Donor Doubt

I wish I could post the whole story with all of the details but I can’t. All I can say is that the dude I thought was the donor, IRL, isn’t. I’m sad about this and I’ll get to why a bit later on. First, I started looking stuff up again after offering advice on what to do with donor info/pictures that have not been provided by the donor. It got me thinking that although I had saved a couple of pictures I hadn’t safely secured any of the written info I had found. That’s when I started searching again and things started to unravel. I will now caution anyone as silly as I am to really think about seeking unauthorized info and the consequence of being wrong.

Without getting too specific, I had 2 pieces of info that put together seemed to be the key to his identity. Everything matched for the guy I had found including his career, geographical location, age and number of siblings. The problem started when I googled his dad for the first time. Up popped a professional website with more info than I could have ever expected! I found his father’s entire resume with education and including extra-curricular activities. With this brought two pieces of conflicting info 1) I had mistaken his father for his grandfather and 2) His father’s career and education does not match what is listed our donor profile. The first piece of information may or may not be significant. The issue was that I found him through his relationship to his paternal grandfather and if I was actually connecting him to his father that is a real blow to my confidence in the match. Also, I hadn't even considered I could be looking for his Maternal relative. That relationship was what zeroed me in on one specific person instead of a large group of people. The reality is, even if that is how I found him, I was focusing on a specific group of candidates and I found someone who matched our donor perfectly... or so I thought! It’s the second bit of information that has really thrown me off. Is it possible our donor lied on his profile to hide his father’s career, to make him LESS successful and LESS educated? I would think not. Bummer.

I know that many people have expressed uneasiness with doing this, with searching out the donor and with even caring. Initially I searched because it was a challenge and it was fun. I was so happy to find an adult picture and info to share with Sadie since I know, despite the fact that he is ID release, she may never have more than a name. I was also happy to find a strong and healthy looking person. As much as this statement excludes D in the process, I did use this person to make a baby. I’m glad he wasn’t creepy looking, or (shame on me) a loser. I was proud that I’d offered her some good genes since some of mine leave a lot to be desired! I guess I’m back to square one and perhaps over my search. I’ve tried digging up dirt on the others on my list of candidates but it’s not easy. I’ve decided to keep the info and picture anyway because he could still be the right guy. Sadie will know the truth if she wants to, at 18. Maybe I’ll have a little extra info for her if I was right.

On the topic of our donor, I met a family last weekend that has 2 little boys from the Fair.fax donor who sold out and ultimately forced us to switch to Xy.tex. It was weird. We weren’t meeting Sadie’s half-sibs, we were meeting half-sibs for the child we wanted so badly but didn’t have, the child from my chemical pregnancy, our first BFP. That’s the crazy thing about using a donor (or 4). Our child would have been very different if try #1-#6 had worked. Would we have had one of these bright blonde children? Maybe a boy? Wow. Weird. Wow.

Now if only we could find a real half-sib. Someone obsessive has to be out there googling our donor number. I’m RIGHT THERE and waiting to be easily contacted.


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Random thought

Since having Sadie I've continued to feel those cute little flutters that people often compare to gas bubbles, a baby inside of me. At first I called them phantom kicks but now I don't know what's going on. What the heck is a gas bubble (rhetorical question) and why had I never felt one before? Did they sew me up wrong? When I have #2 are they going to find my intestine tied like a pretzel?

Just wondering...



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Foto Friday

This photo represents our need to go clothes shopping because Sadie has outgrown pretty much everything!

Outfit details (incase you are jealous):
Old Navy Spiderman T-shirt
Baby legs (on arms), Black skulls
Gymboree Elephant leggings

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Foto (almost) Friday

Upcoming topic: What are we going to do about the Justin Bieber with Baby Mullet hair?

Co-Sleeping

This is what co-sleeping looks like in our house (upside down shot):





See why it's going to be a hard habit to break?

And here's another habit that's going to be hard to break. We've been watching a bit of TV over the "chicken pox lockdown" weekend.





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Distraction: Camping and Update

Lately I've been completely obsessed with going camping. I have been to overnight camp but the one I attended was far from rustic. We had an indoor pool with a sauna. I've been to Muskoka but I've only stayed at resorts. I've never camped. Not even when I was a girl guide.
So what's the deal now? I know I'll hate the washrooms and I'll probably be scared out of my mind at night but I want to camp for Sadie. I want to camp for my family to get away from our tech obsessed world. I want nature to be important.
I'm not sure how we're going to accomplish this goal since we have no gear at all, don't know what to buy and have zero knowledge of how to actually camp. One of my mommy groups does an annual camping trip so I think we'll start there. At least we have a house now and can store whatever gear we collect. I think I should start looking at craigslist.
Any tips or advice?

Update on Sadie: Last night was not fun at all. The itch has started and she was miserable for most of the night. I was so tired that I'm positive I slept through some of her fussing because I kept waking to her in odd positions like at the foot of the bed. Her spots have also increased a lot. On day one she had under 10, day two was under 30, and on day 3/4 there are too many to count. They are through her hair all over her scalp, on her bum, lips, ears, crawling up her neck and wrapping around her torso. At first we thought she had a very mild case but now that it has progressed we're hopeful that she's going to be immune. I had the Chicken Pox twice (do not remember at all) and my mom said I was nothing like her. The reality is that she is still pretty good and this could be a lot worse. We're lucky.





ETA: We got out for a walk this afternoon and tried out our new jogger. It was fun! Sadie had a good time with her friends "Big Minnie" and "Big Mickey".



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Chicken Pox

For the past 2 days I have been beside myself with worry over missing out on plans this weekend. We’d held onto hope that it was just a rash or dry skin and then hung onto the thought that “it wasn’t that bad”. Well, now it is THAT bad and I’m shifting my thoughts from missing out on fun to worrying about my sweet baby who is sick.

I hope this is over with ASAP. ):


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