The car we have this week is a 2008 Yaris sedan - how appropriate. Although we've driven the hatchback numerous times (it's one of our zipcar choices) this is our first time with the sedan. We were surprised how the trunk space on the sedan really makes up for what the hatchback is lacking and we are enjoying the car.
As for my mom and her new hatchback, what can you do? I wish she'd bought a car with a little more CAR but since she's happy I didn't say anything other than "congratulations".
As for us, since we have a car we've been doing "car things" like going to the drive-in and shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond - which isn't in Downtown Toronto. Having a car makes me feel like I need to leave and go to the burbs. I know there will be a trip to Vaughan Mills. I know it's coming.
We went to visit my parents yesterday. My dad is obsessed with me moving home. We even toured a house that was for sale around the corner from him. He said that he thought his neighbour would be selling soon and said I could move next door to him. I'm not sure how well that would go over when we need to take in my mother after she's spent all her money and needs to move back. I'm sure my step-mom would love that!
The house around the corner (a better distance) was pretty nice. It's a split level with 3 bedrooms and a huge yard attached to my brothers elementary school playground. It needs work to rescue it from the 70's but it had tons of potential like exposed brick walls, a new kitchen and a wood burning fireplace. I love my dad's neighbourhood and living around the corner from him would have a lot of perks - like his hot tub and pool! Unfortunately this is not something we can do right now. We've been talking a lot about moving back but it won't work if we both continue to work in Toronto. We'd need to start looking for jobs first. I tried to explain this to my father but he didn't get it. He doesn't get how little we pay for transportation right now. If we were to commute we would need to pay $700/month in GO fare, I would need to still pay TTC ($100), and we'd need a car. We'd essentially be paying a $1000 more per month and would have less time at home since we'd be spending so much time commuting. Sorry, but that doesn't make sense at all. D spent one summer commuting to Toronto when she was in University and she said it was pure hell. I'd have to agree and say it doesn't sound like fun at all.
So we have a desire to move closer to family but it would mean a drastic change since it would involve finding new work. We'll have to see. I think I'll start looking and see what I find.
JDZ: Two Moms, One Toddler
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Seriously?
I think the Yaris is an adorable car but the hatchback version is crazy small. What was she thinking?
I hope its heavy enough to stay firmly put on the road this winter and she's not going to land herself in a ditch - or worse. The Yaris (IMHO) is a city car. You do not own it in the north where winter weather is harsh and roads are not cleared. I hope this works out for her!
Winter at my mothers (Above).
Friday, October 10, 2008
Moving on...
I started deleting and then I stopped. Taking away the things I've written won't change the fact that they've happened and I need to vent somewhere.
I need to move on..
I need to move on..
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Life can be unfair
On our way home from the vet last night D and I decided to take the TTC instead of a cab. I'm certain Frank enjoyed this because he was very curious and looking all around as we were outside.
While waiting for the street car a "homeless looking" man came up to us and asked if we could spare money or ttc fare. We said no because we always do. We live downtown and this happens every single day.
It was raining out (a light drizzle) and already dark when the Street car came. The man who had asked us for money boarded and presented a transfer to the operator which the operator refused. He asked if he could look and see if he had fare and the driver impatiently agreed. We saw the man search through his bag and go back to the driver and say he didn't have any money. The driver told him he'd have to exit the streetcar at the next stop.
I felt awful so I gave him a token. He thanked us over and over saying that he needed to get to Bloor and Spadina (we caught the streetcar at Broadview) and we really helped him out. He was a very sweet man but he looked like he'd had a hard life. I guess the TTC cannot allow people to ride transit for free but with the current rates it is becoming a privilege people cannot afford.
Well, it turns out the Streetcar operator was a hypocritical bastard. When we got to Sherbourne (3rd stop before subway) a clean-cut University type guy boarded and asked if he could "pay at the station". In other words, travel on the street car for free. Did the Operator even think twice? No. He said "sure, pay at the station". life can be unfair, point #1. Let the homeless guy out in the rain but let the preppy guy ride for free. I don't care if it was 3 blocks vs. 30. If you're going to be a hard ass at least be consistent.
Life can be unfair point #2, D and I were just discussing the issue with her brother and CAS. Unless I've heard the conversation first hand it's very hard to get clear answers over what she's discussed with her mother. Apparently CAS was very hard on her brother and said he was an unfit parent. This is extremely ironic considering my complaint to CAS did center around my SIL wanting to give up the kids. I said many times that I thought my BIL was in a bad situation because he was not getting help from his wife who worked nights while the kids were at home (they are in daycare during the day) and that he was overwhelmed but wanted to keep them. There are TWO parents in that household and if one is being called unfit they should both be accused. Or I guess because my SIL spends her time at work (double shifts, even weekends) and sleeping when the children are home she can't be considered the unfit parent because she's not actually there to parent - but she is the mother so that's automatically more important.
I am in no way defending some of the stupid things my BIL has done because he does show poor judgment at times however my point to CAS should not have made this about him. He is never going to be able to defend himself the way he should because his wife is sweet and quiet and would quite easily be able to use that to her defense. My BIL on the other hand can be completely stunned and as previously mentioned can show poor judgment and/or say stupid things.
This is officially a disaster. I don't know what we can say to make it better because we've made the situation worse.
Isn't it great when people pass judgments before understanding the real situation?
While waiting for the street car a "homeless looking" man came up to us and asked if we could spare money or ttc fare. We said no because we always do. We live downtown and this happens every single day.
It was raining out (a light drizzle) and already dark when the Street car came. The man who had asked us for money boarded and presented a transfer to the operator which the operator refused. He asked if he could look and see if he had fare and the driver impatiently agreed. We saw the man search through his bag and go back to the driver and say he didn't have any money. The driver told him he'd have to exit the streetcar at the next stop.
I felt awful so I gave him a token. He thanked us over and over saying that he needed to get to Bloor and Spadina (we caught the streetcar at Broadview) and we really helped him out. He was a very sweet man but he looked like he'd had a hard life. I guess the TTC cannot allow people to ride transit for free but with the current rates it is becoming a privilege people cannot afford.
Well, it turns out the Streetcar operator was a hypocritical bastard. When we got to Sherbourne (3rd stop before subway) a clean-cut University type guy boarded and asked if he could "pay at the station". In other words, travel on the street car for free. Did the Operator even think twice? No. He said "sure, pay at the station". life can be unfair, point #1. Let the homeless guy out in the rain but let the preppy guy ride for free. I don't care if it was 3 blocks vs. 30. If you're going to be a hard ass at least be consistent.
Life can be unfair point #2, D and I were just discussing the issue with her brother and CAS. Unless I've heard the conversation first hand it's very hard to get clear answers over what she's discussed with her mother. Apparently CAS was very hard on her brother and said he was an unfit parent. This is extremely ironic considering my complaint to CAS did center around my SIL wanting to give up the kids. I said many times that I thought my BIL was in a bad situation because he was not getting help from his wife who worked nights while the kids were at home (they are in daycare during the day) and that he was overwhelmed but wanted to keep them. There are TWO parents in that household and if one is being called unfit they should both be accused. Or I guess because my SIL spends her time at work (double shifts, even weekends) and sleeping when the children are home she can't be considered the unfit parent because she's not actually there to parent - but she is the mother so that's automatically more important.
I am in no way defending some of the stupid things my BIL has done because he does show poor judgment at times however my point to CAS should not have made this about him. He is never going to be able to defend himself the way he should because his wife is sweet and quiet and would quite easily be able to use that to her defense. My BIL on the other hand can be completely stunned and as previously mentioned can show poor judgment and/or say stupid things.
This is officially a disaster. I don't know what we can say to make it better because we've made the situation worse.
Isn't it great when people pass judgments before understanding the real situation?
The S#IT has hit the fan
Yep. It has.
But first I need to say that Frank had his stitches removed tonight and he's doing great! The Dr. said we are extremely lucky because this kind of injury usually results in amputation. He said the next 4 days will be crucial so we need to make sure Frank doesn't lick or bite the wound. Hes' back in the cone.
Now the bad news.
CAS finally did a home visit and boy is my SIL angry. We're now officially cut off from the kids. Honestly, it took so long for this to happen that I thought it wasn't going to. The feedback so far is that she is FURIOUS with us and she knows we called because "the questions they asked made it obvious". They think we did this to get the kids. Not true. I guess she's forgetting that we called when she was was trying to get rid of them herself.
Honestly, I feel the call was justified. I called because I was worried that they were taking drastic actions (trying to give up all of the their children) in an escalating fashion. Of course, CAS asked why they'd want to give up their kids. I then said what our concerns were and what had happened. etc. etc.
There are things that I am not going to get into on here that I felt were an issue enough to mention and D and I both agreed we should call. I have no regrets.
I guess this explains why we cannot get in contact with them at all this week.
But first I need to say that Frank had his stitches removed tonight and he's doing great! The Dr. said we are extremely lucky because this kind of injury usually results in amputation. He said the next 4 days will be crucial so we need to make sure Frank doesn't lick or bite the wound. Hes' back in the cone.
Now the bad news.
CAS finally did a home visit and boy is my SIL angry. We're now officially cut off from the kids. Honestly, it took so long for this to happen that I thought it wasn't going to. The feedback so far is that she is FURIOUS with us and she knows we called because "the questions they asked made it obvious". They think we did this to get the kids. Not true. I guess she's forgetting that we called when she was was trying to get rid of them herself.
Honestly, I feel the call was justified. I called because I was worried that they were taking drastic actions (trying to give up all of the their children) in an escalating fashion. Of course, CAS asked why they'd want to give up their kids. I then said what our concerns were and what had happened. etc. etc.
There are things that I am not going to get into on here that I felt were an issue enough to mention and D and I both agreed we should call. I have no regrets.
I guess this explains why we cannot get in contact with them at all this week.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Donor Stress Part 2
I'm still not 100% confident in our choice to use a KD. Although I want the advantage of free sperm and no clinic I'm also really nervous when I think about the potential issues we'll face in the future. Our Anonymous donor is ID release. We'll be able to tell our child(ren) they will receive information about their Donor when they turn 18. They'll also know things like what he looks like (from his childhood photo), his occupation, how many siblings he has and what nationality he is. These things all seem weak when you think that's the ONLY information you'll be able to provide but the alternative for us is even worse (ironically). Using a known donor who is anonymous means we won't even be able to tell our child the nationality he is because that would give away too much information.
I really wish this wasn't so difficult. I told D tonight that I'd like to try our last Anonymous Donor again because he got me pregnant (albeit chemical) on my last try. Maybe he's our lucky guy and it will work again.
It's amazing that at one point I thought we had things all worked out with my BIL and I was afraid I was pregnant by a "stranger". Maybe I've watched too much Oprah (I haven't really, I can't stand her) but I'm so worried that we are making such life altering decisions. I'm so worried about how our child will feel and at the same time worried about how we'll feel. KD or Anonymous donor, I'm not sure who wins. Will our child have more peace of mind growing up with an anonymous donor ID release donor or an anonymous known (to us only) donor?
I really wish this wasn't so difficult. I told D tonight that I'd like to try our last Anonymous Donor again because he got me pregnant (albeit chemical) on my last try. Maybe he's our lucky guy and it will work again.
It's amazing that at one point I thought we had things all worked out with my BIL and I was afraid I was pregnant by a "stranger". Maybe I've watched too much Oprah (I haven't really, I can't stand her) but I'm so worried that we are making such life altering decisions. I'm so worried about how our child will feel and at the same time worried about how we'll feel. KD or Anonymous donor, I'm not sure who wins. Will our child have more peace of mind growing up with an anonymous donor ID release donor or an anonymous known (to us only) donor?
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Donor Stress
I'm on CD3... and I'm thinking about trying this cycle. I just don't know what to do about our donor issue.
BIL is no longer our donor although we have an option for another KD who wishes to remain anonymous "always & forever" so I can't really say much about him. I'm not so happy about that because if this person is in our life our kid may figure out who he is and that will be an awful situation... this person may not be so bright but that's possibly giving away a lot.
I'd go back to the sperm bank and the clinic but D is being pretty stubborn about the money.
I'm stuck in the middle.
I can't believe we're on try #7.
BIL is no longer our donor although we have an option for another KD who wishes to remain anonymous "always & forever" so I can't really say much about him. I'm not so happy about that because if this person is in our life our kid may figure out who he is and that will be an awful situation... this person may not be so bright but that's possibly giving away a lot.
I'd go back to the sperm bank and the clinic but D is being pretty stubborn about the money.
I'm stuck in the middle.
I can't believe we're on try #7.
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