I’m going to take a break from the “non-challenge” to write about something else that has been on our minds lately. Basically we’ve been talking a lot about being “one and done”, Sadie as an only child. Crazy, right? I’d come to the TTC table saying 3 but no less than 2 and now we’re seriously thinking that we’re happy just the way we are.
I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling a lot of pressure to perform this time. I feel pressure that we need to “get this done” by a certain time so that our kids are X number of years apart or before I’m 35 (because I did a shit poor job of getting pregnant before 30). I worry about going through another high risk pregnancy or not being able to get pregnant. I feel like we’re just getting our lives back and I’m not only talking about being over the pregnancy and newborn stages. I’m also talking about the void of September 2007-April 2009 when we existed only to TTC. Right now I don’t feel at a loss not having a second but I know that when we start trying again it will be all consuming just like the first…. and if it doesn’t work… will I be broken forever? Will it ruin the good that we already have? Can’t I just enjoy Sadie and do this again in 10 years?
We’ve agreed not to talk about it again until October but it will be on my mind constantly, I know it will be.
JDZ: Two Moms, One Toddler
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Day 6: Something New
My something new is actually a something old that will be new again in 96 days – FLYING.
It’s been approximately 9409 days since my last flight and during that time I have endured endless criticism from people who (mostly) have no idea what it’s like to have a fear that is so strong that it prevents them from experiencing life. We’re not flying because someone has “finally” convinced me. We’re not flying because “driving with a baby would be crazy”. We’re flying because I feel like I’m ready. It’s like the time we took the BUS to Florida. After 36 hours there and 36 hours back I finally felt ready to get my drivers license. Now, after 16,840 km (10,464 Miles) of driving to Florida, I feel like flying.
We’ve had non-refundable tickets purchased for a while now and for the most part I’ve been OK. There was one small issue involving switching our seats closer to the emergency exit (for my peace of mind) but other than that I’m feeling pretty good about our decision (not that I have a choice now).
Choices I did have:
1) I only wanted to fly out of a Canadian Airport. It seriously would have been hundreds cheaper to fly out of New York State but for my “first” flight I wanted to be at home.
2) Sadie has her own seat and we’re using her Car Seat on the plane (this was important for my feeling of Safety for her).
3) We had to rearrange our dates a bit to avoid September 11th, our original arrival date.
This is going to be HUGE for me so I’m sure you’re going to hear about it on the blog as September gets closer and any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!
It’s been approximately 9409 days since my last flight and during that time I have endured endless criticism from people who (mostly) have no idea what it’s like to have a fear that is so strong that it prevents them from experiencing life. We’re not flying because someone has “finally” convinced me. We’re not flying because “driving with a baby would be crazy”. We’re flying because I feel like I’m ready. It’s like the time we took the BUS to Florida. After 36 hours there and 36 hours back I finally felt ready to get my drivers license. Now, after 16,840 km (10,464 Miles) of driving to Florida, I feel like flying. We’ve had non-refundable tickets purchased for a while now and for the most part I’ve been OK. There was one small issue involving switching our seats closer to the emergency exit (for my peace of mind) but other than that I’m feeling pretty good about our decision (not that I have a choice now).
Choices I did have:
1) I only wanted to fly out of a Canadian Airport. It seriously would have been hundreds cheaper to fly out of New York State but for my “first” flight I wanted to be at home.
2) Sadie has her own seat and we’re using her Car Seat on the plane (this was important for my feeling of Safety for her).
3) We had to rearrange our dates a bit to avoid September 11th, our original arrival date.
This is going to be HUGE for me so I’m sure you’re going to hear about it on the blog as September gets closer and any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Day 5: Birthdays
What do I like to do on my birthday?
Tough question. I am sooooo in the doghouse for D's birthday this year and I'm going to get in trouble for this.
I'm not a fan of Birthday celebrations and D loves them. Her Birthday is in the dead of winter and mine is in the middle of spring. This has resulted in several great birthdays for me (Walt Disney World, NYC, Disney Cruise, Miami, Montreal) because my Birthday is during a great week to travel (IMO). D is generally furious that I won't fly so we can go away for hers and I've done a great job of screwing it up year after year.
The reason I'm in trouble this year:
5 years ago when I didn't take D to Las Vegas for her 30th Birthday (we went to NYC) I promised her we'd go for her 35th.
We didn't...
.....and I went to bed before we had cake so she ate it alone.
Yes, I'm a terrible wife. Terrible.
Next year we're thinking about going to Puerto Rico so hopefully she can get an awesome birthday away. Your 36th Birthday is exciting too, right?
For Sadie, I'm looking forward to when she has her own little friends and then we'll do big friend parties where we'll present her with Pink Hummer Power Wheels. It's going to be awesome! I'm already planning her Bat Mitzvah, Quinceañera and SUPER Sweet Sixteen parties. (;
On the topic of celebrations, remember my "friends" baby shower where my "friends" all gave lame ass excuses to not attend and shipped gifts instead?
If you watch Modern Family:
"Cam: There’s nothing gays hate more than when people
Both: treat us like women.
Cam: We’re not. We don’t wanna go to your baby shower; We don’t have a time of the month; We don’t love pink."
Oops. Maybe that's why they didn't come?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tough question. I am sooooo in the doghouse for D's birthday this year and I'm going to get in trouble for this.
I'm not a fan of Birthday celebrations and D loves them. Her Birthday is in the dead of winter and mine is in the middle of spring. This has resulted in several great birthdays for me (Walt Disney World, NYC, Disney Cruise, Miami, Montreal) because my Birthday is during a great week to travel (IMO). D is generally furious that I won't fly so we can go away for hers and I've done a great job of screwing it up year after year.
The reason I'm in trouble this year:
5 years ago when I didn't take D to Las Vegas for her 30th Birthday (we went to NYC) I promised her we'd go for her 35th.
We didn't...
.....and I went to bed before we had cake so she ate it alone.
Yes, I'm a terrible wife. Terrible.
Next year we're thinking about going to Puerto Rico so hopefully she can get an awesome birthday away. Your 36th Birthday is exciting too, right?
For Sadie, I'm looking forward to when she has her own little friends and then we'll do big friend parties where we'll present her with Pink Hummer Power Wheels. It's going to be awesome! I'm already planning her Bat Mitzvah, Quinceañera and SUPER Sweet Sixteen parties. (;
On the topic of celebrations, remember my "friends" baby shower where my "friends" all gave lame ass excuses to not attend and shipped gifts instead?
If you watch Modern Family:
"Cam: There’s nothing gays hate more than when people
Both: treat us like women.
Cam: We’re not. We don’t wanna go to your baby shower; We don’t have a time of the month; We don’t love pink."
Oops. Maybe that's why they didn't come?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Day 4: Most Surprising Thing about Parenthood
ETA: I wrote this yesterday before others started to post theirs and, well, don't hate me.
Most Surprising thing about Parenthood:
1) How well I can function in the middle of the night. Seriously.
There have only been a handful of times when I've thought "I can't do this". I've generally found that I can get up, function as if it were daylight, and then fall back to sleep immediately. Sadie is still waking up in the middle of the night so I'm glad I can cope so well.
ETA: I think the reason why sleep hasn't been as difficult is because Sadie was formula fed. I'm hoping that someone else who FF can jump in and agree? I remember people saying they were BF every 1.5 hours when Sadie was FF every 3 hours (8 bottles/day).
2) I'm surprised that I am not a complete helecopter parent. I'm pretty relaxed. I can handle germs much better than I could before having her and I generally do not freak out that often. My mom is really bad with dramatic gasping!! It drives me nuts! She says my lack of a reaction (to falls/bumps) is just as annoying. The thing is, I don't want a whining kid so I try to keep a level head about it all. (:
3) I thought that there would be more equality in parenting. I think the split for us is more like 80/20 or 70/30 depending.
4) Everyone always said/says they can't believe how much they love their child(ren) and that's so true! I am amazed by my love for her. It's so strong.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Most Surprising thing about Parenthood:
1) How well I can function in the middle of the night. Seriously.
There have only been a handful of times when I've thought "I can't do this". I've generally found that I can get up, function as if it were daylight, and then fall back to sleep immediately. Sadie is still waking up in the middle of the night so I'm glad I can cope so well.
ETA: I think the reason why sleep hasn't been as difficult is because Sadie was formula fed. I'm hoping that someone else who FF can jump in and agree? I remember people saying they were BF every 1.5 hours when Sadie was FF every 3 hours (8 bottles/day).
2) I'm surprised that I am not a complete helecopter parent. I'm pretty relaxed. I can handle germs much better than I could before having her and I generally do not freak out that often. My mom is really bad with dramatic gasping!! It drives me nuts! She says my lack of a reaction (to falls/bumps) is just as annoying. The thing is, I don't want a whining kid so I try to keep a level head about it all. (:
3) I thought that there would be more equality in parenting. I think the split for us is more like 80/20 or 70/30 depending.
4) Everyone always said/says they can't believe how much they love their child(ren) and that's so true! I am amazed by my love for her. It's so strong.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Friday, June 3, 2011
Day 3 What Are Your Guilty Pleasures?
90210 –I’m not talking about the original show; I’m talking about the re-make. It’s one of two shows on my weekly “must see list” (the other is Glee). I wish I had a good excuse for watching it but I don’t. I wasn’t even a fan of the original!! Back when it was popular I was in middle school and it was on past my bedtime.
My Birth Club – As much as I have complained about the crazies over at Baby Center I still love reading my “December ’09 Birth Club” message board. I also read “Debate Team” and a few other boards occasionally. Baby Center
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts – Original Glazed – 190 Calories (100 Calories from FAT). Mmm Doughnuts…num num.
Kanye West – Yeah, I know he’s an ASS but I don’t care, he’s my favourite Gay Fish. “I’mma disrobe you, than I’mma probe you, See I abducted you, so I tell ya what to do, I tell ya what to do, what to do, what to do…!!”
Jodi Picoult Books – I seriously love these books but I know they are all drama and no depth. Right now I’m reading “Sing You Home” which I’m going to warn you is NOT a book anyone reading this blog should probably ever read. SPOILER!!! It’s about a woman TTC who leaves her heterosexual marriage after a late term loss and ends up falling in love with a woman. They get married and they want to do a FET using embryos from her former relationship. Lawsuit ensues in typical Picoult fashion but this book has EVERY SINGLE TRIGGER a person TTC, PREGNANT and to a lesser extent PARENTING should probably avoid. Jodi Picoult books are like watching a train wreck… just can’t stop looking.
Edited to correct the wrong title of the book! I wrote "Sing Me Home" but it's actually "Sing You Home". What can I say? I'm reading it on Kindle so I've never even seen the cover. (;
Edited to correct the wrong title of the book! I wrote "Sing Me Home" but it's actually "Sing You Home". What can I say? I'm reading it on Kindle so I've never even seen the cover. (;
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Day 2 - Describe you High School self
Who was I in high school?
I was an overachieving underachiever
I wasn’t popular but I knew a lot of people
I was weird, just like I am now.
I loved High School and I’m not just writing that because I haven’t been in 16 years and I’ve forgotten. It was a good time in my life. I didn’t have a lot of friends but that is kind of the same now. My High School self was constantly busy and I never felt left out. That hasn’t changed; I’ve always had a hard time fitting people into my schedule.
I was on a number of teams. I played Field Hockey, Ice Hockey, Tennis, Badminton, and Indoor Soccer. I was on the Girls Athletic Council, Grad Council and Yearbook Committee. I also volunteered as a “Peer Helper” and worked with students with Disabilities.
By far my favourite activity out of all of the above was being a Photographer on the Yearbook Committee. It was such a great opportunity to be involved in pretty much everything that went on at our school. I was the constant spectator. People would ask me to attend their events/games and would kiss up to me to take their pictures. I also never had to worry about a date to a dance or prom because I was there on “official business”. It was so great because I loved going but being a wallflower sucks. There was nothing better than purposefully wandering around with my camera and taking it all in (also taking pictures of the girls I had crushes on – haha).
Although I ended up graduating with a proficiency award (above 80% average) my high school academic career was shaky. I had a modified schedule of only 6 classes (3 per semester) because I have “an identified learning disability”, dyslexia. I also had/have ADD (which I think is a load of $&%, don’t get me started). Most people would probably think it would be more obvious that I was dyslexic but these days it mostly comes out with pen and paper communicating (I hate written forms). It’s also there when people give me directions verbally and want me to perform the actions immediately. When I played hockey (before TTC ) I had to wear a marker on my left glove to make sure I visually knew where on the ice to go for face off, and when we’d change sides. I’ve really adapted to using a computer, spell check is my friend, I can type well and I google worlds constantly. It was rough then, but it isn’t now. When I was in High School I spent a lot of time not going to class because I was in my own world.
Outside of school hours I had a part time job as a “Community Sports Leader”. I taught the red cross babysitting course (you need zero qualification to teach this, FYI), a cooking class and a craft class. I also worked basketball games on the weekend, eventually coaching my own team of 6 and 7 year old girls. It was pretty awesome. In the summers I worked as a camp counsellor and I also played field hockey on a recreational travelling team.
As far as dating during High School, I dated a couple of guys. I barely even want to talk about it. Guys are great when you’re playing basketball and rollerblading but the thing about dating a boy is they eventually want to hold your hand or kiss you and then you need to cut them loose. It didn’t work out well.
I think that pretty much sums up High School.
I was an overachieving underachiever
I wasn’t popular but I knew a lot of people
I was weird, just like I am now.
I loved High School and I’m not just writing that because I haven’t been in 16 years and I’ve forgotten. It was a good time in my life. I didn’t have a lot of friends but that is kind of the same now. My High School self was constantly busy and I never felt left out. That hasn’t changed; I’ve always had a hard time fitting people into my schedule.
I was on a number of teams. I played Field Hockey, Ice Hockey, Tennis, Badminton, and Indoor Soccer. I was on the Girls Athletic Council, Grad Council and Yearbook Committee. I also volunteered as a “Peer Helper” and worked with students with Disabilities.
By far my favourite activity out of all of the above was being a Photographer on the Yearbook Committee. It was such a great opportunity to be involved in pretty much everything that went on at our school. I was the constant spectator. People would ask me to attend their events/games and would kiss up to me to take their pictures. I also never had to worry about a date to a dance or prom because I was there on “official business”. It was so great because I loved going but being a wallflower sucks. There was nothing better than purposefully wandering around with my camera and taking it all in (also taking pictures of the girls I had crushes on – haha).
Although I ended up graduating with a proficiency award (above 80% average) my high school academic career was shaky. I had a modified schedule of only 6 classes (3 per semester) because I have “an identified learning disability”, dyslexia. I also had/have ADD (which I think is a load of $&%, don’t get me started). Most people would probably think it would be more obvious that I was dyslexic but these days it mostly comes out with pen and paper communicating (I hate written forms). It’s also there when people give me directions verbally and want me to perform the actions immediately. When I played hockey (before TTC ) I had to wear a marker on my left glove to make sure I visually knew where on the ice to go for face off, and when we’d change sides. I’ve really adapted to using a computer, spell check is my friend, I can type well and I google worlds constantly. It was rough then, but it isn’t now. When I was in High School I spent a lot of time not going to class because I was in my own world.
Outside of school hours I had a part time job as a “Community Sports Leader”. I taught the red cross babysitting course (you need zero qualification to teach this, FYI), a cooking class and a craft class. I also worked basketball games on the weekend, eventually coaching my own team of 6 and 7 year old girls. It was pretty awesome. In the summers I worked as a camp counsellor and I also played field hockey on a recreational travelling team.
As far as dating during High School, I dated a couple of guys. I barely even want to talk about it. Guys are great when you’re playing basketball and rollerblading but the thing about dating a boy is they eventually want to hold your hand or kiss you and then you need to cut them loose. It didn’t work out well.
I think that pretty much sums up High School.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Where I Blog
I can't be alone, right?
In case you hadn't already noticed, I mobile blog 99.9% of the time, and THIS is my only sanctuary. That's right, sitting on the toilet is pretty much the only time I have to myself.
Before you completely recoil in horror you should know that I often seek santuary just to have a few minutes to myself. It feels like High School all over again when I'd excuse myself and go to stare out the bathroom window, count to 100, and walk back to class.
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