Stuff

I'm, uh, still working on that post about our totally fabulous vacation but I'm extremely lazy when it comes to getting on a computer with an SD slot. In the meantime, I thought I'd write what's been going on in the 2 weeks since we've been back!

- I didn't end up going to my Aunt's bridal shower this weekend. The icing on the cake was that not only did she plan her own shower (so tacky) but she asked for cash in lieu of gifts to help pay for her husband's immigration expense. I couldn't do it. I do not want to be a victim of this as well, I don't want my money involved and I don't want to fake happiness for my Aunt who I think has acted foolishly.

-We've found out where our beloved fertility doctor has moved and she's completely "betrayed us" by going to our previous clinic, the one we HATE. Using her is no longer an option since she's the assistant to the RE that I despise the most and would prefer to never see again. So now our options remain the same as when we didn't know where she was. We either stay at our current clinic with the doctor that we haven't met or we check out the Dr. at our old clinic that has come highly recommended by several people. My apprehension with going to the recommended Dr was being at our old clinic and the chance of the above mentioned RE that I hate performing a procedure on me however; it seems there may have even been a development there as well. The recommended doctor used to be listed as part the clinic's team and displayed prominently on their website as such. She's now tucked away on a hidden part of the website under "affiliated physician" (I had to search to find her). This means she uses the facility for IVF but is officially a private practice. Since I'm not supposed to be talking about TTC #2 until October at the earliest, I'm only going to add that the ONLY thing tying me to the clinic we're with right now is the guided ultrasound IUI. I can't ignore the claim that guided IUI has a 50% higher success rate. I had one guided IUI and only one BFP.

-I've started working on Sadie's bedroom and I'm completely overwhelmed by it. I was pretty excited to start painting last weekend, cleared out a bunch of stuff to our basement storage and packed what was left (mostly) into her closet. I was excited to assemble her bed and didn't even want to wait the 72 hours I needed to prep her mattress. Everything was good until I clued in that I should have painted the interior of the closet FIRST. Oops, remember, it's now FULL. Not only that, I'd bought new bi-fold closet doors and those need to be primed and painted before being hung. So while I'd like to do things quick and dirty I'm going to need to be patient. Patience so far has meant a complete lack of forward momentum. Sadie's new bed is blocking half of the stairs to basement and stuff is starting to pile up again. Where are we going to stash stuff we take away from Sadie when we lose that room to good use?

-I'm on new meds. I know I've come on here a lot with my woes but I never really talk much about where I am with my treatment or what's going on. My doctor had raised my old meds to the highest dose I had ever been on. It took a few months before it really sunk in that the new dose was doing more harm than good. I was angry all the time. I was constantly fighting with D and even had a few embarrassing public outbursts including a moment of road rage where I flipped off someone who in turn slammed on their brakes in front of me and came at my car waving their fists saying they were going to kill me. That was a wake up call that I needed to stop with my constant need to instigate shit (online, at home, in public) or I was going to get myself in trouble. I mentioned to my doctor how I felt and she wanted me off my meds ASAP. Apparently when you start feeling homicidal rage, it's not a good thing. I have to admit I was sceptical about switching. My meds had worked for me for so long (15 years) but things had changed after I had played around with them during TTC and being pregnant. I'm now on Zoloft and I'm feeling good. There were moments when I thought I was doomed during the switchover but the result has been a calmness I haven't felt in years. I'm also supposed to be going for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) but right now I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that. The clinic I have been referred to charges $195/hour and I have a pathetic $500/year in coverage.

-Sadie is in the early stages of terrible twos and for now it's pretty adorable. She fake cries a lot and throws little tantrums. We can see her checking to see if we're watching. The other day I walked out of the kitchen and left her on the floor crying. Next thing she was toddling down the hall with her hands fanned out over her eyes (so she could see) trying to find me. Sorry sweetie, I'm calling your bluff! She's also started to do some annoying "get our attention" tactics like driving her baby doll stroller right into the dog. Her baby doll stroller is one of the first things that are banished to her unfinished bedroom each day. She continues to be "active" and completely fearless. My co-worker called her "more like a boy" the other day and I have to admit I've noticed that too. I love the fact that she's leaning towards being a tomboy. She's NOT like the other little girls she plays with (or pushes over). She loves trucks, trains and cars. She loves her baby doll too, I think it adds weight to the stroller for when she's running after the dog. Oh, and RUNNING.... We took down the baby gate the was blocking her from entering the kitchen from our dining room and she has since taken to running in a giant circle through the kitchen, into the dining room, through the living room and back into the kitchen. Over and over... catching her for a diaper change is now EXTREMELY difficult!!


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