JDZ

So I went to the clinic this morning feeling very defeated and depressed. I couldn't pretend to be happy or care about anything even if I tried and it's not about my last BFN it's about the next. I have 3 great sized follicles - no trigger shot- and another potentially poorly timed IUI. What can I do? I feel like there's another month down and that this cycle is going to be wasted. I WANT OUT OF THIS CLINIC but I feel so trapped. The only thing I can do is call the shots and make this work for ME.
I'm going back in 2.5 hours to talk to the doctor and discuss what is best. Should I have my IUI today or should I wait until tomorrow? Again, it all depends on my LH. Also, I took a quick peek at my chart this morning and it looked like I have a 1.8. 1.9 and 2.4 follicle. Usually when I reach 1.9 I'm good to go and I ovulate that day. We'll have to see what she says and go from there.
If I have my IUI today I do not want to go in for monitoring tomorrow. It would be too heartbreaking to see my follicle and know that I wasted more sperm.
For all the problems other people have with TTC I feel like mine are so petty. I'm not on try #10 and I haven't had a M/C. What I have is a clinic that I do not trust and a hemorrhaging bank account.