A position was posted at work that caught my eye and I've decided to apply. It's pretty much the same job I have now but at a different pay level. This means both a higher base salary and an increased yearly bonus. I spoke to my manager and she said I was "perfect for it" and "will probably get it".
I'm trying to move on with my life. Last year I was approached for a job and turned it down. At the time I was fully engrossed in the project I was leading but I ultimately said no because I thought that if I got pregnant it wouldn't be fair to my new manager to need to re-hire in 9 months.
It sucks. I feel like I'm walking around with an expiry date. We could use this boost in income to help with our IVF expenses so I'm not going to think about getting pregnant. We'll just see what happens.
We're also re-claiming our spare room that was meant to be the nursery and making it a den. I had cleaned it out in August 2007 in preparation for our first try. We gave the furniture that was in there (bedroom set and desk) to my MIL and the room has been sitting empty ever since. I was so eager when we started that I repainted the entire condo before our first try. I had all of our ducks in a row because I wanted everything to be done before I got pregnant.
So silly. So naive.
Our first appointment at the new clinic is on Tuesday. My current clinic has provided me with a copy of my file (at a cost of $56 plus tax) that I'll be picking up Monday morning. Needless to say I'm looking forward to getting a second opinion! However... I did find out that my new clinic uses my old clinic's facilities for egg retrieval and transfers. Great! As long as I do not have to encounter my doctor again I'll be OK with that.
JDZ: Two Moms, One Toddler
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
New York City - Thursday - Friday
Thursday December 18 - Day 1
I am very grateful to have left Toronto on the 18th since the 19th was dreadful weather (in both NY and Toronto). We made it into the city around 10:00 pm and easily found our hotel after I forced our GPS to take us into the city via the George Washington Bridge, Harlem River Drive and down the FDR. It worked out well up until we tried to get parking when my instinct to ditch the car immediately failed me. I should have known entering the extremely steep ramp that we were in trouble. The pricing was marked halfway down the ramp and indicated $48/24 hour period. Parking in NYC is pretty much all valet and you are going to pay dearly for it but $48 was as steep as the ramp we were on. When we got to the bottom (backing up was impossible) I asked the attendant what the price would be for 24 hours and after he looked at my plates (Ontario) he said $55. WTH? Much to his misfortune I am not that stupid. After an 18 point turn I hauled my car back up the rocket launch onto 51st street determined to find "resonable" parking. Fortunately the next lot up the road offered a discount from our hotel and was only $30/ 24 hour period. Note to self: Always park at icon.
We stayed at th
e The Pod Hotel which has intrigued me since it first opened. We've stayed at their other location, Townhouse, when we were in Miami a couple of years ago and loved it. I knew going in that this was a budget hotel and hostel masquerading as a boutique hotel but I chose to ignore this fact. We paid $99/night which got us a 100 sq/foot room with a bunkbed and a shared bath. I'm not going to complain over $99/night but I need to point out that every other time I've looked at staying at this hotel the rate has been between $170 and $190 for this very room. Yeah right!!!!!
We continued into Times Square and to our favourite Times Square restaurant, Juniors. This place has the best Grilled Cheese sandwich (ever) as well as some great onion rings. Yummy.
At this point we were exhausted and had to get back to our hotel-jail... immediately. I knew it wasn't possible to arrive in NYC and NOT go out but fun has its limits after driving for 8 hours. D
Here are some pictures of the SAKS 5th Ave window that we shot while walking back to the hotel:
Friday December 19 - Day 2
Friday was wet, cold and blustery yet we were able to get around to most of our target sight seeing locations. We started off the day by heading over to Bloomingdale's to check out the windows.
Afterward we hit up all of the places "30 somethings" go to when in NYC: FAO Schwartz, World of Disney, Toys R Us, American Girl Place and Santaland at Macy's. Yes, we are children.
Santaland was pretty cool although it was very busy. Santaland has more than one Santa hidden behind doors that you are escorted to by an elf (which worked really well for adults who don't want to be seen actually sitting on Santa's knee). I'm not sure how many there were but we saw at least 3 doors. I can only imagine the cash they are making. For $18 we got one 5x7 photo!!
World of Disney:
American Girl Place:
Macy's:
After a day in toy stores we went to go see Harry Potter bare all in Equus. The play was good albeit dark and somewhat depressing. As for "Harry Potter's Magic Wand"... we saw way more magic wand than we had expected. He was running around on stage for 10 minutes completely naked.
Once again by the time we were heading back to our "Pod" we were completely beat however this didn't stop us from snooping around the New York Palace hotel. I wish we'd stayed there! It was gorgeously decorated for Christmas:
I am very grateful to have left Toronto on the 18th since the 19th was dreadful weather (in both NY and Toronto). We made it into the city around 10:00 pm and easily found our hotel after I forced our GPS to take us into the city via the George Washington Bridge, Harlem River Drive and down the FDR. It worked out well up until we tried to get parking when my instinct to ditch the car immediately failed me. I should have known entering the extremely steep ramp that we were in trouble. The pricing was marked halfway down the ramp and indicated $48/24 hour period. Parking in NYC is pretty much all valet and you are going to pay dearly for it but $48 was as steep as the ramp we were on. When we got to the bottom (backing up was impossible) I asked the attendant what the price would be for 24 hours and after he looked at my plates (Ontario) he said $55. WTH? Much to his misfortune I am not that stupid. After an 18 point turn I hauled my car back up the rocket launch onto 51st street determined to find "resonable" parking. Fortunately the next lot up the road offered a discount from our hotel and was only $30/ 24 hour period. Note to self: Always park at icon.
We stayed at th
e The Pod Hotel which has intrigued me since it first opened. We've stayed at their other location, Townhouse, when we were in Miami a couple of years ago and loved it. I knew going in that this was a budget hotel and hostel masquerading as a boutique hotel but I chose to ignore this fact. We paid $99/night which got us a 100 sq/foot room with a bunkbed and a shared bath. I'm not going to complain over $99/night but I need to point out that every other time I've looked at staying at this hotel the rate has been between $170 and $190 for this very room. Yeah right!!!!!We settled into our room quickly and then decided to hit the town to grab dinner. We walked up 51st and were soon at Rockefeller Center. It did not disappoint. The decorations were beautiful and the tree was amazing. Saks was the highlight of perhaps all of the Christmas decorations we saw. This is not my video but I found several on Youtube:
We continued into Times Square and to our favourite Times Square restaurant, Juniors. This place has the best Grilled Cheese sandwich (ever) as well as some great onion rings. Yummy.
At this point we were exhausted and had to get back to our hotel-jail... immediately. I knew it wasn't possible to arrive in NYC and NOT go out but fun has its limits after driving for 8 hours. D
Here are some pictures of the SAKS 5th Ave window that we shot while walking back to the hotel:
Friday December 19 - Day 2
Friday was wet, cold and blustery yet we were able to get around to most of our target sight seeing locations. We started off the day by heading over to Bloomingdale's to check out the windows.
Afterward we hit up all of the places "30 somethings" go to when in NYC: FAO Schwartz, World of Disney, Toys R Us, American Girl Place and Santaland at Macy's. Yes, we are children.
Santaland was pretty cool although it was very busy. Santaland has more than one Santa hidden behind doors that you are escorted to by an elf (which worked really well for adults who don't want to be seen actually sitting on Santa's knee). I'm not sure how many there were but we saw at least 3 doors. I can only imagine the cash they are making. For $18 we got one 5x7 photo!!
World of Disney:
American Girl Place:
Macy's:
After a day in toy stores we went to go see Harry Potter bare all in Equus. The play was good albeit dark and somewhat depressing. As for "Harry Potter's Magic Wand"... we saw way more magic wand than we had expected. He was running around on stage for 10 minutes completely naked.
Once again by the time we were heading back to our "Pod" we were completely beat however this didn't stop us from snooping around the New York Palace hotel. I wish we'd stayed there! It was gorgeously decorated for Christmas:
New York City - Saturday
Saturday December 20th - Day 3
Saturday was FREEZING. I have never felt so cold in my life. D and I ran from stop to stop
trying to avoid the cold as much as we could. Thankfully in the morning it wasn't that bad. We went down to Union Square to check out the Christmas Market as well as try to pick up our tickets to Fuerza Bruta. Unfortunately the theatre was closed until 1:00 pm but we did have other things to go see and do. We went to Max Brenner: Chocolate by the Bald Man which is a chocolate cafe. We opted out of having a chocolate lunch but did return later in the day to buy a chocolate cake and chocolate syringe (pictured below).
We also went to Strand Bookstore which boasts 18 miles of books. D bought a bunch of books (that we had to carry around). We could have spent a couple of hours in there. Maybe another time!
Once back in the cold - and it was now freezing - we decided that we'd see a show in the afternoon. Score!! D and I have a very different opinion when it comes to Broadway shows. Although we are equally fans her opinion is that we should see a couple of shows while in NYC. My opinion is that we should see a show in every available time slot!
We went down to Soho and to Lombardi's for lunch and debated what show we'd see. I wanted to see Spring Awakening but D insisted on something (anything) else because we'd already seen it 3x. Ultimately I gave her the choice and when we got to TKTS she chose Mary Poppins. We could have purchased tickets to pretty much anything and all at 50% off. It is not everyday that the Disney productions are available at a discount!
Overall Marry Poppins was good. It was neat to see inside the New Amsterdam theatre again after seeing The Lion King 1o years ago. The Mary Poppins set was possibly the most elaborate I have ever seen. Best of all we were warm, inside and out of the cold.
Around this point I was deeply regretting my decision to purchase tickets to the 10:00pm showing of Fuerza Bruta. We started to head back to the hotel the longest way possible. We went across to Bryant Park to see their tree and Christmas Market.
Bryant Park:
We also stopped by Garrett's popcorn so I could get some Garrett Mix (cheese and caramel popcorn mixed) - this was my dinner. We rested and ate popcorn for a couple of hours before heading back out.
Fuerza Bruta was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I had so much fun. Even D had fun and she did not want to go to the show after seeing their other production De La Guarda (which terrified her). The show is a bit like a rave with very loud music and ceiling of water. It is so hard to describe. Instead I'll post pictures:
Skip down one post to read about Sunday!
Saturday was FREEZING. I have never felt so cold in my life. D and I ran from stop to stop
trying to avoid the cold as much as we could. Thankfully in the morning it wasn't that bad. We went down to Union Square to check out the Christmas Market as well as try to pick up our tickets to Fuerza Bruta. Unfortunately the theatre was closed until 1:00 pm but we did have other things to go see and do. We went to Max Brenner: Chocolate by the Bald Man which is a chocolate cafe. We opted out of having a chocolate lunch but did return later in the day to buy a chocolate cake and chocolate syringe (pictured below).
We also went to Strand Bookstore which boasts 18 miles of books. D bought a bunch of books (that we had to carry around). We could have spent a couple of hours in there. Maybe another time!Once back in the cold - and it was now freezing - we decided that we'd see a show in the afternoon. Score!! D and I have a very different opinion when it comes to Broadway shows. Although we are equally fans her opinion is that we should see a couple of shows while in NYC. My opinion is that we should see a show in every available time slot!
We went down to Soho and to Lombardi's for lunch and debated what show we'd see. I wanted to see Spring Awakening but D insisted on something (anything) else because we'd already seen it 3x. Ultimately I gave her the choice and when we got to TKTS she chose Mary Poppins. We could have purchased tickets to pretty much anything and all at 50% off. It is not everyday that the Disney productions are available at a discount!
Overall Marry Poppins was good. It was neat to see inside the New Amsterdam theatre again after seeing The Lion King 1o years ago. The Mary Poppins set was possibly the most elaborate I have ever seen. Best of all we were warm, inside and out of the cold.
Around this point I was deeply regretting my decision to purchase tickets to the 10:00pm showing of Fuerza Bruta. We started to head back to the hotel the longest way possible. We went across to Bryant Park to see their tree and Christmas Market.
Bryant Park:
We also stopped by Garrett's popcorn so I could get some Garrett Mix (cheese and caramel popcorn mixed) - this was my dinner. We rested and ate popcorn for a couple of hours before heading back out.
Fuerza Bruta was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I had so much fun. Even D had fun and she did not want to go to the show after seeing their other production De La Guarda (which terrified her). The show is a bit like a rave with very loud music and ceiling of water. It is so hard to describe. Instead I'll post pictures:
Skip down one post to read about Sunday!
Monday, January 5, 2009
On Break
I couldn't do it.
I had to call the clinic today but thinking about it while showering this morning made me feel so sick. I don't want to go back there. Ever.
D agreed that we could sit out this cycle as planned and let the Metformin marinate another month.
It seems so childish that I hate my clinic so much that I feel ill at the thought of going back. The truth is I do not hate my clinic as a whole. I think my RE did not manage us properly and I think the cycle monitoring nurse has absolutely no compassion. I have not even received the results from my bloodwork for PCOS. I called my doctor and her receptionist informed me that Dr. XX had reviewed the results and I could start my Metformin - she'd mail me the prescription. I have never been diagnosed. This is how things work with my Doctor. Call the receptionist, leave a message, get a message back that the Dr. reviewed (whatever) and that a prescription/new protocol was in the mail. By doing this I was able to order bloodwork, start clomid, increase clomid, etc. all without seeing my Doctor. In fact of the 11 IUI I have had my RE has performed 1! And it hurt more than any of the other IUI combined!
Sigh.
Hopefully the new clinic will make the difference.
I had to call the clinic today but thinking about it while showering this morning made me feel so sick. I don't want to go back there. Ever.
D agreed that we could sit out this cycle as planned and let the Metformin marinate another month.
It seems so childish that I hate my clinic so much that I feel ill at the thought of going back. The truth is I do not hate my clinic as a whole. I think my RE did not manage us properly and I think the cycle monitoring nurse has absolutely no compassion. I have not even received the results from my bloodwork for PCOS. I called my doctor and her receptionist informed me that Dr. XX had reviewed the results and I could start my Metformin - she'd mail me the prescription. I have never been diagnosed. This is how things work with my Doctor. Call the receptionist, leave a message, get a message back that the Dr. reviewed (whatever) and that a prescription/new protocol was in the mail. By doing this I was able to order bloodwork, start clomid, increase clomid, etc. all without seeing my Doctor. In fact of the 11 IUI I have had my RE has performed 1! And it hurt more than any of the other IUI combined!
Sigh.
Hopefully the new clinic will make the difference.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
New York City - Sunday
Sunday December 21 - Day 4
Our last day.
After seeing the 10:00pm show the night before we had to get up early to go and see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. Radio City was beautiful and the show was excellent. We'd already seen the Rockettes when they came to Toronto and there wasn't a huge difference between the shows. Some of the staging was different but otherwise it was the same show. What we really wanted was to see the show in NYC because we wanted to see inside Radio City Music Hall. Here are some pictures:
After the show we went back to our hotel and packed up to leave. The trip home was pretty awful (14 hours) because there was a lot of blowing snow. I think I've learned my lesson about planning trips in December. We've had good luck other years but apparently not this year. Overall we had a really good mini-vacation. I'm glad we saw the shows (especially Equus and Fuerza Bruta) and we had never seen the holiday decorations. NYC is beautiful at Christmas.
Next up will be a trip to Walt Disney World over the holidays!!
Our last day.
After seeing the 10:00pm show the night before we had to get up early to go and see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. Radio City was beautiful and the show was excellent. We'd already seen the Rockettes when they came to Toronto and there wasn't a huge difference between the shows. Some of the staging was different but otherwise it was the same show. What we really wanted was to see the show in NYC because we wanted to see inside Radio City Music Hall. Here are some pictures:
After the show we went back to our hotel and packed up to leave. The trip home was pretty awful (14 hours) because there was a lot of blowing snow. I think I've learned my lesson about planning trips in December. We've had good luck other years but apparently not this year. Overall we had a really good mini-vacation. I'm glad we saw the shows (especially Equus and Fuerza Bruta) and we had never seen the holiday decorations. NYC is beautiful at Christmas.
Next up will be a trip to Walt Disney World over the holidays!!
Friday, January 2, 2009
More Sperm
I purchased 3 vials of my donor today. There were 4 available on Tuesday when I had originally heard back. Oh well. I don't really want to swoop in and buy out their stock but I also do not want to be forced into a situation where I need to switch donors again.
So there you have it. 3 vials. An odd number if I'm doing 2 IUI per cycle. This has made me think about doing a single unmedicated insemination in January. Of course, this all depends on if my clinic will accept me for the cycle starting on CD5. I've been thinking I'll re-work that and tell them my Day 1 was today (Friday) to make Monday CD4. If I'm not taking medication I don't think it really matters what my actual start date was and AF started yesterday evening.
That said - do I really want to put myself through another cycle at my old clinic? Or do a cycle without medication? Do I really care what I think I should do and will I do whatever I want anyway?
I think I need to drop down to 1 insemination regardless so this should be good for the 3 tries right up to IVF (if need be).
I think I've talked myself into it. I want to do one last cycle in January.... I'm a sucker for punishment.
Note: I had previously mentioned that I was thinking about reverting to donor #2 but he doesn't seem to be available anymore. I'm so glad I was able to buy more of donor #4.
It almost looks like he's been pulled. There is only 1 entry for the DSR for him (just came up recently) so it's not like I can see a bunch of other pregnancies out there. This is a vast contrast to my previous 2 donors who became unavailable. They have several listings on the DSR. I wonder what's up with that??
ETA: Apparently this is due to a reported "Abnormal Pregnancy" which is being investigated. Wow... that hits close to home. I was worried there was a reason like this behind his removal.
So there you have it. 3 vials. An odd number if I'm doing 2 IUI per cycle. This has made me think about doing a single unmedicated insemination in January. Of course, this all depends on if my clinic will accept me for the cycle starting on CD5. I've been thinking I'll re-work that and tell them my Day 1 was today (Friday) to make Monday CD4. If I'm not taking medication I don't think it really matters what my actual start date was and AF started yesterday evening.
That said - do I really want to put myself through another cycle at my old clinic? Or do a cycle without medication? Do I really care what I think I should do and will I do whatever I want anyway?
I think I need to drop down to 1 insemination regardless so this should be good for the 3 tries right up to IVF (if need be).
I think I've talked myself into it. I want to do one last cycle in January.... I'm a sucker for punishment.
Note: I had previously mentioned that I was thinking about reverting to donor #2 but he doesn't seem to be available anymore. I'm so glad I was able to buy more of donor #4.
It almost looks like he's been pulled. There is only 1 entry for the DSR for him (just came up recently) so it's not like I can see a bunch of other pregnancies out there. This is a vast contrast to my previous 2 donors who became unavailable. They have several listings on the DSR. I wonder what's up with that??
ETA: Apparently this is due to a reported "Abnormal Pregnancy" which is being investigated. Wow... that hits close to home. I was worried there was a reason like this behind his removal.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Day 1 2009
Day 1 of the New Year and my cycle.
Monday is Day 5. That would be the first day I could call in my Day 1 and I'm assuming the clinic will not be doing any u/s and b/w until Tuesday, Day 6. Damn it! So close to fitting a try into January.
D and I had a long talk today because I have been in a terrible mood for days. She thinks this is becoming all consuming and I am begrudging her for not experiencing TTC from my point of view. I think I am fully consumed by TTC because it is fully consuming. I also think that a part of me does begrudge her for being the one that gets to be on the sideline. She may be disapointed that we're not pregnant yet but I'm the one that is not pregnant. I'm the one that has failed us 8x over. This all started because D was upset that I mentioned TTC when we were at our Basketball game last night. Is it my fault that the family who sat in front of us had a tiny baby with them? What do you think I'm going to think when I have to spend 2+ hours with a 4 month old? Yeah, I'm going to think about TTC. I'm going to think about going to Raptors games with our baby. I'm going to ask if I should buy and store vials of our donor or if I should try to fit a cycle in this month. Yes... I absolutely am thinking of nothing but babies.
Sigh. Yay 2009.
I can say that I'm happy 2008 is over but to be honest I would only be truly happy right now if I knew 2009 would be the year I'd give birth. With only 2 tries left to make that happen it worries me that we'll have to wait until 2010.
Sorry for downer blog after downer blog. I'm feeling pretty crappy.
Monday is Day 5. That would be the first day I could call in my Day 1 and I'm assuming the clinic will not be doing any u/s and b/w until Tuesday, Day 6. Damn it! So close to fitting a try into January.
D and I had a long talk today because I have been in a terrible mood for days. She thinks this is becoming all consuming and I am begrudging her for not experiencing TTC from my point of view. I think I am fully consumed by TTC because it is fully consuming. I also think that a part of me does begrudge her for being the one that gets to be on the sideline. She may be disapointed that we're not pregnant yet but I'm the one that is not pregnant. I'm the one that has failed us 8x over. This all started because D was upset that I mentioned TTC when we were at our Basketball game last night. Is it my fault that the family who sat in front of us had a tiny baby with them? What do you think I'm going to think when I have to spend 2+ hours with a 4 month old? Yeah, I'm going to think about TTC. I'm going to think about going to Raptors games with our baby. I'm going to ask if I should buy and store vials of our donor or if I should try to fit a cycle in this month. Yes... I absolutely am thinking of nothing but babies.
Sigh. Yay 2009.
I can say that I'm happy 2008 is over but to be honest I would only be truly happy right now if I knew 2009 would be the year I'd give birth. With only 2 tries left to make that happen it worries me that we'll have to wait until 2010.
Sorry for downer blog after downer blog. I'm feeling pretty crappy.
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