Seriously?

Seriously.. My mother just called and told me she bought a 2008 Yaris hatchback.
I think the Yaris is an adorable car but the hatchback version is crazy small. What was she thinking?
I hope its heavy enough to stay firmly put on the road this winter and she's not going to land herself in a ditch - or worse. The Yaris (IMHO) is a city car. You do not own it in the north where winter weather is harsh and roads are not cleared. I hope this works out for her!
Winter at my mothers (Above).

Moving on...

I started deleting and then I stopped. Taking away the things I've written won't change the fact that they've happened and I need to vent somewhere.

I need to move on..

Life can be unfair

On our way home from the vet last night D and I decided to take the TTC instead of a cab. I'm certain Frank enjoyed this because he was very curious and looking all around as we were outside.
While waiting for the street car a "homeless looking" man came up to us and asked if we could spare money or ttc fare. We said no because we always do. We live downtown and this happens every single day.
It was raining out (a light drizzle) and already dark when the Street car came. The man who had asked us for money boarded and presented a transfer to the operator which the operator refused. He asked if he could look and see if he had fare and the driver impatiently agreed. We saw the man search through his bag and go back to the driver and say he didn't have any money. The driver told him he'd have to exit the streetcar at the next stop.
I felt awful so I gave him a token. He thanked us over and over saying that he needed to get to Bloor and Spadina (we caught the streetcar at Broadview) and we really helped him out. He was a very sweet man but he looked like he'd had a hard life. I guess the TTC cannot allow people to ride transit for free but with the current rates it is becoming a privilege people cannot afford.
Well, it turns out the Streetcar operator was a hypocritical bastard. When we got to Sherbourne (3rd stop before subway) a clean-cut University type guy boarded and asked if he could "pay at the station". In other words, travel on the street car for free. Did the Operator even think twice? No. He said "sure, pay at the station". life can be unfair, point #1. Let the homeless guy out in the rain but let the preppy guy ride for free. I don't care if it was 3 blocks vs. 30. If you're going to be a hard ass at least be consistent.
Life can be unfair point #2, D and I were just discussing the issue with her brother and CAS. Unless I've heard the conversation first hand it's very hard to get clear answers over what she's discussed with her mother. Apparently CAS was very hard on her brother and said he was an unfit parent. This is extremely ironic considering my complaint to CAS did center around my SIL wanting to give up the kids. I said many times that I thought my BIL was in a bad situation because he was not getting help from his wife who worked nights while the kids were at home (they are in daycare during the day) and that he was overwhelmed but wanted to keep them. There are TWO parents in that household and if one is being called unfit they should both be accused. Or I guess because my SIL spends her time at work (double shifts, even weekends) and sleeping when the children are home she can't be considered the unfit parent because she's not actually there to parent - but she is the mother so that's automatically more important.
I am in no way defending some of the stupid things my BIL has done because he does show poor judgment at times however my point to CAS should not have made this about him. He is never going to be able to defend himself the way he should because his wife is sweet and quiet and would quite easily be able to use that to her defense. My BIL on the other hand can be completely stunned and as previously mentioned can show poor judgment and/or say stupid things.
This is officially a disaster. I don't know what we can say to make it better because we've made the situation worse.
Isn't it great when people pass judgments before understanding the real situation?

The S#IT has hit the fan

Yep. It has.
But first I need to say that Frank had his stitches removed tonight and he's doing great! The Dr. said we are extremely lucky because this kind of injury usually results in amputation. He said the next 4 days will be crucial so we need to make sure Frank doesn't lick or bite the wound. Hes' back in the cone.

Now the bad news.
CAS finally did a home visit and boy is my SIL angry. We're now officially cut off from the kids. Honestly, it took so long for this to happen that I thought it wasn't going to. The feedback so far is that she is FURIOUS with us and she knows we called because "the questions they asked made it obvious". They think we did this to get the kids. Not true. I guess she's forgetting that we called when she was was trying to get rid of them herself.
Honestly, I feel the call was justified. I called because I was worried that they were taking drastic actions (trying to give up all of the their children) in an escalating fashion. Of course, CAS asked why they'd want to give up their kids. I then said what our concerns were and what had happened. etc. etc.
There are things that I am not going to get into on here that I felt were an issue enough to mention and D and I both agreed we should call. I have no regrets.
I guess this explains why we cannot get in contact with them at all this week.

Donor Stress Part 2

I'm still not 100% confident in our choice to use a KD. Although I want the advantage of free sperm and no clinic I'm also really nervous when I think about the potential issues we'll face in the future. Our Anonymous donor is ID release. We'll be able to tell our child(ren) they will receive information about their Donor when they turn 18. They'll also know things like what he looks like (from his childhood photo), his occupation, how many siblings he has and what nationality he is. These things all seem weak when you think that's the ONLY information you'll be able to provide but the alternative for us is even worse (ironically). Using a known donor who is anonymous means we won't even be able to tell our child the nationality he is because that would give away too much information.
I really wish this wasn't so difficult. I told D tonight that I'd like to try our last Anonymous Donor again because he got me pregnant (albeit chemical) on my last try. Maybe he's our lucky guy and it will work again.
It's amazing that at one point I thought we had things all worked out with my BIL and I was afraid I was pregnant by a "stranger". Maybe I've watched too much Oprah (I haven't really, I can't stand her) but I'm so worried that we are making such life altering decisions. I'm so worried about how our child will feel and at the same time worried about how we'll feel. KD or Anonymous donor, I'm not sure who wins. Will our child have more peace of mind growing up with an anonymous donor ID release donor or an anonymous known (to us only) donor?

Donor Stress

I'm on CD3... and I'm thinking about trying this cycle. I just don't know what to do about our donor issue.
BIL is no longer our donor although we have an option for another KD who wishes to remain anonymous "always & forever" so I can't really say much about him. I'm not so happy about that because if this person is in our life our kid may figure out who he is and that will be an awful situation... this person may not be so bright but that's possibly giving away a lot.
I'd go back to the sperm bank and the clinic but D is being pretty stubborn about the money.
I'm stuck in the middle.
I can't believe we're on try #7.

My Mother - Part 2

So my mother calls tonight and I thought maybe she was calling to say she'd still come down for a visit. Nope! She wanted me to ask my father if he'd help her find a used car. Ha! I told her to find the car she wanted to buy and then I'd ask my father to see if it was a good deal. There is no way he's going to run around looking at cars for her. She'd probably ask him to drive it up to her as well!
She then asks when I'm going to "ship her stuff". Well, I wasn't going to "ship her stuff" because I thought she was driving down to visit. I have had this box of crap that she left at my place since May when she bought way more than she could ever fly back on a plane with. As it was she had to pay $50 per bag because they were so over packed. She suggested I drive-to-Hamilton to give it to my Aunt who lives in Hamilton to give it to my other Aunt who is down visiting - to fly home with. I told my mother that there was way too much stuff for my Aunt to fly with. She then huffed and said "I bought you a TV so you should ship my stuff to me". THAT was the point that I got nasty. I asked her if she bought us the TV or not because she only says that when she wants me to do something for her. Her answer was that "when she's in a pinch she'll ask for the money back". Well she's been in a pinch a few times now because she brings it up every couple of weeks.
I fully know I'm being difficult here but she buys way too much stuff and then leaves it with me to make elaborate plans to get it back to her. Albeit it's been happening a lot less since she never comes down anymore but it's still annoying. Like, do you really need to buy new colanders in Toronto? I'm pretty sure you can buy those anywhere. It's not a good deal when you need to buy new suitcases and pay overweight baggage charges or ship via Greyhound to get the stuff home.
For a long time I thought that the breakdown in our relationship was entirely my fault but I'm starting to see otherwise. My mother has always been like this. When I was a kid and I was so desperate to spend time with her she'd ditch me for just about anything. When I told her we were looking at houses in Hamilton to be closer to family she told me that she would not come down if we lived there because "everything bad that has happened to her has happened there". That's not very nice when you think that I was born and raised there. It goes hand in hand with her warnings to me about not having a kid because it will "ruin your life". I would say she's heartless but she doesn't even notice that she acts like this. She just acts selfishly on a consistent basis. She's a pretty good "over the phone friend" but as far as actually being a "mom" she gave up that role years ago.