skeptical self this weekend and picked up my Ovidrel. I e-mailed the nurse and she promptly replied telling me I could use it on my own. Have I mentioned "Thankfully"? I took it at 5:00 pm (19 hours before IUI).
I'm feeling OK about this. I'm positive I ovulate quickly so I'm ok that my IUI is before 24-36 hours. I would NOT have been ok if it had been 5 hours after the trigger. The concept of doing the insemination 36 hours post LH surge has not worked so maybe this will be of some use. I'm hoping that the Clomid, Metformin, Ovidrel and ultrasound guided IUI will help. According to the clinic's website, they have 50% higher IUI success rate and claim that the guided ultrasound allows the sperm to be released with greater precision.
We'll see what happens!
BFP?
BFP?
Monday, March 2, 2009
Day 6
My December cycle feels like a blur. Did it really happen? I feel like I've been on a REALLY long break.
I was sitting at work today sorting through e-mails when I saw one from OHS (supplier for xytex) and all of a sudden I realized I'd forgotten to place the order for this cycle! Thankfully I remembered today! Seriously, what's wrong with me??? I forgot the sperm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've rented a car for this weekend (Thurs- Mon, 4 days) so that I can drive to the clinic and work. Realistically I'm within walking distance to the clinic but I'm so sick of the cold! Cold + early mornings = Painful. I'm also booked for a sweedish massage on Saturday! I'm going to be so relaxed!
I was sitting at work today sorting through e-mails when I saw one from OHS (supplier for xytex) and all of a sudden I realized I'd forgotten to place the order for this cycle! Thankfully I remembered today! Seriously, what's wrong with me??? I forgot the sperm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've rented a car for this weekend (Thurs- Mon, 4 days) so that I can drive to the clinic and work. Realistically I'm within walking distance to the clinic but I'm so sick of the cold! Cold + early mornings = Painful. I'm also booked for a sweedish massage on Saturday! I'm going to be so relaxed!
Weekend in the closet
Literally.
Our project this weekend was to organize our storage closet. We live in a condo so our closet is our garage. I didn't take a "before, before" shot because it was pretty embarrassing. Let's just say you couldn't open the door! Here is the "before" shot after we cleaned out all of the crap (we have so much stuff to donate).
Here is the "after" shot. We painted the walls brown and added new shelves on the bottom. The floor of the closet was not flat because it is above a stairwell. The shelving levels it out.
Our reward for finishing the closet was to go out to dinner. We decided to only spend the money we found while cleaning (surprisingly quite a lot) and that made digging through old bags and coats a treasure hunt. I'm glad this boring project is out of the way!
Our project this weekend was to organize our storage closet. We live in a condo so our closet is our garage. I didn't take a "before, before" shot because it was pretty embarrassing. Let's just say you couldn't open the door! Here is the "before" shot after we cleaned out all of the crap (we have so much stuff to donate).
Here is the "after" shot. We painted the walls brown and added new shelves on the bottom. The floor of the closet was not flat because it is above a stairwell. The shelving levels it out.
Our reward for finishing the closet was to go out to dinner. We decided to only spend the money we found while cleaning (surprisingly quite a lot) and that made digging through old bags and coats a treasure hunt. I'm glad this boring project is out of the way!
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