"Bleh" describes how I feel.
I went to the clinic for 12:30 and when put in the room waiting for the Doctor I started to cry so hard. I sat there crying and crying.
When she finally came in I was a wreck. My LH was 28 which means I'm surging now. She said I could take my Ovidrel right away (which I did) and I was told to go back in tomorrow for my first IUI. I may end up doing 2 since I have the extra vial.
Do you ever have a cycle where you think it's so good you better not fuck it up? This is the first time I've had such great follicles. The last two cycles were almost canceled because I performed so badly and had cysts.
As I cried to my Doctor "I just want this time to work so badly" but doesn't everyone? She tried to make me feel better by telling me one of her Lesbian couples just got pregnant. Yeah, that didn't make me feel all that great. I know it's possible for Lesbian couples to get pregnant. I just want to know why this one (ME) can't! I had really hoped that triggering would help. I'm not even sure it matters now since I've surging on my own.
Sigh.
I'm going to go and try to relax now... which means I'm going to sleep.
JDZ: Two Moms, One Toddler
Friday, December 12, 2008
I hate this process
I think I may have said that a few times.
So I go in today and the woman at the blood lab who knows me pretty well since this is my 9th monitored cycle asked if "today was the day" . When I said no she looked puzzled and told me my LH went up yesterday. Following this the u/s tech told me she could tell I was about to ovulate because of fluid build up. She asked if it was my day for my IUI and when I said no she suggested I talk to the nurse.
Can anyone really blame me for being so confused? I'm on the verge of tears. Here comes the TTC hysteria again.
Luckily the doctor who is performing the IUI appointments today is my doctor. I talked to the nurse (I think she hates me) and asked if I could sign-up to speak with the doctor and see my results. She said I could so I'm going back at 12:30. The last thing I want to hear is that my LH is high and go in tomorrow to see that I've ovulated.
On one hand I do not want to do this because I feel like I shouldn't be questioning authority. I feel like I could mess up my cycle by not trusting them. On the other hand I think it can't hurt to at least ask the questions and see my results. After all, I have reason to be worried because they have missed my ovulation in the past so I know it can happen.
I also ordered a second vial of sperm which is on the road RIGHT NOW to arrive at my clinic at 11:00 am. Therefore if my LH is high today, I'll inseminate, trigger and go back in for a second IUI tomorrow. Even if my LH is low today and I decided to trigger and go in tomorrow I will not regret having the second vial. This was the last unit they had on hand for this donor and if this cycle does not work I'll want to try with him again anyway so we'll just send it back and store it. It's a win-win situation in my opinion.
I've also decided that this is the last try at this clinic. I had thought about switching doctors but I already have a referral to a second clinic. For the longest time I kept talking myself into thinking it's not so bad but then I get into a cycle and want to trust them and I get mixed signals. There is a huge barrier at this clinic between patient and doctor. You ask your doctor a question and they say they can't answer it because your file is with cycle monitoring, you ask the cycle monitoring nurse a question and she tells you to speak to your doctor.
I think I need a smaller setting so I've switched to a clinic that is not "cattle call". I've heard good things about it. It may cost more but at this point I do not care. How can you put a price tag on trust and comfort? I e-mailed them today and asked for an appointment in the new year. I am not saying this cycle is a write-off because I do not think it is. Really, it's another win-win situation. I either get pregnant and cancel the consultation or I get to go to a new clinic by my next cycle.
So I go in today and the woman at the blood lab who knows me pretty well since this is my 9th monitored cycle asked if "today was the day" . When I said no she looked puzzled and told me my LH went up yesterday. Following this the u/s tech told me she could tell I was about to ovulate because of fluid build up. She asked if it was my day for my IUI and when I said no she suggested I talk to the nurse.
Can anyone really blame me for being so confused? I'm on the verge of tears. Here comes the TTC hysteria again.
Luckily the doctor who is performing the IUI appointments today is my doctor. I talked to the nurse (I think she hates me) and asked if I could sign-up to speak with the doctor and see my results. She said I could so I'm going back at 12:30. The last thing I want to hear is that my LH is high and go in tomorrow to see that I've ovulated.
On one hand I do not want to do this because I feel like I shouldn't be questioning authority. I feel like I could mess up my cycle by not trusting them. On the other hand I think it can't hurt to at least ask the questions and see my results. After all, I have reason to be worried because they have missed my ovulation in the past so I know it can happen.
I also ordered a second vial of sperm which is on the road RIGHT NOW to arrive at my clinic at 11:00 am. Therefore if my LH is high today, I'll inseminate, trigger and go back in for a second IUI tomorrow. Even if my LH is low today and I decided to trigger and go in tomorrow I will not regret having the second vial. This was the last unit they had on hand for this donor and if this cycle does not work I'll want to try with him again anyway so we'll just send it back and store it. It's a win-win situation in my opinion.
I've also decided that this is the last try at this clinic. I had thought about switching doctors but I already have a referral to a second clinic. For the longest time I kept talking myself into thinking it's not so bad but then I get into a cycle and want to trust them and I get mixed signals. There is a huge barrier at this clinic between patient and doctor. You ask your doctor a question and they say they can't answer it because your file is with cycle monitoring, you ask the cycle monitoring nurse a question and she tells you to speak to your doctor.
I think I need a smaller setting so I've switched to a clinic that is not "cattle call". I've heard good things about it. It may cost more but at this point I do not care. How can you put a price tag on trust and comfort? I e-mailed them today and asked for an appointment in the new year. I am not saying this cycle is a write-off because I do not think it is. Really, it's another win-win situation. I either get pregnant and cancel the consultation or I get to go to a new clinic by my next cycle.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
More bitching
I'm really upset that my IUI is not tomorrow. I don't understand the point of the trigger if they're going to wait for my LH surge anyway? If I ovulate before Saturday I'm going to be really pissed off because this was a perfect try. Two great follicles!! Ugh.
THIS is the reason that I wanted to use a known donor. It's the only way you can have access to sperm outside of a fertility clinic in Canada and the only way to have any control over the process.
THIS is the reason that I wanted to use a known donor. It's the only way you can have access to sperm outside of a fertility clinic in Canada and the only way to have any control over the process.
For crying out loud...
Why won't they let me trigger?????
I just got my results and my LH is 6, Estrogen 1452, follicles 2.0 Right, 2.0 Left.
WTH!!! Tomorrow is my 6th day in a row at the clinic and I'm exhausted.
Am I missing something or isn't the point of the Ovidrel trigger to induce ovulation in the absence of an LH surge? My follicles are 2.0 cm!! What's the problem?
I am so annoyed.
Also, my LH is known to skyrocket out of nowhere. LH 6 is a jump from LH4. That is an indication it is starting to rise.
Once again... for crying out loud!!!
I just got my results and my LH is 6, Estrogen 1452, follicles 2.0 Right, 2.0 Left.
WTH!!! Tomorrow is my 6th day in a row at the clinic and I'm exhausted.
Am I missing something or isn't the point of the Ovidrel trigger to induce ovulation in the absence of an LH surge? My follicles are 2.0 cm!! What's the problem?
I am so annoyed.
Also, my LH is known to skyrocket out of nowhere. LH 6 is a jump from LH4. That is an indication it is starting to rise.
Once again... for crying out loud!!!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
And we keep on monitoring....
I have my Ovidrel in hand and I wish they had told me to use it today. By the sounds of it they are going to trigger me tomorrow. I'm certain I'm close to surging on my own so I'm hoping that will show in my b/w tomorrow and I'll trigger just to ensure both follies pop. I have a 1.9 follicle on the left and right. Twins, baby, twins! That would be too funny after all these months of stress that I'd get pregnant with twins. I think we'd be done and I'd be OK with that!
D is sick and I'm starting to feel like I'm coming down with something too. I hope I get it ASAP if I'm going to. I don't want a bug to interfere with NYC.
In other topics, Christmas Shopping - I'm now officially done.
I had to buy my brother a couple of "fun" things to add to his gift. I bought him Guitar Hero for Nintendo DS after giving up on Lego since it is so expensive. I also got him a Crayola Star Wars colour explosion kit and the book Guitar Heaven which tells you about different guitars and who has made them famous. I already had a couple of shirts and a Star Wars reference guide.
I bought D a few things as well but I'm not going to post that on here because she may be reading!! Of course we're not supposed to be buying presents but I'm ignoring that!
D is sick and I'm starting to feel like I'm coming down with something too. I hope I get it ASAP if I'm going to. I don't want a bug to interfere with NYC.
In other topics, Christmas Shopping - I'm now officially done.
I had to buy my brother a couple of "fun" things to add to his gift. I bought him Guitar Hero for Nintendo DS after giving up on Lego since it is so expensive. I also got him a Crayola Star Wars colour explosion kit and the book Guitar Heaven which tells you about different guitars and who has made them famous. I already had a couple of shirts and a Star Wars reference guide.
I bought D a few things as well but I'm not going to post that on here because she may be reading!! Of course we're not supposed to be buying presents but I'm ignoring that!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Results
I'm not surging. My LH was only 4 today and my lead follicle is 1.9 cm. It drives me nuts when the u/s techs make comments because I'm a worrier. The one piece of advice that really irks me is when people tell me to "relax" and let it happen. Anyone going through this knows there is nothing relaxing about ttc using a fertility clinic. That said my 4 month TTC vacation has rejuvinated me and I am taking things more in stride. When I went to speak with my RE's receptionist to ask about the trigger shot I did not freak out. When she told me to speak to the cycle monitoring nurse I decided to leave. I left because I knew that seeing the nurse wouldn't get me anywhere and it wasn't wort the stress. Well lo and behold guess what the nurse instructed me over voice mail this afternoon? She told me to pick up my Ovidrel tomorrow so that I have it for when I'm instructed to use it. This is pretty much proof that they are NOT on top of things. My questioning this morning clearly woke someone up because Ovidrel has been on my protocol for 3 cycles and this is the first time I've been given any instructions. I told D that if this is another BFN we really need to go to a different clinic. I know it's going to be a pain to transfer my file and start over again but the place I'm at is a lost cause. Needless to say I will not be sending them a baby picture to put up as a success story. A poopy diaper, maybe.
O.M.G.
This morning really sucked. I told D I wasn’t in the mood to jockey for a spot on the elevator before 7:00 am so we decided to arrive at 7:00 am instead (when the clinic opens). That meant I’d be about 12th on the list and need to wait about 30 min to get in for my u/s. The women at my clinic are early risers and usually get there well before the clinic opens. So we get there at about 7:05 and the fire alarm is ringing and it’s clear that nobody has made it upstairs. The lobby was packed! We waited and waited and waited until we were told at 7:30 that it would be another half an hour. By this point the lobby was overflowing with hormonal women with blackberry/cells in hand that were typing away and calling their offices saying they’d be late. Naturally when the elevators finally started working everyone wanted to be the first on.
In the end it seemed like the fertility gods were on my side. When I finally got upstairs to the clinic the sign-up sheet for u/s was not on the u/s desk so everyone was running to the blood lab. Since blood takes about 5 min and u/s about 15 I waited to sign-up for the u/s first. Lucky thing I did because I was top 10 on the u/s list and top 20 for blood work. I got into both in a reasonable amount of time and was out of there by 8:30.
As for my u/s, it caused me stress. The tech asked if I was having my IUI today. I hate when they do that! Of course I now think I’m going to ovulate before my IUI. I’m trying to stay calm. I bet I won’t be having a trigger shot again this cycle. I’m pretty sure my call today will tell me I’m surging and my IUI will be tomorrow. Darn it all.
In the end it seemed like the fertility gods were on my side. When I finally got upstairs to the clinic the sign-up sheet for u/s was not on the u/s desk so everyone was running to the blood lab. Since blood takes about 5 min and u/s about 15 I waited to sign-up for the u/s first. Lucky thing I did because I was top 10 on the u/s list and top 20 for blood work. I got into both in a reasonable amount of time and was out of there by 8:30.
As for my u/s, it caused me stress. The tech asked if I was having my IUI today. I hate when they do that! Of course I now think I’m going to ovulate before my IUI. I’m trying to stay calm. I bet I won’t be having a trigger shot again this cycle. I’m pretty sure my call today will tell me I’m surging and my IUI will be tomorrow. Darn it all.
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