Last night Sadie was on a suicide mission at The Little Gym. It was horrible. Thankfully she came out with only a bloody, tooth bitten lip and nothing worse yet Momma, on the otherhand, is pretty exasperated.
The "theory" at The Little Gym and virtually all of the programs we've been in is to let your kid wander while you (the parent) participate in the activities. We're starting to wonder about this. While most (ALL - who are we kidding) of the other toddlers make their way back to their parents, Sadie NEVER will. She's let loose and goes WILD. Last night I sat with bells singing in a circle while my daughter was leaping off large mats, head first.
Music class is the exact same thing. The teacher promises me that "she's taking it all in" even if she is running in circles while the other kids sit calmly. I'm told "it's OK, let her". Help?
I was going to write all about Halloween and how wonderful it was but what sticks out most are the times when we were around other children, in large groups, and how Sadie stood out. During Halloween storytime at our Parent Child Centre she would not sit down. No, she ran in circles through the kids with us and the teacher asking her to sit. Then she was standing 1 foot in front of the teacher for her very own "private" story (forget about the 40 kids calmly sitting behind her).
I was complaining to my friend about this and she asked if it's a discipline issue.
Is this somehow our fault? I don't really know what to do. I hear about the terrible twos constantly but this seems more intense. We have the screaming fits but they seem like nothing compared to Sadie's hyperactivity.
Truthfully, you know I'm asking a question I likely know the answer to but being in the situation as a PARENT is awful. I don't want MY kid to be THAT kid. I'm already seeing the judgement that i cant control her. Or the looks of "what's what's wrong with that kid".
Could it be? I had ADHD as a child and it seems Sadie has it too. I don't want this for her at all. It's so hard and while I had good coping skills to overcome it, it still hurts when I think of what I went through. Kids won't want to be her friend. She'll be lonely. She'll not understand why because she'll want nothing more than to play with the other kids and won't understand why they don't like her.
God, this absolutely sucks.
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I have to run to work so I don't have time for a long comment, but this is also so so so very much like n. She is a very physical child and never (ever) stops moving. It is normal, just a different normal. And I wonder sometimes about things like ADHD, but toddler-hood is WAY too early for diagnoses like that, and most toddlers are very ADD (and also very OCD), so there's no knowing that's innately them, and what's just because they're a toddler. But you're not alone.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's necessarily ADHD. I took my kids to storytime at the library when I was on mat leave and Riley was 2. She would not sit and listen to the story at all. It was too boring--she was in a new place and wanted to do something.
ReplyDeleteI think part of it is that she's been home with your mom, right? Or do you have her in a program? When they are used to classroom settings at daycare where they do storytime daily, they might be more likely to understand how it's done. When it's new and exciting, they might not sit and listen like the other kids
If you take a look at Happiest Toddler on the Block there's an excellent diagram of the attention span of kids at various ages. At 2, they lose interest fast. It's normal for them not to sit through a book. And every single kid is different. Riley wouldn't sit and listen to books as young as Jackson did. Now she sits patiently through many stories.
Give it time. Maybe avoid situations where she's expected to sit still.
We had Riley in gymnastics at 2 and she hated it--she'd lose interest in her activity spot quickly and want to move on. Dance classes don't start until 3 because they require more attention and even then, some kids find it difficult.
Know what she's capable of and just try to do things that will not make you discouraged. Like avoid a storytime for now. I know I didn't bother with the library program after a couple of bad experiences. I figured that it was just not something Riley enjoyed. Now she probably would but at 2, no way.
Perhaps focus on more physical things like swimming with her and that sort of thing.
Lastly, don't be hard on yourself. You can't really "control" a 2 year old. At this point you can start teaching consequences or leave situations when she's not behaving. But not sitting still isn't a big deal--listen to the teacher. She'll get it eventually.
We don't have her in a program yet. She'll qualify for September 2012 but until then we're out of luck. Actually, her bday is impacting our choices too because she's not meeting cut-offs.
ReplyDeleteReally though, it's not so much the activity but the differnce if her behaviour from the other kids. It's almost worthy of a video to see what she's like. Imagine running in circles, shrieking/laughing and tripping/falling all over the place she's so out of control. She laps the other kids who are cautious. She's fearless to a fault. She gets hurt.
At the very least, the classes we have her in allow her to "explore".
Is she like that at home--always running? Or is it in situations where she's excited to be around other kids and fun things?
ReplyDeleteShe gets really excited around other kids and that does
ReplyDeletetrigger worse bahavior but she seems to have no control over her excitement. For example, she relentlessly
torments the dog and gets toys taken away daily for it. She hits him with toys are rams push toys/baby doll strollers into him. It's a constant battle. ):
That could be related to other things...maybe she's frustrated or bored at home?
ReplyDeleteJackson used to bug the cats--pull their tails, etc. and had to go in time outs. I used to make him sit on the step and watch me as I petted the cat and gave my attention to the cat. So hitting the cat = told that it's not acceptable, time out from everyone and modelling of nice behaviour to cat, plus attention to hurt cat instead of hitting child. Don't know if that would work...
When she stays with your mom does she get a lot of outdoor time? Things to burn off some energy?
Sorry, just trying to think of other things that could be to blame for her behaviour.
I wonder sometimes about the at home behavior being boredom. I know when I'm home she can pull some attention seeking bad behavior.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could get her in a structured program sooner. We've been talking about it. She does OEYC 2 days per week, goes to the library and parks. I know she watches
more TV than I'd like her to.
Finding something part time isn't easy. I don't want to put her in fulltime.
I'm so upset about this. ):
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, big hugs to you, Mama. I think it's way too early to know whether this is ADHD or typical toddlerhood. Shane is a complete wildman who can't/won't sit and participate in any group activity setting. He has to be moving and doing his own thing. We've tried several classes at Gymboree and it's always the same. Every single instructor tells us this is totally normal and they see it all the time. He also chases our cats all over the place, grabs tails, etc. Climbs and jumps and gets into all kinds of crazy mischief. He still bangs his head on walls, windows, and floors. I honestly believe this is all completely normal toddler behavior.
ReplyDeleteSome kids this age are able to sit and participate, but many are not. And that's okay. We just do free play at Gymboree, which he loves, and steer clear of the classes for now. All kids are just different. Keep in mind that the kids you see who are doing well in these situations are probably ones that just always have. There have probably been many Sadies and Shanes who've come and gone because it's just not in them to sit still yet. Hang in there and know that other toddler moms are experiencing the same behaviors. The fact that you have ADHD in your background is also likely coloring your view. Another totally normal thing - I have to constantly remind myself that Shane is not me. He will have his own way of thinking and doing that will be his alone.
Don't be. It's not forever. You will change something and see if it helps. That's all you can do.
ReplyDeleteI think it is boredom. I know with my own kids that being home a lot would result in poor behaviour. They like to get out and do things. Even when they protest daycare, they enjoy it. It keeps them busy and they have friends and activities. I think some kids really need that break from the house.
i think the pp'ers have some good advice. i just wanted to chime and and say that you arent the only one with a hyper active toddler -- you should have seen Bird on halloween, oh. my. god. and she torments her sisters, much like it sounds like sadie torments your dog. hang in there mama, you are doing a great job, dont beat yourself up!
ReplyDeleteI remember feeling the exact same way when Erik did gymnastics when he was 2.5. It was like, why is my kid the ONLY kid who can't do what the other kids are doing? It was really upsetting at the time. But now we know he was just a toddler being a toddler and for this reason we haven't yet put Ian in anything except parent & tot swimming.
ReplyDeleteAll kids are different, and I think Stacey has a good point when she says maybe some of the other kids are in daycares or other programs where they're more used to classroom-type setting than kids who are home. (I was surprised when I took Erik to school last year and only one kid was crying. Then I realized most of them have probably been in daycares so going to school isn't as traumatic for them.) Or maybe they're just more laid back.
I also agree that if she's home most of the time, then getting out probably makes her really excited and over-stimulated. I know that our kids start acting crazy if we spend too much time in the house because they get bored. We rarely spend a whole day at home because we can't stand it.
Ian is mean to our cats too, grabbing them and pulling their tails, etc. Erik was at this age too but now he's great with animals. I think that's normal behaviour at this age.
We also do what Stacey said - make a really big fuss over the person or animal that got hurt in front of the child that hurt that animal or person. This is a strategy we learned from our daycare. They use it when kids bite.
Don't worry too much. You're doing a great job. I like what Stacey said about maybe doing other things with her right now if you don't think she handles certain situations very well. It will come with time.
It may be your child is not ready for this much structure. We too had a very active two year old boy who gets really "up" when he is around other kids. Instead of wondering what's wrong with your child or your parenting, take her places where running around crazy and wild, climbing on things and jumping off things are the normal. She might not develop the ability to sit still for a while. If you are still dealing with self-control issues when she turns four, I would highly recommend Taekwon-do. It gave our son a "focused activity" that rewarded him for learning self-control.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the judgement part of being a parent . . . read this post, Mother's Unite", maybe it will help you not feel so alone. http://roleplayingwithkids.blogspot.com/
no words of advice but i hope you can figure out what will help your little lady. i do recall wondering if our eldest was bend on self injury when he was about that age though! good luck to you ladies. i'm sure you will figure out what is best for you all.
ReplyDeleteHang in there! She has you and you are a great mama who is watching her and figuring out what works for her and what doesnt. They are all so different. I call Bee a hip baby because she wont leave my side or take of her jacket and hat for at least 20 minutes if we are some where new. They are their own little beings and we just have to keep on trying new things and new ways until we find something that works.
ReplyDelete